Everything Between Us
by queenofallmedia
Summary: Nicky Nichols has finally returned from maximum security, only she is now a broken shell of who she once was, and Lorna Morello is determined to fix her and bring the old Nicky back.
1. Chapter 1

_okay so here is another nichorello fanfic , and some chapters are gonna be pretty short and some really long and I apologize in advance for all the inconsistencies. reviews and constructive criticism are always welcomed !_

 ** _set after the end of season 3._**

* * *

 _"I know my kingdom awaits_

 _and they've forgiven my mistakes._

 _I'm coming home,_

 _I'm coming home."_

 _-Skylar Grey / Coming Home, Part II_

* * *

chapter 1: return

"And over here, we got the dinin' hall." Tiffany Doggett, or better known as Pennsatucky, vaguely gestured to the empty dining hall, where several inmates were cleaning the floor. Pennsatucky was a short, reddish-brown haired girl, with dark eyes and pale skin.

The other inmates were staring at the newbies, all of whom were dressed in bright orange and looking around frightfully. Pennsatucky didn't notice, simply carried on with the tour, pointing at things and giving explanations with a little too much detail at times.

"And over here, is where y'all will be sleepin' for the time bein', till you get assigned to the dorms." The hillbilly brought the inmates into a room and started pointing them in at random, ticking their names off on her clipboard without bothering to look through it properly.

"Alright, the previous girl used to only give the white girls soap and toothbrushes, but since I'm real nice, here's one for all of y'all." Pennsatucky tossed packets of soap bars and toothbrushes to the grateful inmates, who muttered vague words of thanks.

"And y'all..." The short brunette finally brought the last batch of newbies into a mostly-empty bunk, before her eyes widened in surprise. "Nichols?" Pennsatucky whirled around, her eyebrows raised.

"Long time no see." Nicky Nichols stood there, clad in orange, smiling crookedly at Pennsatucky. Her hair was as wavy and unkempt as ever, though it was shorter and jagged at the ends, as though she'd hacked it off herself with a blunt object. Her previously slightly chubby figure was now much thinner. Her arms were dotted with fading bruises and scars.

Her cheekbones were more prominent, due to the hollowness of her cheeks, and her dark eyes were devoid of any sort of emotion, similar to a doll's eyes, as well as their usual makeup, replaced by dark circles beneath them. Her voice was hoarse, like she hadn't had any reason to use it in a while. Either that, or she had been screaming for a long, long time, and just stopped a while ago.

"You look like shit." Pennsatucky said bluntly, handing soap bars and toothbrushes to the girls. Nicky chuckled. "Good to know." She said, dumping her things on the top bunk of a bed.

"Good that you're back, though." Pennsatucky called, throwing a grin at Nicky behind her back as she strode out. Nicky gave a small smile of surprise, climbed onto her bunk and began unpacking her stuff.

* * *

"Hey, guess who's back." Pennsatucky rasped, grinning at Morello, Boo, Chapman, and Vause. Ever since Pennsatucky and Boo had become best friends, she'd begun sitting with them during meals. Initially, all of them were uncomfortable with her, but gradually they'd gotten used to her.

"Nichols." Pennsatucky said. Seeing the looks of confusion on their faces, she continued. "Y'know, the lesbian junkie?" She prompted.

"I thought she was in max." Chapman, who was the first to recover from her shock, said in surprise, taking a sip of her drink. Piper Chapman was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl whose life was completely ruined when she was sent to prison thanks to her ex-lover, Alex Vause.

"She was, but she's back now." Pennsatucky took a bite of her mystery-meat based meatloaf.

"It sure will be good to see her again. I missed her so much." Morello said, stuffing her food into her face quickly, carrying her tray laden with her unfinished meal and skipping off. Nicky had been her closest companion, and she'd missed her so much.

Lorna Morello was a tiny 5-foot-tall Italian-American girl, with short, black forties curls that reached her shoulders, wide, dark eyes, and gentle, pretty features. Her voice was slightly accented, and she was almost always somewhat smiley, an amazing feat in this hellhole.

Morello speed-walked (O'Neill yelled at her to stop running) around the halls, asking random inmates if they'd seen Nicky. None of them even knew she was back, so it was pointless asking them. Finally, she spotted a figure in orange, with short, tangled wavy brown hair pacing around the library.

"Nicky!" Morello cried, running towards her and barreling into her thin arms, ignoring Poussey, the girl in charge of the library, who shushed her. "Lorna." Nicky breathed softly, crushing the smaller girl to her chest, holding her as tightly as she could.

Nicky released Morello for a moment, holding her shoulders and lovingly gazing at her for a moment, her eyes bright with tears and something else, before she joined her mouth to hers. Morello froze up for a moment, while the full realisation of the situation slowly processed through her brain.

Morello tensed, and Nicky stepped away, breathing heavily. "I missed you so much, kid." She caressed Morello's cheek gently, smiling lovingly, a light dancing in her dark eyes. She leaned in to kiss her again.

"Nicky, I..." Morello began, pulling away slowly, while Nicky's expression transformed into one of confusion. "I got married." She said, holding up her right hand, where a ring lay on her ring finger.

"Oh. Congratulations. To Christopher?" Nicky asked, pulling away, the light fading from her eyes. "No, while you were gone I met this guy Vincent." Morello explained, smiling obliviously.

"I see." Nicky forced a smile, and turned back to the bookshelves, carefully scouring them. "What about you? What happened in max?" Morello said, noticing the wounds on her body for the first time.

"Nothing I couldn't live through." Nicky answered curtly, pulling a book out and walking away. Morello scampered after her quickly, confused as to why Nicky was suddenly so cold towards her. Nicky checked the book out, and turned to leave.

"I really missed you." Morello said softly. "Me too, kid. Me too." The taller girl replied, finally meeting her gaze for the first time since she kissed her. Her eyes were empty, devoid of emotion, unlike the way they shone with life before she was carted off to max.

 _Oh, Nicky. What did they do to you in there?_ Morello thought sadly, watching the ex-junkie go, the lights of the library accenting the lines and marks etched onto her arms forever.

* * *

"It's so good to see you again, Nicky." Chapman said during breakfast the next day, embracing her tightly. "Jesus, Nichols, you look like shit." Vause laughed, smiling at her friend. Alex Vause, the Alex Vause, Piper Chapman's ex, was a tall girl with fair skin, glasses, and black hair.

"Where were you last night? I didn't see you in the bathroom." Chapman said. "I woke up to go for the 5.00." Nicky replied, patting the blonde girl's back and stepping away to get her food.

"Is it me, or does she seem different now?" Chapman asked softly, as Nicky slunk off on her own. "She does. Colder, somehow." Vause said absently, drumming her fingers on the table.

"She just got back from max, so maybe it's a big change." Morello suggested, her mouth full of bread. "Whatever it is, I hope she's alright." Vause replied, taking a sip of her drink.

Nicky returned, quietly sinking onto her seat and eating quickly without looking up, her foot incessantly tapping against the floor, even more than before. "What happened to you? Last time you wouldn't shut up and suddenly even Norma talks more than you do." Vause laughed, nudging Nicky, who smiled but didn't reply.

The girls shared a look. Nicky picked up her tray and shuffled away, ignoring the calls of 'good to see you' from various inmates. "Nicky." A voice with a heavy Russian accent stopped her.

Red stood behind her, in all her (awfully dyed) red-haired glory, wearing her special apron with her name embroidered on the top left section. "Red." Nicky breathed, dumping her tray and hugging the older woman tightly.

"It's been so long. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to see you yesterday. How are you?" Red grasped her surrogate daughter's hands as she drew back, her thumbs running over the scars on her forearms.

"What did they do to you in there?" Red asked in horror, squinting at what looked like someone's initials carved into her wrist. "Nothing. I'm fine." Nicky said, jerking her arms back.

"I really missed you, Red." She hugged her again. "I missed you too, Nicky. Please, tell me if you need anything." Red clutched Nicky's hands tightly, her thumbs running over her bony wrists.

"I will." Nicky said reassuringly. She seemed as though she wanted to hug Red again, but chose to shuffle off instead.

"She's really not okay, is she?" Vause mused, watching the entire scene. "Yeah." Chapman agreed sadly, watching their normally cheerful friend run her fingers through the jagged ends of her hair, her figure slightly hunched. Nicky used to walk arrogantly, with an aura of confidence hanging around her. Now, the way she shuffled away from the cafeteria, it almost seemed like she didn't want people to notice her. Which was rather difficult, as many people who passed her shouted greetings at her.

"God, if only Sophia was here to fix her hair." Vause chuckled. "I don't think hair is high on her list of priorities now, Alex." Chapman replied.

"Yeah. God, she really does look awful, doesn't she?" Vause sighed. "Weren't you two like best friends? I'm sure she'd talk to you about anything." Chapman said.

Vause sighed again. "She won't. Nicky's stubborn, and if she says she's fine, that's all we're getting out of her." She pushed her glasses to the top of her head. "But fuck, I think she really isn't."

"It's up to us to make her better again, isn't it?" Morello said, and Vause and Chapman nodded slowly. "Yeah. Though honestly Morello, I think she'd open up to you more." Vause said thoughtfully.

"Why?" Morello furrowed her brow in surprise. "You know why." Vause replied, getting up to leave, Chapman on her heels.

Morello did know why. How many times had Nicky put her back together when she'd fallen apart? There was no one she trusted more in the world than Nicky Nichols.

Even if it wasn't romantically, Morello knew they would always be connected in some way. And now it was up to Morello to put Nicky back together.

"I'll fix you, Nicky." She whispered, and it was a promise she hoped Nicky could feel too.


	2. Chapter 2

_just a quick A/N: I'd like to apologise for the shortness of this chapter and promise that future chapters will be longer !_

* * *

 _"Low on self esteem,_

 _so you run on gasoline."_

 _-Halsey / Gasoline_

* * *

chapter 2: evasion

"Alright, Nichols, your work assignment has been changed from electrical to library duties. Wouldn't want a repeat of last time. Washington can keep an eye on you now." Sam Healy, also known as Nicky's counsellor, signed a sheet of paper, and looked up at the jittery inmate sitting opposite him. Her fingers were drumming on the table, her foot tapping on the floor.

"Yes, Mr Healy." Nicky said, looking up at him. "That's all. You can go now." Healy said, suspiciously scrutinizing the inmate. He was a large man, with white hair and a slightly wrinkled face. "Thank you, Mr Healy." Nicky replied.

"No snarky remarks under your breath? No defensive outbursts?" Healy asked in surprise, unable to stop himself. Nicky just gave him a sad smile and walked out, her hands in her pockets.

"Nicky!" Morello caught up to her, grabbing her arm. The orange jumpsuit contrasted against Nicky's pale skin, emphasizing her colourless state. "Oh, hey Lorna." Nicky answered. "What happened to your arm?" Morello asked, her smooth fingertips brushing over the rough lines all over her arm. The tiny girl inspected the scars.

Some came from careless nicks and scrapes, others were long and jagged, the skin still slightly swollen and purple. Some were smaller, longer scratches, extending from her wrist to her elbow. And on her wrist, there was a badly done tattoo, made by carving the design into her skin and carelessly smearing ink on it.

Morello squinted at it, but Nicky jerked her arm away roughly and stalked off, practically running to get away from her. "Nicky!" Morello called, skipping after her, but a swarm of inmates separated her from Nicky.

Over the heads of the beige-clad figures, Morello could see a thin figure in orange pushing her way through, running away from her as though her life depended on it. She threw up her hands in frustration.

"Hey." Morello said, walking up to Nicky in the library. Nicky had a massive pile of books held to her chest, her thin arms barely supporting their weight.

"Hey." Nicky said, dumping the stack on a table, picking up a few to reshelve. She stood on her tiptoes to reach the top shelf, as she wasn't very tall. Morello watched her for a while.

"I'd help, but I'm short as hell, so I'll probably end up makin' it worse." Morello said lightly, and laughed softly. Nicky didn't reply, just continued picking up books and stacking them in the shelves as neatly as her shaky hands would allow.

"Why won't you talk to me?" Morello asked, her fingers fiddling with the edge of her grey shirt. "What's there to talk about?" Nicky finally met her gaze, and her eyes were as hollow as ever. She looked tired, the dark circles under her eyes as prominent as ever.

"You've been different since you got back. Talk to me." Morello pleaded softly, her fingers wrapping around Nicky's arm. She tensed.

"There ain't nothing to talk about, alright? I'm fine. Now did you want to borrow a book, or to waste my time?" Nicky said, averting her eyes. At this point, Morello had had enough. She didn't understand why Nicky was so cold towards her out of nowhere, but she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Fuck you." Morello snapped, turning to leave and knocking Nicky's pile of books over. "Fuck you too." She replied promptly, though her heart didn't seem to be in the insult. Her voice just sounded sad. She bent over and picked up the books one by one.

Morello huffed, stalked out of the library, and ignored the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Where'd you go?_

 _I miss you so._

 _Seems like it's been forever_

 _since you've been gone._

 _Please come back home."_

 _-Fort Minor / Where'd You Go_

* * *

chapter 3: confliction

Morello hadn't spoken to her since their fight at the library. She'd gone to the bathroom and cried out all her despair, till she was only left with anger.

She loved Nicky, in her own way, but she wasn't going to put up with her moodiness. Shouldn't she be at least a little glad to see her again?

The little Italian-American remembered the day the only person who'd ever cared about her was shipped off to max. "I love you," Nicky had said. Did she still?

"Hey Nicky." Chapman said, sitting at their table. Morello, Boo, Pennsatucky, and Nicky were already seated there, Boo and Pennsatucky trying valiantly to strike up a conversation with the orange-clad inmate and failing, while Morello silently ate her way through her disgusting breakfast.

"Hey, Chapman." Nicky got up, holding her empty tray and left without another word. "You know, she's been eating a lot these days." Boo mused.

"There ain't no point talkin' to her, she's quiet as fuck. But when I saw her she wasn't so bad. Now she's like all sad and shit." Pennsatucky shrugged. "Oh and hey, Morello." Chapman said suddenly, as though remembering something important.

"Yeah?" Morello replied. Chapman leaned forward. "Nicky needs your help, you know. You really need to talk to her." The blonde said, stuffing a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

"She's fine! Don't you worry about her Chapman, she can be very, very dramatic." Morello waved her words away, laughing faux-dismissively. "Besides, she won't talk to me." She added.

Chapman sighed. "Maybe you should figure out why. The Nicky I knew wouldn't freeze people out for no reason." She pointed out. "And she cared about you, Morello. A lot." Boo added, finishing her eggs.

"And I know you. You wouldn't give up on her so easily. So why won't you help her, when she needs it?" Chapman continued, her blue eyes boring into Morello's dark ones. Morello bit her red-smeared lip.

She sighed. "I just missed her so much." She said, choking on her words as she began to sob. Immediately, Chapman reached down her shirt and pulled out a tissue, handing it to Morello. Vause raised her eyebrows but said nothing.

"And when she got back I thought she'd be happy to see me, but she kept on ignorin' me and I just got so angry." Her voice broke, and her shoulders heaved as she sobbed.

"And that's why it's up to you, Morello." Chapman said gently, stroking her back. "You know something's wrong with her, so it's up to you to fix her. You know she cared about you the most, so she'll open up to you." She said.

Morello hiccuped. "I'll talk to her." She said, smiling at them with watery eyes. "Good luck. You'll need it." Chapman said, with Boo and Pennsatucky nodding beside her.

* * *

Later that day, Morello snuck off to the library to ask for Nicky. All the books had been restacked, so there was nothing much for them to do. Poussey was handling the borrowing of books while giving recommendations and reshelving an odd book here and there.

"Hey uh, is Nicky here?" Morello asked nervously, her wide dark eyes full of worry. "The white girl? She over there, sleepin' while I do all the work." Poussey pointed behind a bookshelf, rolling her eyes, though she didn't seem that mad. Perhaps she felt sorry for Nicky.

Morello thanked her, and ran to the direction she pointed in. Nicky was curled up asleep on the floor, her grey jacket folded and placed on a few books as a makeshift pillow.

Up close, she looked even worse than ever; her tangled mass of brown hair fell across her face, dry and uneven. Her arms were extremely thin, her hands resting on her stomach. The pyramid tattoo on her left arm had a little cut through it, marring the design on her skin.

Morello sighed sadly, all the anger she'd directed towards her melting away. She sat beside Nicky's sleeping form for a while, stroking her hair and singing to her, her voice soft and off-key.

"Hey Poussey?" Morello called from her spot. The taller girl jerked her head upwards, in a "what?" gesture. "Is it alright if I come back to wait for Nicky here later?" Morello asked.

Poussey shrugged, and Morello smiled gratefully, before resuming the stroking of her hair.

"We're gonna make you better, Nicky." Morello whispered, smiling at Nicky while she slept on, oblivious to her surroundings.


	4. Chapter 4

_"All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery_

 _as they steal your best memories away."_

 _-Rachael Yamagata / Quiet_

* * *

chapter 4: attempt

Nicky awoke several hours later to a sore neck and a faint, distinct, uniquely Morello-ish scent hovering around her. Morello had a light, perfumey scent that clung to her skin, probably from cheap perfume she'd asked Red to smuggle in all the time.

She inhaled gently, wondering if she was hallucinating. Nicky sat up and stretched, her arms extending as long as they could. She yawned, her fingers absently drumming against her thigh. She'd gotten quite jittery, or simply just restless, ever since her stint in max.

"Yo, you finally awake?" Poussey asked, walking over to Nicky. "Yeah. How long was I asleep?" She mumbled sleepily, getting to her feet.

"Like 10 years!" She said sarcastically, walking into her view, unceremoniously dumping a massive pile of battered books onto a table.

"Girl, you really need to get your shit together! I don't care if you just got back from max or whatever, you still gotta work!" Poussey said irritably, her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry." Nicky said apologetically, rubbing the back of her neck. Poussey softened. "Y'know, while you were asleep, your friend came by. What's her name, uh-" She paused.

"The little tiny-ass white girl." She continued, frowning. "Morello!" Poussey suddenly exclaimed, snapping her fingers. Nicky seemed to perk up. "Morello?" She repeated, almost afraid to hope.

"Yeah. Sittin' here touchin' your hair and shit. And singin' too." Poussey said, smiling at the orange-clad inmate. Nicky's smile faded. "Damn, her voice was off-key." She said to no one in particular.

"Hey, she over there if you wanna talk to her." The black girl pointed towards the other end of the library, where a figure lay slumped on a table, asleep.

"Doesn't she have a job to do?" Nicky asked. Poussey shrugged. "She left for a bit earlier, then came back. I think she's still on cleaning duty." She said. Nicky thanked her, and walked over to look for Morello.

The tiny girl was asleep, her head resting on her arms. Her expression was peaceful, her closed eyelids as though separating Morello from dreams and reality. Nicky smiled a little sadly, kissed her on the top of her dark hair, and left.

"I'm gonna reshelve these and then I'm gonna leave, alright?" Nicky said, pointing at a messy stack of books. Poussey nodded, and Nicky set to work while Morello slept.

* * *

The first thing Morello felt was pins and needles, all over her arm. Slowly she got up, blinking and pushing locks of dark hair out of her face.

"Maybe I shouldn't've slept on my arm." Morello mumbled, rubbing her arm to try to get rid of the tingly pins-and-needles sensation.

"Yo, you finally up?" Poussey flumped onto a chair by Morello's side. The tiny girl yawned. "What time is it?" She asked. "Time for you to go! We shuttin' down." Poussey said. "Where's Nicky?" Morello asked, looking around wildly.

"She left a while ago. You should hurry up, if you wanna get your girl." Poussey gave Morello a knowing look and a smile, which she obviously missed.

"Right. Thank you!" Morello smiled, gave her a little wave, and skipped out of the library.

"Nicky!" Morello finally caught up to her at dinner, running up to her and catching her in a sudden hug. "Inmate! No touching!" A random officer snarled. Morello released her instantly.

"I gotta talk to you." She said, her wide dark eyes pleading with Nicky. "Yeah?" Nicky answered. She turned to face Morello.

She looked less tired now, physically at least. Her hair was still choppy and unkempt, but her pale skin had regained a light, healthy glow. Her eyes, however, were still as hollow as ever, their dark brown colour flat and cold. They looked like dark, unlimited voids; like tunnels without an end.

"How about we go see the movie tonight together? Or go for a walk tomorrow, or play some cards, or..." Morello babbled earnestly, in hopes of convincing Nicky to spend time with her. For a moment she thought she'd say no.

"Alright. I'll see you at the movie later, maybe." Nicky smiled tiredly, the gesture not reaching her eyes. She slunk off.

"It's a start." Morello smiled at her retreating back.

Later that night, Morello went to the movie early, grabbing good seats for herself and Nicky.

She didn't show up.


	5. Chapter 5

_"You and I walk a fragile line_

 _I have known it all this time_

 _I just never thought I'd live to see it break."_

 _-Taylor Swift / Haunted_

* * *

chapter 5: connection

Morello walked up to Visitation as fast as she could, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Oh, how she _wished_ the inmates were allowed to run indoors.

After the standard security procedure, Morello entered the visitation room. Several individuals sat alone at small tables, awkwardly looking around at the room.

One tiny table was crowded by an entire family of brown-skinned children and a frazzled-looking man. Morello looked wistfully at the kids. One day when she gets out, she'd have that many babies too.

"Lorna!" Her husband, Vincent Muccio called, and Morello leaped towards him, embracing him tightly. "Oh, Vinnie." She murmured happily, kissing him passionately while her hands roamed his body. "Hands off now, Morello!" Officer Bell barked, and Morello released him reluctantly.

"It's so good to see you." Vincent smiled brightly, squeezing Morello's hand. "It's good to see you too." Morello grinned widely at him.

"Tell me, what's going on?" He asked, gently rubbing her hand with his thumb. "Well, you know the girl I told you about? Nicky?" Morello said. Her husband nodded.

"She's back from max now!" Morello said happily. Vincent smiled. "That's great!" He said, squeezing her hand. "I'm happy she's back." He continued, as though he genuinely was happy for them. He clearly didn't get it, though.

Sure, she'd told him about Nicky and how much she meant to her. But mere words couldn't express everything that the two ot them have gone through.

How could she explain the ways Nicky had put her back together, the times they'd spent together, the way all her walls had completely crumbled around Nicky and that when she cried she still found herself reaching out for her, the way the two of them would always be connected in some unique, beautiful way no one else could even try to get close to, to an outsider?

Morello smiled, a little sadly. "Yeah. But she's...different now." She said, sighing and leaning back, her eyes darting around the room.

"Different?" Vincent prompted. Morello's eyes landed on a figure watching them by the glass window. Morello just had enough time to spot the hard, immeasurably sad look on her face before she whipped out of sight, her curly brown hair flying behind her.

"I'm...sorry, I have to go." Morello said distractedly, jumping to her feet, standing on her tiptoes to try to catch the direction Nicky ran in.

"Lorna?" Vincent got to his feet too. "I'm sorry, baby." Morello gave him a rueful smile. "But I really gotta go." She hugged him quickly, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, unlike their usual passionate post-visitation face-sucking, and tossing a "see you soon!" over her shoulder as she stumbled out.

"Nicky!" She called, racing after her, thankful that there were no guards there. All she could think of was the look of sadness on her face. Nicky was far away from her, her only defining trait her choppy hair. She'd finally gotten her beige uniform a day ago, and was to be assigned a bunk soon.

"Nicky!" Morello called again, and Nicky stopped and turned. It was too late to stop the force of her momentum, so Morello barreled straight into Nicky, both of them tumbling to the floor.

The two of them lay on the floor, dazed for a moment. Nicky blinked the stars from her eyes as the pain of her head slamming against the floor sank in. Morello was thankful that she'd landed on Nicky, but it didn't help that she was all bony now.

"Remember when we used to lie like this?" Nicky asked unexpectedly, causing Morello to laugh. "Yep, I do. You were softer back then." Morello gently tapped the protruding bones of Nicky's elbow.

"Inmates! Up! Now!" O'Neill shouted, walking into the corridor, and Morello scrambled off Nicky, helping her to her feet. "Sorry, sir." Both inmates said innocently, casually walking away together.

"Really, though. It was nice, when we lay together." Morello smiled up at Nicky, pacing with her. "Yeah." Nicky gave Morello a small, crooked smile. Morello blinked at her. For a moment, she could almost believe that she imagined the raw sadness she saw on Nicky's face.

"It was always after we fucked." Nicky continued, turning away and walking slowly, pushing her choppy hair out of her face. "But there were a few times when I was crying and you held me." Morello reminisced, the memories from long-ago resurfacing in her mind.

Bits and pieces, of emotions once felt so strongly, they'd never truly go away. The feel of Nicky's warm arms wrapped around her. The way she'd felt sad, useless, and utterly devoid of hope, but also safe, and _warm_. The way the walls she'd tried to build around her heart had crumbled instantly around the person she trusted most in the world.

"Yeah." Nicky continued walking, her voice tight. Morello realised that she'd never seen Nicky cry before. It was always Nicky holding her, Nicky consoling her, Nicky loving her. It never was her doing the holding.

"I've never seen you cry before." Morello said quietly.

"I know." Nicky said, equally softly. "Why?" She asked. Nicky paused.

"I guess I was too busy taking care of you." The ex-junkie said slowly, drawing her words out. They walked in silence for a moment, before Morello spoke up, her voice soft.

"Then maybe it's time for me to take care of you." Nicky looked over at her, and Morello held her gaze. And for the first time in a while, a tiny spark had rekindled in Nicky Nichols's dark eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

_"I just didn't want to have to ask_

 _I just didn't want to have to_

 _least of all people you."_

 _-Carina Round / Do You_

* * *

chapter 6: clarity

Morello still felt a little guilty for running out on Vincent, but she was glad that Nicky was speaking to her again. She was determined to rekindle the spark in her again, permanently.

"Nicky!" Morello said, running up to her and reaching for her arm. However, she miscalculated the distance she'd have to reach, and grabbed the taller inmate's wrist instead. She could feel the rough scars on her skin beneath her fingers.

Instantly, Nicky froze, jerked her arm away, before leaving the scene, her fingers fidgeting uncomfortably. Morello watched her go, frowning. It was like the little progress they'd made the other day was completely for nothing.

An idea struck her. But she needed help to execute her plan. Morello skipped off, her target shifting temporarily from Nicky to someone else.

* * *

"Hey uh, Doggett?" Morello asked timidly, coming up to the other girl shyly. She never did manage to get around her feeling of wariness towards the hillbilly. She felt that the nickname 'Pennsatucky' was too familiar, and decided to stick with her last name.

"Yeah, Morello?" Pennsatucky smiled back. She'd been much more smiley ever since she'd gotten her fake teeth. "Uh, could you, um, pass me the list of girls who got back from max with Nicky?" Morello's voice grew softer and softer with each word, till it was barely a whisper.

"What?" Pennsatucky frowned. Morello sighed, and repeated her question. "Oh." The brown-haired girl paused for a moment. "Why?" She asked. Morello bit her lip. She didn't have an answer for that that didn't seem creepy.

"Y'know what, I ain't gonna ask. Here." Pennsatucky reached into her grey jacket and pulled out a creased and folded sheet of paper. Morello raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Thank you." She said, her pale fingers clasping on the paper. "Oh, uh, Doggett, just one more thing..." Morello said, unable to stop herself.

"Yeah?" Pennsatucky smiled. She really did love to smile. "Why are you still showin' new inmates around, even when you're no longer the driver?" Morello asked.

"Well, they don't got any other job for me, so Maritza let me help her out, since I kinda like meetin' new inmates." Pennsatucky grinned almost shyly, and Morello was struck by the difference between the happy, relaxed girl she was now versus the crazy, religious psychopath she used to be.

"Alright. Thank you, Pennsatucky." Morello smiled, and Pennsatucky was taken aback for a moment, blinking at Morello in confusion, before a genuine, happy smile spread across her lips.

* * *

The list Pennsatucky gave her safely tucked in her pocket, Morello scouted the halls, asking for one particular inmate. It took her a good half an hour to find her, but she finally did.

She was an old woman, with dark skin, grey hair pulled back in a bun, and brown eyes. Wrinkles lined her face, and her lips were thick and chapped. She was lying down in her bunk reading, a disdainful expression on her face.

"A-are you... Johnson?" Morello asked the black girl nervously, quickly consulting the list. The black woman narrowed her eyes at the Italian-American girl.

"Depends on who's asking." Johnson said, putting away her book, indicating that Morello was welcome to sit with her. She took a seat at the edge of her bed.

"You ever read that?" Johnson asked, jerking her thumb at the book. Morello peered at the title. "The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green." She read. "I think Miss Rosa read that while she was still here."

"It's a shitty fucking book. Some white people romance bullshit." Johnson snorted. Morello laughed nervously. "So what do you want, white girl?" She asked.

"You were in max, right? And got transferred up for good behavior?" Morello asked, mentally consulting the list tucked in her pocket. "What's your real question?" Johnson fired back.

"I wanted to ask you about my friend. Nicky?" Morello continued, her fingers curling around the edge of her shirt. Johnson frowned.

"White girl? Curly brown hair that look like she's never heard of a comb?" The older woman asked. Morello nodded earnestly.

Johnson exhaled slowly. "I know her. I rode next to her in the van here. What do you want to know?" She asked at last. She reminded Morello eerily of Miss Claudette, the way her voice and facial expression screamed no nonsense. Morello fidgeted uncomfortably.

"What happened to her?" The tiny girl asked. The older woman looked at her with an expression almost like pity.

"Down in max, we stay in cells, released for one hour a day for a walk, so the inmates wouldn't try to kill themselves in there. That was a new policy. They got too many suicides down there. You'd be surprised what people can do with their fists and pieces of porcelain from the toilets. Anyway, that's the only time we get to interact with other people. Other than that, it's just a dimly lit room that people shove food in occasionally. It is truly fucking awful down there."

"You see, your friend was new, and didn't know how things worked down there. Soon her big fucking mouth got her into shit with the other inmates. Every day the others used her as a punching bag, just because she was an idiot on the first day in."

Johnson took a deep breath, and sighed. Morello's eyes were wide with horror. "But weren't the guards there to stop it?" She asked in shock.

Johnson scoffed. "The guards don't give a fuck as long as they don't kill her, white girl. Like I said, they got too many deaths down there, gotta cut it down before they get shut down." She said, pausing for a moment before continuing.

"But that wasn't the worst of it. You see, it was like hell down there. Your friend cried out someone's name every nighy, loud enough for everyone else to hear. There were a few names, but she called out for one particular person most frequently."

"But back to them now. At this point, she was angry. She was hungry. She was tired. I've never seen anyone this angry before. She attacked another inmate."

"She nearly killed her, and she knocked out several others too, and she was taken away. The high-ups asked her what happened, she told them, and they sent her away to solitary."

Johnson took a deep breath.

"She told me they transferred her there to 'recover' and shit, and that it was the worst place she's ever been. She said it even made the SHU here really seem like a sunny island. Our cells in max were dim, but we had beds and were fed somewhat consistently, and we get to shower once every few days. She told me in solitary, the light doesn't work for the majority of the time, they barely fed her, they were allowed to shower once a week, and she didn't have a bed."

"But when she got back, everything got even worse. So they transferred her back into solitary for another few months, then back up here for 'good behavior', because she was causing too much trouble."

Morello remained silent till the end, tears dripping from her eyes. Nicky had to go through all that, just for apparently owning some drugs? It wasn't fair. "Do you need a tissue?" Johnson asked, handing her one.

"Thanks." Morello sniffled, blowing her nose into the tissue. Nicky, her strong, sarcastic Nicky, with the biggest heart of them all, forced to endure all that all by herself?

"So that's all. I hope that helps." The older woman gave the Italian-American girl a surprisingly warm smile.

"Thank you, really." Morello said, getting up. "Hey uh, just one more question, real quick before I go." She said, wiping away the mascara running down her cheeks.

"Who was the person that she called out for the most?" Morello asked. Johnson frowned, thinking for a moment. "She said the girl's name was Lorna." She answered. "Recognize it?"

"Yep, I do." Morello thanked her again, and scuttled out, her heart constricting in her chest.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: to everyone who left reviews , thank you so much ! I really enjoy reading your comments , and thank you for supporting me / the story (: and I know the chapters are really short now but I swear I will do my absolute best to make them longer in the future. thanks again , and my tumblr is littlemissdoggett if anyone wants to ask me questions or anything !_

* * *

 _"I know your trouble_

 _girl don't be afraid_

 _let me help."_

 _-Ne-Yo / Let Me Love You_

* * *

chapter 7: frustration

"Lorna." Red said, gesturing for the younger girl to join her. Morello was sitting down in her bunk immersed in a book, but you don't disobey Red if you know what's good for you, so she followed obediently, shutting her book and tucking it underneath her arm.

"I was going to throw Nicky a party to celebrate her coming back, but she keeps avoiding me. Has she spoken to you?" The Russian woman asked in an urgent whisper.

"No, no she hasn't. She's been avoidin' me too." Morello frowned. "Nicky wouldn't avoid you. Why's she doing it now?" She continued questioningly.

"Something's happened to my daughter. I don't know what it is, but you have to help her." Red gripped her shoulders tightly. Morello winced from the pain of Red's fingers digging into her flesh.

"Wh-why me? I thought she cared about you the most." Morello whimpered softly. "Oh, Lorna, don't be stupid. You _know_ she loved you." Red sighed, releasing her.

"Look, I got no time to take care of Nicky. I love her, but I really can't. I have the kitchen and everything. I'm sorry. But I think it's up to you." The redhead said. She grabbed Morello's delicate wrists.

"Take care of her." She said fiercely. "I will-" Morello began, stumbling over her words, but Red cut her off, her fingers tightening around her wrists.

"Promise me!" Red snarled. "I-I promise, Red." Morello pleaded earnestly, trying to pull her wrists from Red's ironclad grip.

"Good." Red released her. She placed a gentle hand on Morello's shoulder. She smiled, and Morello couldn't fully return the gesture.

* * *

Morello paced around the bunks, looking for Nicky. Even though she knew what Nicky had gone through, she still didn't know what to do. She had to _try_ , though. She found her in one of the bunks, hanging out with the last person she thought she'd speak to.

"Damn, you're good at this." Pennsatucky sighed, tossing her cards onto the bed and running her fingers through her short hair. Nicky grinned and shuffled the cards, dealing them swiftly, her foot tapping against the floor.

"At least Boo isn't here anymore. She was kickin' our asses earlier." She continued, scooping up her cards. "Yeah. She cheats, you know?" Nicky said, sorting through her hand.

"What? How?" Pennsatucky frowned. "You know how these cards all have dents and scratches and shit? Boo memorized them, and can tell which is which." Nicky said.

"That ain't fuckin' fair!" Pennsatucky exclaimed, her eyes meeting Nicky's. "Yeah, well, maybe she taught me her ways, maybe she didn't." Nicky grinned crookedly, and Pennsatucky laughed and shoved her.

Morello burned with anger, and also jealousy. Why would she hang out with _Pennsatucky_ of all people? She sidled into the bunk, fingers curled around the edge of her shirt.

"Hey." Morello said. "Hey." Pennsatucky greeted her with a smile and a wave, while Nicky muttered a noncommittal "hi". Morello sat and watched the other two while they played, Pennsatucky getting increasingly frustrated at Nicky's constant victories, while Nicky's light cheerfulness earlier evaporated slowly.

"Fucking hell, I'm sure you're cheatin' too. I'm out." Pennsatucky threw down her remaining cards, and stood up.

"I'm gonna beat ya one day, Nichols." She said, jabbing a finger at Nicky, tossing a grin at her, and stumbling off. "I'll be waiting, Penn." Nicky retorted, smiling.

"Nicky." Morello said, climbing onto the bed, where Nicky was putting the cards away. "What?" She said, all the friendliness melting out of her voice.

"Look, Nicky, I know what happened to you in there. I just wanna help." Morello pleaded. "What?" Nicky answered, eyes widening. "I talked to Johnson, who told me she knew you?" She said.

Nicky's eyes darkened. "Look. What happened in there doesn't matter. The important thing is I'm back from that shithole to this other shithole, and that the whole family's okay, alright?" She said.

Morello got up. Nicky was in one of her moods again, and Morello knew better than to press further. "You should talk to Red, you know. She says you've been avoiding her."

Nicky gave a shrug, put away her cards, and turned away. Morello took this as her cue to leave.

"Fine. I'll go. But I won't give up on you, okay?" Morello said to Nicky's back, before walking away with her hands in her pockets.

* * *

Morello walked into dinner later than usual, as she'd misplaced her lipstick, and needed to hunt for it in case she got in trouble for owning contraband. She paused to peek into the kitchen, and saw Red and Nicky talking.

She couldn't hear what they said, but she saw Red pull Nicky into a hug, and Nicky's arms tentatively snaked around the other woman too. Nicky's eyes were closed, her fingers clenching the fabric of Red's shirt as though her life depended on it, while Red stroked her back soothingly, whispering words only Nicky could hear.

"Well at least she's talking to Red now." Morello mumbled to no one in particular, lining up for her food. "She's still _not_ talking to you?" Chapman said in surprise. Morello jumped.

"Jesus, Chapman." Morello breathed, her heart rate increasing. "Sorry." Chapman offered her a sheepish smile.

"What were you sayin' about Nicky?" Morello asked as Maritza handed her a tray. "I was asking if she's still not talking to you, because she seems fine with me." Chapman said, taking her own tray.

"She's also talking to Vause and Boo and even Pennsatucky, but she seems to hate me." Morello said miserably, following Chapman to where Vause sat.

"You know, Morello, I don't think she hates you." Chapman said thoughtfully. "When I was angry with something Larry did, I'd freeze him out till he figured it out. I think Nicky wants you to figure it out."

"But I didn't do anything!" Morello protested. Chapman just gave her a look as she began shovelling food into her mouth.

"Are you sure?" Vause asked. " _Yes_!" Morello said angrily, waving her fork in the air. "Why don't you ask her, then?" Chapman asked.

"I will, then!" Morello said, slamming her cutlery onto the table and stalking off to find Nicky.

In the deepest, darkest part of her heart, Morello was angry at Nicky, for finally returning as this pale, broken shell of who she once was. Morello didn't want this sad Nicky, she wanted _her_ Nicky, the one who smiled and laughed and made her feel safe.

And she was willing to do whatever it took to get her Nicky back.


	8. Chapter 8

_"Just tonight,_

 _I will stay_

 _and we'll throw it all away."_

 _-The Pretty Reckless / Just Tonight_

* * *

chapter 8: movie

"Nicky!" Morello said, tugging on her arm. Nicky sighed. Morello was suddenly aware that she ran up to her and called for her every day, almost like it was a routine.

"What?" Nicky asked, as per her usual cold manner. Just a moment ago, she'd been clutching Red as though her life depended on it, and now it was as though the walls around her heart that had crumbled when her mother had held her had returned in a split second. Her fingers were drumming rapidly on the table.

"Come sit with me." Morello said firmly, tugging her by her hand, while Nicky balanced her tray on her other hand and followed her. As she passed Chapman and Vause's table, she snatched up her tray, before Boo could steal her fruit cup.

She brought Nicky to a quiet section of the room. "Tell me. Why won't you talk to me?" Morello demanded. "What are you talkin' about?" Nicky asked, shovelling food into her mouth rapidly.

"You've been all quiet around me. What's going on? You won't talk to me." Morello said, her anger fading, replaced with desperation.

"Look, there ain't nothing to talk about. I've told you this already. I did my time in max, and now I'm back, and I _don't want to fucking talk_ , and this food tastes like shit but I'm fucking _starving_ , so I just want to fuckin' eat, alright?" Nicky's voice rose with each word, till she was practically yelling.

"Inmates! Do we have a problem?" CO Donaldson asked, walking over to them. "No! No problem at all." Nicky and Morello said in unison.

Donaldson eyed them suspiciously, walking off and leaving the two alone. "Look, you need anything else? Or can I finish my breakfast?" Nicky said, stuffing eggs into her mouth.

"Do you want to go to the movie tonight together?" Morello asked. She meant to be angry at Nicky, so she didn't quite know why she asked her that, but it just came out. There was no turning back now.

"What?" Nicky asked. "Movie. You, me. Tonight." Morello said, almost shyly. She was never shy around Nicky before. She bit her red lip nervously.

"I'm not doing anything tonight." Nicky said with a shrug, which was her way of saying yes. Morello smiled to herself. It was like planning a date, in a way, only she was married and Nicky was just her friend. "Will you _actually_ be there this time?" She questioned, tapping her fork against her tray. "I don't even have earphones." Nicky said, shoving the last of her eggs into her mouth and biting into her muffin.

"I got you covered." Morello smiled and winked at her friend. Nicky finished her muffin at top speed, draining her drink and leaving. Morello finished her own meal, and left too, her heart lighter than it had been in a while.

* * *

Nicky was waiting for Morello outside the room where they played the movies. Morello's pace quickened when she saw her curly-haired friend. She wasn't actually expecting Nicky to show up, and almost left her spare set of earphones behind.

"Nicky! You came! It's so good to see you." Morello threw her arms around Nicky's neck happily, holding her for a while. "No touching, inmate! That's a shot." Officer Bell wrote a shot for Morello, who didn't really care. Still, that didn't stop her from pulling a face at Bell's back as she walked away, clearly pleased with herself.

"You see me every day, kid." Nicky said, jamming her hands into her pockets and looking down, her curly locks of hair falling into her face and obscuring her expression. "I know, but..." Morello grinned up at Nicky.

"Oh, uh, here are the earphones." She fished out her spare earphones from her pocket, handing the tangled wires to Nicky. "Thanks. Are these mine?" Nicky asked.

"Yeah." Morello said happily, pulling out her own pair. She'd almost forgot that her spares were Nicky's. "What about the rest of my stuff?" Nicky asked. Morello just winked. "I got it covered." She said mysteriously.

"Let's go, then." They entered the room, and chose seats as close to the front as they could. "Fuckin' Spanish girls always getting the good seats." Nicky murmured, as she struggled to see over Flaca's head. Morello giggled, as the Spanish girl muttered a string of curses under her breath, no doubt directed to Nicky.

Girls began to file in one by one, while Morello and Nicky chatted about things Nicky had missed while she was gone. Morello told her about how Red and Healy had been spending a lot of time together ("Please don't tell me Healy's gonna be my fucking dad," Nicky groaned), about the new CO who raped Pennsatucky ("and Penn didn't do anything about it? She's getting soft. But I'm glad she's okay," Nicky smiled), about Suzanne's erotica series ("God _damn_ , is that shit still going around?" Nicky wondered aloud), and about Chapman's used panty business ("I'd buy those," Nicky admitted with a laugh).

"And there was this really really hot girl, Stella, who had like, an Australian accent and a thing with Chapman. She's down in max now though." Morello said.

"Damn. I would've loved to meet her, and also eat her, if even _you_ thought she was hot." Nicky said lightly, and Morello laughed. She resisted the urge to tell Nicky how much she'd missed their easy banter. Even Morello knew that saying something like that would just ruin the moment. Instead, she just snuggled against Nicky's shoulder as the movie began.

It was some romance movie, with some really stupid plot and two boring male and female characters played by a completely white cast. It was some sort of teenage coming-of-age romance thing, apparently. Whatever it was, it wasn't very good.

"Jesus Christ, who picked this fucking hetero shit?" Nicky murmured. Morello laughed softly, snuggling closer. She'd kept her head on Nicky's shoulder the entire time, and initially, Nicky's body had been tense, but gradually, she'd relaxed, and had even stretched a tentative arm around Morello's slim shoulders, her own foot tapping rapidly.

"God, this is boring. But I kinda like 'em, as a couple." Morello whispered. "Of course you do. You're a romantic." Nicky said absently, returning her focus to the awful movie. Nicky kept up a string of running sarcastic commentary under her breath almost the whole time, which Morello could hear even with her earphones, but she didn't mind. Nicky's muttered comments made Morello giggle like crazy, and the inmates sitting around them cursed at them to shut the fuck up.

Around the ending, there was a predictable twist, and the male lead died. Nicky didn't care for him at all, so she felt nothing, but beside her, Morello was sniffling softly.

"Really?" Nicky asked in genuine surprise. "She's so sad that he's gone, and I know both of them are really awful, but I can't help it. She really did love him." Morello said, sniffling.

Nicky brushed away her tears with her thumb gently, and jerked her hand away suddenly, as though just only remembering she couldn't touch her.

Morello gave her a surprised look and sniffled. Nicky looked over at her for a moment, her eyes blank, before unplugging her earphones, as the end credits began rolling.

"God, that was a shit movie. A complete waste of my fucking time." Nicky said, one earphone dangling from her pocket. "Yeah. But it was sad at the end, though." Morello said absently.

"Jesus Christ, that romance was as convincing as Boo trying to pretend she's not a man." Nicky scoffed. They reached the dorms, or The Suburbs. "But we got to hang out, which was great!" Morello sang cheerily, nudging Nicky's too-prominent ribs with her elbow. Nicky offered her a crooked smile. "Yeah." She agreed, almost grudgingly. It was quiet for a moment.

"Well, goodnight, Nicky." Morello hugged her gently, and a long while later, she felt Nicky's thin arms gently wrap around her too.

"Goodnight."


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: I edited the previous chapter a little , because I forgot to add some things. also , I know quite a few things differ from canon here in this chapter but c'mon , it's not anything like , really earth-shattering , y'know ? thank you all for your support , and happy reading !_

* * *

 _"It's been such a long time coming_

 _but I feel good."_

 _-Evanescence / Good Enough_

* * *

chapter 9: gift

"You look chipper today." Chapman noted, spotting a grinning Nicky walk up to them with her tray. It was the cheeriest Morello had seen her in ages. Vause was sitting silently with them, immersed in a book.

She looked much better than when she came in; her cheekbones were less prominent, her arms and legs looked less like twigs and more like actual limbs, and her body finally had some shape to it. Though her hair looked much healthier, it was still long and unkempt. She wasn't as thin as before, though the dark circles underneath her eyes were as dark as ever. Some colour had returned to her pale skin.

"I'm getting my bunk at last." Nicky answered happily, shovelling oatmeal into her mouth at top speed. "Congrats! Wow, that took really long." Chapman said in surprise, sipping her drink, absently stirring her own oatmeal, which oddly resembled a bowl of cement.

"Yeah, Caputo said they were all full, but some of the inmates got transferred, so I'm moving in." Nicky said cheerfully, her bowl of oatmeal more than halfway empty. Her fingers were drumming on the table, as though she was absolutely unable to sit still. Morello resisted the urge to reach out and gently rest her hand on Nicky's.

"I remember when _I_ was here the first time, it didn't take that long to get assigned a bunk." Chapman reminisced, stirring her oatmeal absently. Nicky downed the last bit of her own oatmeal, drained her drink, and left.

"Is it me, or is she eating so much more these days? I swear, she's like the only one around here who actually finishes the meals." Chapman said, pushing her barely touched bowl of oatmeal away in disgust, while Morello and Vause simply carried on ignoring her.

* * *

Nicky gathered all her things in her arms, walking to the bunks with some difficulty, her thin arms barely keeping her belongings pressed against her chest. Vause, who was in her bunk reading, gave a start of surprise.

"Holy shit. You're my new bunkie?" Vause said in delight, pushing her glasses onto the top of her head. Nicky grinned and dumped her stuff onto the bed.

"Fuck yes! I thought I'd have to share with someone I didn't know." Vause laughed and put aside her book, hugging Nicky, who patted her back gently.

"So where's all my stuff?" Nicky asked. Vause raised a single eyebrow. "I'm not sure. I think you should ask Morello." She said, grinning at Nicky, who sighed.

"So Piper has this theory that you're not speaking to her because you're angry at her." Vause said, looking at Nicky expectantly. "I'm completely alright with Chapman. Believe it or not, the world doesn't actually revolve around her." Nicky said. Vause rolled her eyes. "You _know_ what I mean." She sighed. "I'm talking about Lorna."

"Mind your own business." Nicky said absently, shoving her edgy curls out of her face and leaving to find the little Italian-American girl, leaving Vause to sigh at her again.

She found Morello in the bunk next to hers, reading a magazine. "Nicky!" Morello said in surprise, putting away her magazine. "You got your bunk?" She asked.

Nicky nodded. "Yeah. With Vause." She replied. "Oh good, that's not too far from here! So uh, I'm guessing you want your stuff, right?" Morello rooted through her little cabinet and pulled out a small box full of random items.

Morello didn't tell her that when she was first taken to max, all the other inmates had descended upon her things like vultures. Leanne wanted her radio, Yoga Jones wanted her jacket, Boo wanted her headphones, and so on, but Morello had managed to wheedle them to return most of Nicky's things. She'd had to part with half her commissary funds, her brand-new tube of lipstick (what did Angie want to do with lipstick? Trade it for meth?), her favourite pair of socks, and various other random items.

She'd kept Nicky's things safe and sound for her return, giving away only her hairbrush to Red, and letting Boo keep one of her notebooks. Morello used to bring them out every morning and cry into Nicky's old sweater, which still smelled like her—soap and smoke, most likely from her work in electrical, or her illegally obtained cigarettes. Hell, she'd worn the damn thing every day, as though carrying a part of Nicky with her.

Weeks passed, and Nicky hadn't returned, and gradually the items that Morello had cried over every morning now sat in her cabinet gathering dust.

Nicky rooted through the things in the box for a bit, then frowned. "Some of my stuff's gone." She said. "Um, Red has your hairbrush, and Boo took one of your notebooks. I kept the rest though!" Morello said guiltily, perking up at the last bit.

Nicky sighed, tossed a "thanks, kid" over her shoulder, and walked away, her boxful of items in her hands. Morello rooted through her cabinet, and her fingers brushed against something unfamiliar.

She pulled out a notebook, and flipped to the first page, where Nicky had scrawled her surname into the top right corner to indicate that this belonged to her. She didn't know she had another notebook. Out of intense curiousity, Morello flipped to a random page in the notebook, and found it completely full of drawings.

Morello flipped through slowly, her eyes taking in the detail of Nicky's cartoonish drawings. Sure, she wasn't a skilled artist like Daya, but her drawings had a certain childish charm to them.

She saw doodles of everyone, from Vause to Chapman to Red to even Boo, and so on. There were little drawings of Vause and Chapman kissing, of Boo and Pennsatucky playing with Little Boo, of Norma and Gina playing cards, and so on. Every stroke of Nicky's pencil was clearly carefully calculated, and full of love.

And the next page was completely full of drawings of her. Drawings depicting her with her brow furrowed as she planned her wedding with Christopher (oh, that seemed like such a long time ago), of her when she got a new haircut, of her smiling and wearing her scarf with a pair of sunglasses perched atop her head.

And Nicky had drawn herself too. There were drawings of her hitting Luschek on the head with a wrench, of her as a child sitting on Red's lap, and of course, drawings of her and Morello together. Apparently she'd paid more attention to these, and had made an effort to make them more lifelike.

In the drawings, Morello was clutching her pillow and crying with her head in Nicky's lap, while she held her gently and stroked her short hair. There were others too, such as one where Nicky was wearing a tux and Morello was wearing a wedding dress, and their hands were joined. There were other doodles too, but the drawings involving Morello occupied the majority of space in the book.

So on it went, till she'd stopped suddenly, halfway through a drawing that she never finished. It was another piece of artwork depicting the two of them as teenagers, apparently. In the drawing, a teenaged girl with a halo of messy curls was holding out a flower to a different, tiny girl with dark hair. It wasn't finished, however, so the artwork was mostly comprised of sketchy lines here and there. Morello's chest tightened. It was the day she was sent to max.

"Having fun?" Nicky asked sarcastically, walking up to Morello. She jumped. "Jesus!" She exclaimed, dropping the book.

"Nope, just me." Nicky said, snatching up the notebook. "Who the hell gave you the right to look through my stuff?" She asked softly, tucking the notebook under her arm.

"I..." Morello couldn't answer. With an almost exasperated look on her face, Nicky walked away angrily. Morello couldn't help but notice that despite her anger, her eyes were completely blank and emotionless, like a doll's.

* * *

Morello finished her breakfast early the next day, using her time to scout the field for the tiny wildflowers that grew by the fence. She pounced on every single one she saw, gathering them into a tiny bouquet. She pulled a small blue ribbon out of her pocket (she'd had to trade a pack of M&Ms with Daya for it. It was pretty much fucking daylight robbery) and bound the small blossoms tightly.

She knotted a neat ribbon, making sure both ends were of equal length. Pleased with her handiwork, Morello slipped the flowers into her pocket.

She figured she'd give them to Nicky as a token of her apology. After all, every girl liked flowers, right? While Nicky wasn't like any other girl, surely even she liked flowers.

Morello snuck into the library, where Poussey was already there, having a chat with Soso, their voices low. They looked up when she entered. "Your girl ain't here yet." Poussey said. "Oh no no no, she's not my girl, we're just friends is all!" Morello laughed softly, waving away the comment, while Poussey and Soso shared a look, the corner of Soso's mouth quirking upward slightly.

"Anyway uh, will you pass this to Nicky later when she gets her?" Morello said hopefully, handing the bouquet to Poussey, who clicked her tongue.

"Damn. You two sweeter than fuckin' lollipops." Poussey said, grabbing the flowers from Morello. She gave her a grateful nod, and scampered out.

Later that night, Morello walked by Nicky's and Vause's bunk, and peeked in. Vause's side was extremely tidy, with her books organized neatly on her cabinet, and her other things lined up properly beside the books. A stack of letters occupied the front corner of her table, while she usually set her glasses on the other side.

Nicky's side was messy, as though she'd tried organizing her things as well as Vause had and given up halfway. Her books were all stacked up in a pile, her makeup arranged messily next to it. Her other things were in a box, as she couldn't be bothered to put them away. There were no letters in sight.

With a jolt, Morello realised that Nicky had no correspondence with her family at all. At least Franny came to visit sometimes. Outside of Litchfield, Nicky had no one.

Morello gazed at her bunk sadly for a moment, before noticing the bundle of wildflowers tied with a blue ribbon sitting on the edge of her table wedged between the wall and her makeup. The edges of the flower petals were already blackening and drying, and it wouldn't be long before the entire bouquet of flowers followed suit.

Even so, Morello smiled. By the looks of it, she'd purposefully placed it at such an angle where only she could see it; like a secret that belonged only to them.

Morello dawdled there for a moment, her gaze lingering on the small flowers. Nicky returned to her bunk, her wild hair damp and plastered to her skin, her towel draped around her neck.

"Having fun?" She asked, repeating her earlier question, though her voice wasn't unfriendly this time. Morello bit her lip uncomfortably.

"Relax. It was just a matter of time till you saw it anyway. And it's not like you never knew about it previously." Nicky said, putting away her towel. "Knew about what?" Morello asked.

Nicky sighed loudly. Morello crossed her arms over her chest, clearly offended.

"It's nothing." Nicky sat on her bed, gesturing for Morello to sit with her. "So, you unpacked all your things yet?" Morello asked. Nicky shook her head.

"Okay." Morello answered, and they sat in silence for a bit. "Thank you." Nicky said suddenly. "For what?" Morello asked.

"The flowers." Nicky said. Morello was surprised, but a warm feeling began to spread across her chest. She threw her arms around Nicky, her head resting against her forearm.

"You're welcome."


	10. Chapter 10

_"I wrote this song for my mother_

 _wrote this song for our father_

 _so hopefully we can come together_

 _and hopefully make things a little better."_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Free Now_

* * *

chapter 10: mother

"Jesus Nichols, you really need to do something about that hair." Vause commented during lunch, tugging on one of Nicky's curly brown locks. Her hair was longer and wilder than ever, as she refused to go see Danita and Sophia was still in the SHU. It hung down to her waist, and was still horribly choppy at the ends.

Chapman ran her fingers through the brown locks, her fingers getting caught in the tangles of Nicky's soft locks of hair. "Well at least it's not dry anymore, just messy." She commented, trying to disentangle her fingers from Nicky's hair.

Nicky smiled humorlessly and gently helped Chapman free herself. "Yeah, it was hard to keep good hair in max when they wouldn't even let you shower most of the time." She said. Morello watched her intently.

Nicky seemed much more like her usual self already, though she still seemed to carry a heavy aura of sadness around her. Sure, she laughed and joked and even slept around occasionally, but her eyes were cold and hollow, and sometimes even sad. Her eyes used to have a sort of explosive light in them; much like the aftermath of the explosion of a bomb, or the flames of an inferno.

The light was completely gone.

"Anyone coming to visit you today, Chapman?" Nicky asked, changing the topic smoothly. Chapman shook her head. "My mom doesn't want to come, and Cal and Neri are busy." She said.

"Vincent'll be here today right?" Vause asked, directing her question towards Morello, who nodded enthusiastically. "I better get ready to see him!" She said, departing the table and taking her empty tray with her.

"What about you, Nicky?" Chapman asked. Nicky shook her head. "Nope. No one for me." She replied.

* * *

It came as a shock to her when she was eating cheese puffs and watching TV with Boo, and she heard the words "Nichols to visitation" blast from the speaker several times. Boo raised her eyebrows.

"Who's coming to see you, son?" Boo asked, stealing one of Nicky's puffs. "I don't know." Nicky said in genuine surprise, absently handing the bag to Boo, who grinned broadly, and walking down to visitation, awkwardly combing her untamed curls with her fingers.

After the usual security procedures, Nicky walked into the room nervously, looking around at the other inmates chatting with their families, friends, or significant others.

"Nicole!" A voice she never thought she'd hear again called, and her blood froze. Nicky turned to the source of her voice.

A woman with short brown hair cut in a style meant to make her appear classy, dark eyes, and lips smeared with expensive red lipstick sat at a table. Her face was lined, though not too lined as to make her seem old. The scent of expensive perfume lingered around her. The woman looked elegant and smart, especially in the expensive black pantsuit she wore.

It was her mother.

* * *

Morello didn't know Nicky had a visitor. After her usual greeting kiss with Vincent (as usual, CO Bell had barked at them to break it up when they got too touchy-feely), a woman who bore a surprising resemblance to Nicky had sat at the table next to hers. She looked like an older, boring version of the wild, sarcastic girl Morello knew; like Nicky without her blinding, explosive light, or if Nicky had decided to get a haircut, perm her hair, and get a job as an accountant. Nicky walked into visitation, and froze upon hearing the woman call her.

Morello remembered the day she'd found out her name was legitimately Nicole Nichols, and she'd laughed and laughed and laughed, and at some point Nicky had laughed too, and the two of them had sat together on the stairs and giggled like crazy while the other inmates stared at them weirdly and Pornstache gave the two of them a shot each.

"Hello, Marka." Nicky said stiffly, taking the seat opposite her. This was her _mother_ , Morello realised with surprise, then felt foolish soon after. Of _course_. It couldn't be her sister or anything, as Nicky was an only child.

Morello broke off her conversation with her husband to eavesdrop on the Nichols women. "Are you okay? Are you really back for good?" Marka sounded genuinely concerned about her daughter, and reached out to touch her face.

Nicky recoiled from her mother's touch. "I'm fine, Marka. I'm back here now, and they added a couple years to my sentence, and that's it." Nicky said coolly. She seemed to be avoiding her mother's gaze, and she almost looked like she was holding her breath. Which would make sense, as scent was the most powerful memory trigger, and Nicky was probably trying to block out years of her mother walking away from her, leaving only the scent of overpriced perfume behind.

"What happened to your hair?" Her mother asked, tentatively touching one of Nicky's curly locks of hair. Nicky flinched away from her again. Marka's expression changed into one of exasperation and disappointment. Morello hastily began babbling about a random topic with Vincent again, to spare Nicky the humiliation of havng someone listen in to a private conversation.

"Mr Caputo called me and told me everything. Why couldn't you kick the drugs, Nicky? You know, I thought you were better than this. I thought you actually had a brain in there." Marka snapped. Her voice wasn't loud, but it carried easily, and it cut into Morello's and Vincent's conversation. They cast uneasy glances towards the woman in the pantsuit berating her broken daughter.

"Yeah well, I'm a fuck-up, alright? Is that what you wanna hear, Marka? I fucked up. I was an idiot. I'm a disappointment, yeah?" Nicky's voice grew louder and louder, quivering slightly. Morello looked over, breaking off her conversation with Vincent. She wanted to scream at the woman, to tear at her hair, to make her feel all the pain she had inflicted upon Nicky for her entire life. For the first time in Morello's memory, the entire Visitation room was silent. Even the COs were eavesdropping shamelessly.

"Is there a problem here?" A voice with a heavy Russian accent pierced the silence, and a steady hand perched itself on Nicky's shoulder. Red stood behind Nicky, in all her red-haired glory, her eyes narrowed fiercely.

Red had left her sons at their table where they gaped, open-mouthed at their mother, while she walked over to her daughter, laying a gentle but protective hand on her shoulder, glaring fiercely at the woman who sat opposite her.

"It's none of your business. I'm her mother." Marka snapped, her eyes full of defiance and also fear. Red could be very scary a lot of the time, but more so when she was angry. Her hand tightened. "I think you're quite wrong." The Russian woman replied. "Nicky's _my_ daughter. And we're going to be leaving now."

Nicky rose to her feet, looking her mother in the eye coldly. "What kind of nonsense is this?" Marka demanded. "Sorry, Marka. But you're not my mom." And without another word, Red and Nicky left the visitation room together.

* * *

"Hey Red." Morello said, sidling into the kitchen casually. "Lorna." Red said in greeting, stirring a pot of God-knows-what. "Hey uh, do you mind going to see Nicky now? She's been in her bunk, skipping work and just hugging her pillow. I think she needs you." Morello said.

"I can't help her now, Lorna. I have a lot to do to try to make the food here edible." Red sighed, stopping the circular motions of her arm for a moment.

"She needs you, Red." Morello pleaded. Red clutched the spoon for a moment. "Alright. You, take over for a while." Red handed the large spoon to Blanca, who sighed, got off the table she was sitting on, mumbled several curses under her breath in Spanish before taking the utensil, and the Russian woman strode out without another word.

"Thank you, Lorna." Red said sincerely, giving Morello's arm a grateful squeeze. Morello nodded, and pretended to wander off in a different direction.

Secretly, though, she was worried about Nicky, and felt guilty for not jumping to her defense even though she was sitting right there. Her conversation with Vincent had been rather stilted after that, with Morello fidgeting uncomfortably and bringing Nicky and Marka's fight up repeatedly, so the couple decided to call it a day. She decided to send Red instead of going herself, because Morello knew Nicky, and she knew that what Nicky needed right now was her mother.

Morello secretly trailed Red, just to make sure Nicky would be okay. Red found Nicky sitting in her bunk, hugging her pillow and rocking back and forth, her face pressed against the soft item. She wasn't crying, she wasn't angry, she just looked sad. Red didn't say anything, simply pulled her daughter into her arms.

"I'm your mother, Nicky. Not that bitch in her stupid fucking suits. You hear me?" Red said fiercely, cradling Nicky to her. Nicky didn't respond, just released her pillow and clutched her mother instead.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: this is a filler chapter , so I'm sorry if it's a little short. also I just got down to watching the season 4 trailer and pennsatucky sounds so sad and lorna is crying a lot and NICKY STILL ISN'T BACK so in summation THE TRAILER HAS FUCKED ME UP REAL BAD AND I'M NOT READY FOR THE NEXT SEASON_

 _also thank you all so much for over 1000 reads ! I honestly never thought I'd get this far , especially since this story was borne from a lot of post-season 3 sobbing and ranting. thanks for all your support and the lovely reviews and I love each and every single one of you and once again , thank you all so much ! :)_

* * *

 _"Well I'd go anywhere, anywhere, anywhere,_

 _ask me and I will be there_

 _you just ask me and I will be there."_

 _-Stevie Nicks / Sara_

* * *

chapter 11: haircut

Later that day, Nicky was lying in her bunk, one of Red's jackets tied around her neck. Morello could tell that it was Red's, as Nicky was taking extra care not to crease it. Also, it smelled distinctly like Red's perfume. Underlying it was Nicky's scent: cigarette smoke and soap. She could just barely detect it, if she got close enough. Vaguely, Morello wondered where she had gotten the cigarettes, and decided not to ask. The less she knew, the less she could blurt out in a fit of rage.

Morello felt bad, for simply sitting there while Nicky and Red walked out. She wanted to run after that, but if she did she'd have run out on her husband, which she didn't want to do. The rest of the time she and Vincent spent together was awkward, as both of them were trying their absolute best not to talk about the scene they had just witnessed.

When they finally gave in and talked about it, Morello ended up blabbing Nicky's entire history with her mother to Vincent, and had regretted it soon after. It felt wrong, somehow. Like Nicky had entrusted her with one the deepest, darkest parts of her soul, and she had spilled everything to an outsider who only knew her from Morello's words. She also felt awful for thinking of her husband as an outsider.

Morello also felt incredibly guilty, because after that Red had held Nicky in silence while she clung to her, and she hadn't done anything for her at all, despite her promise. Morello had a lot of feelings, and not a whole lot she could do about it.

"I just wanted to say I'm proud of you, for standing up to your mom. At least you've got Red." Morello said, walking into her bunk and giving her an abrupt hug. Nicky smiled humorlessly. "Thanks, kid. But honestly, Red's not my mom. Not anymore. She deserves someone better." She replied. "You're the one she wants." Morello said gently. "Me? I'm a fuck-up, kid. Who's fault was it that I went to max? My own."

"You're not a fuck-up, Nicky. Don't say that." Morello begged. Nicky didn't respond. "Remind me to remove Marka from my visitation list." She said, her voice emotionless. "Done." Morello promised. She watched Nicky lounging around on her bed, inhaling the scent of Red's perfume clinging to the jacket. Her expression was blank, her eyes hard.

An idea struck Morello, and she brightened. "How about we go fix your hair up?" She asked excitedly. Nicky looked at her blankly. "Whenever I'm sad, I like dollin' up to feel better." Morello smiled in a sultry way, twirling her hair around her finger. Her other hand wandered down to Nicky's long, tangled locks of brown hair, absently running her fingers through the curly strands.

"But Sophia's not here." Nicky pointed out. "Yes, but _I'll_ be the one fixing your hair!" Morello said enthusiastically, tugging at her arm. "Probably a bad idea, kid. Remember when you tried to give Vause a trim but ended up giving her a pixie cut?" Nicky reminded her. Morello laughed out loud.

A long time ago, back when she'd first arrived at Litchfield, she spent the majority of her days feeling down and moping around, so one day, Vause offered to let her cut her hair to cheer her up, since she loved dolling up and dolling others up. She kept trying to braid Nicky's curly hair, but Nicky said no every time. Morello and Vause had adjourned to the bathrooms, where Morello had taken a pair of scisorss loaned from Sophia with the price of a small tube of brand new moisturiser, and had accidentally chopped off half of Vause's long, silky black hair. She only managed to clear up her mess by giving Vause a pixie cut, an arrangement the black-haired girl was not happy about.

"C'mon, I promise I'll be careful." Morello pleaded, widening her eyes. Nicky sighed and gave in, following her to the bathroom. Morello slid a broken shard of mirror from behind a loose brick, and stood behind Nicky, who was only slightly taller than her. Morello had managed to obtain the shard when she accidentally smashed a mirror while wiping it and found a particularly long, sharp piece that she decided to hold on to in case of any emergencies.

"Could you kneel down instead?" Morello suggested, and Nicky obliged. She rolled up her pants and got on her knees, her forehead resting against the sink. The tiny girl set to work, carefully sawing off the choppy edges of Nicky's hair, making sure the Alex Vause Pixie Cut Fiasco would not be having a rerun.

"Why'd you cut it?" Morello asked, her fingers brushing the jagged ends of Nicky's long hair. Nicky was quiet for a moment. "It was driving me crazy in the cells there. So when we went out I snuck a rock in, and I cut my hair with it. It was a way to keep me sane, I guess. All the screaming got tiring after a while. My throat hurt like hell after a while."

Morello slashed the ends off her hair ferociously, taking care not to mis-swipe and cut Nicky instead. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that." Morello said sadly, working on a different lock of her hair.

"Don't say sorry for things you can't control, kid. Besides, like I said, it was my fault. I was stupid, and I was arrogant. It won't happen again." Nicky said, her voice so cold it sent shivers down Morello's spine. She worked on sawing off a different section of Nicky's curly hair. They remained silent till she finished evening out the ends of Nicky's hair.

She ran her fingers through the curly locks gently. "I'm done." Morello announced, and Nicky stood up, stretching. She peered into the mirror. Morello had sheared off a large amount of her hair, so the unruly locks hung down to her shoulder blades, almost like Pennsatucky's. She looked younger, and more vulnerable, without masses of untidy brown curls falling down to her waist.

"You look great!" Morello said happily, carefully replacing the shard of mirror. "You sure, kid?" Nicky said uncertainly, tugging at a lock of her short hair. The way her dark eyes were narrowed slightly in uncertainty as she turned to scrutinize her hair from different angles made her look oddly cute, in a strange way.

"Yeah." Morello smiled and hugged Nicky, who hesitantly returned her hug half-heartedly, and very, very lightly. It was almost like she was afraid to touch her.

"Are you really okay?" Morello whispered, holding Nicky closer. "Yeah. I am." Nicky answered, releasing Morello and grabbing handfuls of her own locks of brown hair on the floor.

"C'mon, we should clean this shit up." Nicky said, avoiding her gaze and picking up fistfuls of her own hair. "Yeah." Morello replied, and she didn't notice when Nicky removed the sharp piece of mirror from behind the loose brick and slipped it into her pocket.


	12. Chapter 12

chapter 12: revelation

The weather outside was surprisingly pleasant, a lovely warm day with clouds swirling in the sky and the breeze gently teasing the grass. A large amount of the inmates were outside enjoying the weather, such as Chapman, Watson, Norma, Gina, Leanne, Angie, Lolly, and Morello.

Morello breathed in the fresh air contentedly, spreading her arms and enjoying the cool sensation of the breeze brushing against her skin. She took a slow walk down the path, taking a detour from the track and passing the warehouse.

To her surprise, she heard the feminine voice of an inmate growl, some scuffling, and a high-pitched yelp. Morello's eyebrows raised. Someone getting some action, perhaps?

Being naturally curious, Morello pushed the slightly ajar door open, and peeked in. There, an inmate with short, unkempt curls wearing the standard issue beige scrubs pressed a mildly overweight figure against the wall. A shiny item glimmered in her hand.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't cut your fucking throat now, Luschek." The girl snarled softly. Morello gave a tiny gasp of surprise. She'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Wait, waitwaitwaitwait," Luschek wheezed, trying weakly to push Nicky away. She removed her thin arm from his throat slightly, allowing him to speak. However, she kept her makeshift weapon pressed against his throat.

"Look Nichols, I freaked out. What the fuck was I supposed to do? You're already in prison, and honestly, my life was already pretty fucking crap. What do either of us got to lose, huh?" Luschek laughed weakly, and whimpered abruptly as Nicky pressed the mirror into his neck, drawing a tiny trickle of blood.

"Do you know what I had to go through down there? It made this shithole look like fucking high school. You should've been down there, rotting away in those cells with me." Nicky growled, gripping the mirror shard tighter, blood running down her own hand, staining his shirt.

"Get your hands off me, Nichols. We both fucked up, huh? Only you were stupid enough to get caught." Luschek said, and Nicky raised her arm. Her eyes were dark, emotionless, empty, and Morello knew Nicky was about to slit his throat.

"Nicky, no!" She screamed, shoving the door open. Both Luschek's and Nicky's eyes widened. The sun reflected off the shard of mirror, the tiny fragment shimmering and sending a ray of light into Morello's eyes, blinding her momentarily. Nicky dropped the piece of glass, and it shattered.

Luschek saw this as his chance to escape, and he bolted for the door. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't shift his bulk past Morello's tiny figure, which blocked up the small entrance. Nicky picked up a long shard of broken mirror, grabbing Luschek by the collar and pressing it into the soft flesh of his throat. She slammed him into the wall of the shed with surprising force.

"You better not tell anyone else about this. Or when I go to max again for this, and I come back, I will _kill you_. I swear to God, I will fucking _kill you_." Nicky hissed, shoving the sharp object further into his throat. A new wound formed, a bead of blood falling from it. Luschek gulped, nodded, and Nicky released him. The guard stumbled out, rubbing at the scarlet trail on his neck.

Blood was gently dripping from Nicky's palm where the shard had cut into it, though she didn't notice, and continued to clench the sharp piece of mirror.

"Let go of it!" Morello cried, yanking it out of Nicky's hand and cutting her finger. Wincing, she threw it onto the pile of broken glass. Morello began stomping on it, reducing the shards to a fine powder to get rid of the evidence, and kicked away the dust. When she looked back, Nicky was gone.

* * *

Morello had gotten a plaster for the cut on her finger. It wasn't very deep, but it hurt like hell, and was fairly big too. She found a note on her bunk, asking her to go to the library. The note was penned in Nicky's untidy script, with her signature on the bottom right corner. Morello stuffed it into her pocket and walked to the library as fast as she could.

"Hey, kid." Nicky was waiting for her, while she rearranged a shelf of books. "Nicky." Morello greeted, smiling a little uncertainly.

"I just want to say thank you, for stopping me earlier today. Before I did something I would've regretted." Nicky said, running her fingers through her short curls. "He wasn't worth it, Nicky." Morello answered softly. Hesitantly, Nicky extended her fingers towards Morello's hand.

Morello took her hand gently, wincing when pressure was applied against her cut. "Did I do that?" Nicky asked. Morello shook her head, but Nicky saw the truth in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, kid." Nicky said, lightly stroking the bandaged section of her palm. "It's alright." Morello smiled, allowing Nicky to continue, despite the mild pain that shot through the wound every time Nicky touched it.

"What really happened with Luschek, though?" Morello asked. Nicky dropped her hand, turning away and grabbing a book at random. "You know what happened. I had drugs, Luschek found them, I went to max."

"The real story, Nicky." Morello said gently, touching her shoulder lightly. Nicky's shoulders sagged. She sighed and rested her head against the shelf, looking utterly full of despair.

"Boo and I found Vee's stash. We were going to sell it, but I stole the drugs. Then I gave them to Luschek to sell. The stupid motherfucker left the drugs in his toolbox, and when Caputo found them he pinned it all on me." Nicky said helplessly, her fingers clenching her beige shirt, wincing as pain shot through her injured palm.

"Nicky, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" Morello asked, her eyes wide. "Why would I? Everyone was right, I _am_ a fuck-up." Nicky said bitterly, turning to a different rack.

"You're _not_." Morello said warmly, wrapping her arms around Nicky's stomach and burying her face into her back. "It's not fair that you had to go through all that." She said softly.

"But it _was_ my fault. I was stupid." Nicky said angrily, her fists clenched. "I know you're still not alright, and I don't know the extent of what happened." Morello began gently.

"But I'm here with you now, and I'll be with you every step of the way. I promise." Morello said, almost lovingly, closing her eyes.

Nicky tilted her head downward, her short brown curls falling into her eyes. She said nothing, simply stood there while Morello hugged her, and finally, she raised her hand, and laced her fingers together.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: just a little something I forgot to mention in the last chapter: in case of any confusion , I used to be swampqueens but now I'm ladyglorificus (in honor of glory from btvs , who I actually really liked despite all the stuff she did). and to the person who said "please tell me she's not gonna cut herself": no , she isn't going to cut herself. this isn't that kind of story. if there was , I'd put a trigger warning in the summary. thank you , and happy reading ! xx_

* * *

 _"Every night you cry yourself to sleep_

 _thinking "why does this happen to me_

 _why does every moment have to be so hard?"_

 _Hard to believe that_

 _it's not over tonight,_

 _just give me one more chance to make it right."_

 _-Maroon 5 / Won't Go Home Without You_

* * *

chapter 13: nightmare

"Good to know you're making progress with Nicky." Vause said, brushing her teeth and squinting into the tiny mirror. "Yeah. Thanks." Morello said, bouncing on the toes of her feet in an attempt for her full face to be visible in the mirror. They'd fixed the mirror a while ago, and in the process whoever had fixed it had put it up higher. Morello felt like a kid. Vause laughed, watching the tiny girl desperately try and fail to be seen in the mirror.

"Do you need a lift?" She asked, spitting a mouthful of toothpaste out. Morello glared at Vause. She laughed again. "It's not my fault you're a fucking giraffe." Morello mumbled, mentally cursing herself for being approximately five feet tall. "And it's not my fault you're a fucking gremlin." Vause laughed, standing proud and tall at 5"10. Morello shook her head, giving up, and just brushed her teeth as quickly as she could.

She was exhausted from a full day of work. Usually she didn't have much to do because her some of her partners helped her out as they all had a soft spot for her (she'd found out that she'd perfected the technique of puppy eyes, and being five feet tall and sounding like a child actually had a few benefits every once in a while), but unfortunately one of them was in the SHU, so Morello had double the amount of toilets to scrub.

She yawned and walked back to her bunk with Vause. "It's nice being neighbours now." Morello grinned up at Vause. "Yeah." Vause laughed, looking down at Morello, whose head barely brushed her shoulder.

"Well, goodnight, Vause. Goodnight, Nicky." Morello called, peering around Vause's tall figure to speak to Nicky. She looked up from her book. "Night." Nicky replied, burying her nose in the book again.

"No cheery 'goodnight Lorna', followed by a kiss and a boob-grab?" Vause asked, setting her glasses on top of her stack of books. Nicky gave her a crooked half-smile. " _Please_." She said sarcastically, her tone light, shaking her head slightly. Vause sighed. "Damn. You two were really fucking cute together." The black-haired girl said, climbing into bed.

"Night, Nichols." She called, turning onto her side. "Night." Nicky bookmarked her page, put aside her book, and slid underneath her covers, pulling the thin layer of fabric over her thin body.

* * *

Morello had always been a light sleeper, a very inconvenient trait, as she lived in an extremely large, and also extremely _loud_ family, none of whom found the amount or quality of Morello's sleep particularly important. Sometimes she'd wake up at 3 am in the morning due to her mother yelling at her brother for God-knows-what reason, and whenever she yelled at them to shut the fuck up, her sister would wake up too, and join in the chorus of her mother and brother yelling back at _her_ to shut up.

So naturally, she didn't sleep well in prison either, what with snores all around and the tapping of the guards' shoes against the floor. After a year or so, she'd gotten used to it, and was a heavier sleeper now.

However, some things never actually will change, and Morello still was a rather light sleeper, so when the whimpers and the heavy breathing began, she was awakened instantly.

Morello blinked sleepily, wondering if she was dreaming. The sounds of loud, rapid breathing and the word "no" murmured repeatedly in fear led her to believe that one of the inmates was having a nightmare. She inched closer towards the source of the sound. She almost didn't recognise that voice.

Morello crept into Vause's bunk, as the source of the sound was located in her there. Vause was fast asleep, her long, slender body curled up beneath the covers, her silky black hair fanned across the pillow. Nicky, on the other hand, was tossing and turning, muttering incomprehensible words to herself. Sweat rolled down her face in beads, her face twisted in distress. "No, please, no." She muttered, rolling onto her side, her fingers clenching her pillow.

"Nicky!" Morello shook her awake as softly as she could, whisper-shouting her name repeatedly. Nicky whimpered and shook for a while longer before her eyes flew open, and she sat up, gasping and nearly hitting Morello. "Fuck." She whispered softly. Nicky turned to sit with her back against the wall, tears flowing down her cheeks. She brushed them away roughly, clearly angry at being caught in this state.

"Hey, Nicky." Morello whispered, climbing in to sit next to her. "Hey, kid." Nicky replied, her voice surprisingly steady, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose angrily. "Bad dream?" She asked, crossing her legs.

Nicky laughed humorlessly. "More like some sort of fucking nostalgia." She said, flicking the used tissue away. "What was it about?" Morello asked. "I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna go back to bed." Nicky said, pushing away her short curls from her tearstained face.

"Well when I had bad dreams you used to hold me, and I'd tell you what it was and I'd feel better." Morello reminisced, her tone casual. "Yeah. I remember once you dreamed Christopher left you for your sister and you ran crying to me." Nicky replied, and the two of them laughed.

"But really, what I mean is that wouldn't you feel better if you tell me about it?" Morello pressed, leaning closer to Nicky, who had successfully stopped herself from crying. "Would it?" Nicky muttered. "You need to let out your pain, Nicky. You can't keep it all in. It's just going to hurt you." Morello said, stopping herself before she added _and me_ to the end of her sentence.

"I dreamed I was back in solitary. In max. With the horrible fucking smell in the cell and the lights off and my thoughts driving me fucking insane and being unable to do anything but scream almost every fucking day and those. Damn. Voices, and picking up this small piece of metal broken from the cheap cutlery they gave us and using it to scratch at my own arms so I wouldn't hear those voices in my head. There, happy?" Nicky asked.

Morello stayed silent for a moment. She resisted the urge to gently run her fingers over Nicky's scars, to kiss them better even though she knew the wounds had already faded.

"Come here." She said, opening her arms and coaxing Nicky into laying her head on her chest. Morello extended one arm around Nicky's body, her other hand going to stroke her curls for a while.

"Would you mind staying for a bit?" Nicky asked, her voice so soft that Morello barely heard her. "I'll stay for as long as you want." Morello answered gently, lacing her fingers with Nicky's and squeezing softly.

"I'm scared." Nicky whispered, so softly Morello barely caught it. Luckily, she was used to hearing Nicky whisper things she'd never say normally. Usually, Nicky would whisper little vulnerable secrets to her after they fucked, and she thought Morello was asleep or not listening. Morello always heard her, she simply pretended she didn't. Not this time.

"Of what?" Morello asked gently, her hand warm and reassuring in hers. "I don't ever want to go back to max. I don't think I've even fully left yet. I wake up every night shaking and this close to screaming, but I just pretend it's all okay because I have to." Nicky confessed softly. Morello rested her head on Nicky's shoulder, her other arm curling around Nicky's back.

"I'm so scared, kid. I don't ever want to go back there again. Hell, I don't think I'll ever fully recover from that." Nicky said, her voice breaking. "Why won't you tell me these things? I want to help you." Morello whispered.

"Why? What's the point?" Nicky asked brokenly, tears rolling down her cheeks again. "It's not like I'm going to get better." She added. "This isn't the kind of thing that you'll ever recover from. I won't get better, and you know it too." Nicky said.

"You will get better, Nicky. I'll help you. I'm with you now. Just forget about that place. You got me now, and I'm not going to leave you. I care about you, so much." Morello answered, softly but firmly, her other arm going around Nicky's body as well.

"Everything will be okay. I love you." Morello whispered against Nicky's skin. Nicky tensed. "Do you?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper. Morello didn't have an answer for that. She simply kept her arms wrapped as tightly around Nicky as she could, as though she could hold her till her fears went away.

"We should go to bed." Morello whispered. "Together? Is that alright for you?" Nicky asked, somewhat bitterly. "Yes, it is." Morello said in surprise, releasing Nicky and climbing underneath the sheets.

Nicky followed suit, and to Morello's surprise, she wrapped an arm around the tiny inmate, holding her tentatively. "Aren't I supposed to hold you, since you're the one with bad dreams?" She asked.

"Go to sleep, kid." Nicky mumbled. Morello moved backwards a little, wedging her body against Nicky's, her tiny frame fitting perfectly against Nicky's. Nicky's grip on her was light, as though she was afraid to touch her.

"Oh, for God's sake." Morello pulled Nicky's arm around her, securing herself to her companion. Nicky was surprised at the close proximity of their bodies, and at just how well their bodies really fit together.

"Goodnight, Nicky." Morello murmured, her eyes slowly shutting. "Night, kid." Nicky whispered against the back of her hair. She snuggled her face against Morello's soft dark locks, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, her arm tightening around her. Morello herself breathed in the smell of cheap, low-quality soap and cigarette smoke that had become familiar and comforting to her.

The last thing Morello remembered was the feeling of Nicky's arms wrapped around her tightly, enveloping her in their warmth, the way it seemed like her body was made to fit against Nicky's.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: filler chapter , so this one's a little short. mostly just wanted to do a platonic nicky / alex thing because I love their friendship (I love platonic nicky / pretty much anyone , but nicky / alex in particular). yeah. carry on._

* * *

 _"Don't point the blame when you can't find nothing  
Look to yourself and you might find something  
It's time that we sorted out  
All of the things we complained about"_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Scene Two - Roger Rabbit_

* * *

chapter 14: picture

Nicky awoke the next morning, her short curls falling all over her face. Her bunk felt particularly warm, and there seemed to be less space than usual. She blinked slowly as the smell of soap invaded her senses. Her vision was completely dark. She pushed away the curls tickling her face, and blinked. Still dark. Odd.

She blinked again. Oh, so the darkness wasn't her closed eyes or sudden blindness or death or anything. Good to know. Nicky's face was pressed against a head of dark brown hair, which meant that there was someone sleeping next to her in her bunk. Her arm was wrapped around a tiny figure, who was snuggled up to her comfortably. The memories of the previous night finally returned to her, and Nicky's eyelids flew open.

"Lorna?" Nicky said, her voice low and husky from sleep. "Nicky?" Morello replied sleepily, turning over to face Nicky. Their faces were barely an inch apart; if Nicky leaned in slightly, she could press her lips against Morello's forehead.

"What're you doing here?" Vause's low voice cut through their morning stupor. The two of them turned over to face the taller girl, who blindly fumbled for her glasses, putting them on. Despite the sleep clouding her eyes, she raised her eyebrows, and the corners of her mouth quirked upward in a tiny smirk.

"It's not what it looks like." Nicky said, sitting up slowly, stifling a yawn. Vause laughed sleepily. "Nicky Nichols, _not_ admitting to sleeping with someone?" She accompanied the last bit with a waggle of her eyebrows, clearly enjoying herself, as she got up and stretched.

"We slept, that's all." Morello murmured, yawning and pushing her messy hair out of her face. She looked adorable, almost childlike; with her dark hair tumbling all over her face, her eyes still opening and closing blearily. Without her trademark ruby red lipstick, her instant coffee eyeshadow, and her carefully curled hair framing her face, she almost looked like a different person. She looked younger and vulnerable, though just as beautiful, only in a different way.

CO Bell's voice blared from the speaker, awakening the other inmates instantly. Morello tumbled out of Nicky's bed, and quickly dashed back into her own bunk, pretending she'd just woken up. She yawned a huge, fake yawn and greeted her fellow inmates with a cheerful wave and a "good morning!", while the rest groaned, clearly still stuck in their morning stupor. Morello grabbed a few toiletries and went down to the bathrooms.

"Not bad, Nichols." Vause grinned, nudging Nicky with her elbow. Nicky forced a laugh. "I had a bad dream. She offered to stay with me. That's it." She stated. Her curls fell into her eyes, and Nicky pushed them away absently. "You know, she was really cut up when you left." Vause said gently. Nicky raised an eyebrow, grabbing her messily folded white sweater and beige scrubs. "I'm serious." Vause said, grabbing her grey jacket from the hook on the wall.

"She stopped wearing makeup for a long time, and she cried for an entire _week_ after you left." Vause pressed, watching Nicky intently. "I didn't leave, I got taken to max." She said, her voice flat. Her friend tried again. "You know how she loves dolling up, but her hair was a _mess_ for so long. She stopped doing makeup. _She_ was a mess. She cried about you every day, you know. Everyone missed you, but she missed you the most." Vause said softly.

"You're saying it like I went on vacation on something. In case you forgot, I was down at the lovely institution of Maximum Security." Nicky replied tonelessly. Vause rolled her eyes and sighed. "Come on, Nicky. She cares about you, a lot. Why do you keep pushing her away?" Vause asked. Nicky turned to face her. "I'm not pushing her away." She said.

"Yep, that's right, you're not. You let her in, then you shove her out when she gets too close. Would it kill you to let someone care about you?" Vause snapped, walking over to her friend, their faces almost touching.

"It wouldn't kill me. But it can be quite the mess for whoever does." Nicky said, her gaze cold. At that point, Vause had reached her limit. She exploded. "Let us at least _try_ , then! So many of us care about you, you know, especially her. And enough with this 'no one should care for me' shit." Vause shouted.

"Well what do you want me to fucking do? You yourself said it, everyone was a mess after I left. I don't want to hurt any of these people. I love you, and I love Red, and I love the entire fucking family. And I don't want them to care, only to get disappointed again." Nicky retaliated, her voice growing louder and louder. The two of them were vaguely aware of all the other inmates staring at them, and with a tremendous effort, Vause and Nicky stopped glaring at each other, and started making their beds instead.

"You know, you paint a real pretty picture, of her crying over me going and everything, but when it comes down to what _really_ happened between us, the picture just isn't all that pretty anymore." Nicky said softly, gathering her things and going, leaving Vause to fume alone in her bunk.

She snarled in frustration, hurling her pillow to the floor as anger coursed through her. Nicky walked on without looking back, a sad little smile on her lips as yet another person continued to prove her right.


	15. Chapter 15

_"Scratch my memory from your heart_

 _I'll scratch her fucking eyes out."_

 _-Carina Round / Do You_

* * *

chapter 15: jealousy

Nothing significant happened for quite a while. Inmates came and went, the food tasted like garbage, shots were given out at every corner, the usual. No one had heard anything about Stella at all. Nicky's friendship with Vause seemed to be a little strained.

However, Nicky herself seemed to be okay, laughing and joking and even sleeping around too, though she was unable to kick the habit of perpetual movement. Her fingers were always drumming on the nearest available surface, or her feet tapping against the floor.

Morello would've believed she really was okay had it not been for the sadness she carried in her eyes, and for the vulnerability she'd displayed the other night.

Behind the dark surface of her eyes lay a hurricane of emotions that Morello couldn't even try to fathom. Still, it was better than her previous hollow, broken state, she supposed. Every night, Morello lay awake in bed, drowning in concern for Nicky. Was she having a bad dream? Was she sleeping fine? She didn't know, and it frustrated her.

Still, some nights she'd crawl in with Nicky when she heard the sharp gasps that implied she was having a nightmare, and offer to hold her. Instead, Nicky would always choose to wrap her arms around the smaller inmate, clutching her as though she could anchor her to reality, away from the demons that tormented her in her sleep.

Morello would whisper words of reassurance to Nicky till she fell asleep, and till the Italian-American girl drifted off too, with Nicky's warmth enveloping her, making her feel safe.

* * *

Morello pulled on her rubber gloves, grabbed her mop and bucket, and set to work cleaning the toilets. She pulled a face as she scrubbed the disgusting toilet floor. She heard muffled moans coming from a stall with the door closed. Out of curiosity, Morello tiptoed closer, her slippers making no sound against the floor.

"Shut up, will you? Someone might catch us." Nicky's voice hissed. Morello peeked in from the crack between the door and the wall partitions. A girl with blonde hair sat on Nicky's lap, her back turned to Morello. Nicky's hand was clamped on the girl's mouth, her expression annoyed. Her other hand was located between the girl's legs. Morello didn't need to see this.

She padded away quietly, grabbed her mop, and began scrubbing again, humming to herself to drown out the sound. An uncomfortable burning feeling had lodged itself in her stomach upon stumbling upon that scene, but she dismissed it as nauseousness. It wasn't the first time she'd wanted to throw up while cleaning, and it definitely wouldn't be the last.

The muffled sounds coming from the stall grew louder, then stopped abruptly. A short while later, Nicky and the inmate emerged, both of their faces flushed, and their hair plastered to their scalp by sweat. The unknown inmate was tall and thin, with short blonde hair and grey eyes, wearing an orange jumpsuit.

"Hey, kid." Nicky said, washing her hands and face. "Oh, hey Nicky. Didn't hear you there." Morello grinned faux nonchalantly. Nicky raised an eyebrow. The other inmate didn't notice, simply blushed as Nicky put an arm around her.

"Oh, this is Andrews." Nicky said carelessly, the corner of her mouth slightly quirked up in her trademark half-smile. _What a stupid fucking name_ , Morello thought, before internally reprimanding herself. "Hello. I'm Morello." She replied with a bright smile, ignoring the sudden urge to claw the nervous girl's eyes out.

"Don't you have work now, Nicky?" Morello asked, her fingers curling around her mop. "Yeah, I do. See you later, kid." Nicky tossed a crooked grin at her and walked out, the blonde girl on her heels.

Morello allowed herself a moment to wonder where the sudden wave of anger and hatred came from, before continuing to clean the floors, all by herself, ignoring her inexplicable urge to rip the girl's blonde hair out strand by fucking strand.

* * *

"It's so good to see you, baby." Morello murmured against Vincent's chest, hugging him tightly. "I missed you too." He said, squeezing her tiny frame in his arms. Morello held on tight, unwilling to let go.

"Let go, Morello!" Officer Bell snapped from her desk, rolling her eyes. Morello sighed, and released her husband reluctantly. They slid into their seats.

"Is something wrong?" Vincent asked. "Nope! No, no, nothing's wrong!" Morello said cheerily, forcing a grin onto her face. She felt rather guilty, as she hadn't thought of him in a while.

The burning feeling still hadn't left her system, and Morello wondered if it was something she ate. It seemed unlikely, however, as she'd skipped breakfast that morning upon seeing the state of the oatmeal Red was serving. It uncomfortably reminded her of a mixture of wallpaper glue and cement.

She had an enjoyable afternoon chatting with her husband, laughing at his jokes and holding his hand (seeing as how they hadn't done their usual shameless making out upon seeing each other, perhaps the COs decided to just turn a blind eye to their hand-holding), yet Morello couldn't rid herself of that burning feeling that had wedged itself in her stomach. Not like _hot_ burning, but more like a sort of cold burn that was foreign to her. All afternoon, as she spent time with her husband, the thought of Nicky and that other girl was lodged at the back of her mind.

She could tell he knew something was up with her too, but Vincent didn't press the issue, simply listened to her unenthusiastically ramble on and on about prison gossip and he updated her on the outside world. She felt guilty for not appreciating her time with her husband, but her heart simply wasn't in their conversation. At least he hadn't pressed the issue.

Morello stifled a sigh, and began complaining about the food being served, in an effort to drown out her thoughts.

* * *

Morello left visitation without the usual cheery grin on her face, the burning feeling intensifying in her gut. The Italian-American girl wandered around the halls, unwilling to go back to her job. She headed over to the library, to see the person whose company she wanted yet she didn't.

"Hey Nicky." Morello greeted her friend, her gut twisting. Nicky's eyes were focused on the book in her hands, her curls tucked behind her ears. "Hey." Nicky replied, looking up from her book, her legs propped up on a table. "Back from seeing your husband?" She continued, her tone light and casual.

"Yes." Morello replied, taking a seat next to her. "Mm. What's his name?" Nicky asked, flipping to another page. "Vincent Muccio." Morello replied, the feel of his name on her lips oddly not bringing her any pleasure. "Vincent Muccio." Nicky drew out the name on her own lips, her tone casual, her eyes dark. The name sounded odd coming from Nicky.

"What's he like?" Nicky asked nonchalantly, with an undertone in her voice that Morello didn't quite understand. "Vince? Oh, he's sweet, really sweet, and nice too, and kind, and he does so much for me. He even brought his friends to beat up Christopher!" Morello said, though oddly talking about her husband didn't bring her as much joy as it used to.

"I would've fucking done that." Nicky whispered harshly, almost too softly for Morello to catch. "What?" Morello asked, frowning. "Nothing." Nicky replied quickly, returning her full attention to her book. The burning sensation grew even warmer.

"So how's Andrews?" The question burst from Morello's lips before she thought it through. She always did make a lot of impulsive decisions. Like marrying Vincent. _No, no, stop it, Lorna._ She chided herself internally. _Don't think of your husband like that! He's more than just an impulsive choice._ She ignored the other voice in her head that whispered _oh, really?_

"She's okay. Fuckin' _loud_ , though. Said she had fun, but doesn't want a 'commitment'. Looks like I'm wife-less again." Nicky scoffed, laughing harshly. She seemed to be directing that comment to Morello, who tensed. "Well, great. I hope you two have fun, though it's none of my business, what you get up to." Morello forced a laugh, getting up. Nicky's eyes flicked to hers for a moment.

"Leaving already?" She asked. "You're busy, after all. You can always ask some other girl to accompany you if you get bored." Morello said, walking out of the library, with Nicky watching her leave. Her insides burned with a strange sort of anger towards Nicky, and towards that motherfucking blonde inmate who was with Nicky.

It was only when she'd returned to cleaning her toilet, and scrubbed the stall where Nicky had been fucking the other inmate, when she finally identified the burning feeling. Jealousy.


	16. Chapter 16

_"How deep do you wanna go?_

 _Don't you know that some things_

 _Are better left alone?"_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Left Alone_

* * *

chapter 16: scars

Morello sighed loudly with relief as the cold water hit her bare skin, washing off all the grime of the day. She'd had a long day of scrubbing the entire cafeteria, followed by wiping down all the tables several times, and was thoroughly exhausted and just wanted to take a nice cold shower. Initially, Morello had hated the freezing water, but a couple months or so later, she'd gotten used to it. That didn't mean she liked it, though. But at least today the water was lukewarm instead of mind-numbingly cold.

"Ew, what the _fuck_?!" Vause yelled from the other end of the bathroom. There was the sound of more swearing, then stumbling. Other inmates poured out of the stalls, some stark naked and some barely covering their body with a hastily-thrown on towel, to see what was the matter.

A large glob of green fungus was on the floor of the stall Vause was standing in. Apparently, judging from the space the fungus was occupying and Vause's yelling, it had come from the shower head. Some of the slimy green substance had gotten on her hair, and the black-haired girl was screaming and cursing while Chapman desperately tried to help her rinse it off in the sink, all while keeping her body covered.

"What's going on in here, ladies?" Officer Bell asked, strutting in casually. A few of the naked inmates shrieked and hopped back into their stalls, while the others stood there and watched her defiantly. She raised an eyebrow as her gaze swept the inmates' bare bodies.

"The fuck are you doin' in here?" Nicky called from a stall. "No sass, Nichols, or I'll write you a shot." CO Bell called back in her general direction. There was the sound of some muffled cursing coming from Nicky's stall.

"Vause. What's with all the noise?" CO Bell asked. Chapman was trying to wash the fungus out of Vause's black hair without touching it or letting the towel drop, an exceedingly difficult feat she failed at performing. Chapman gestured helplessly towards the stall, and the correctional officer pulled a face at the green substance.

"Jesus. Alright, anyone from cleaning crew here?" She demanded. It was silent. No one moved. Officer Bell sighed. "Cleaning crew, get a volunteer out here before I send all of you to the SHU." She said. Angry murmurs swept over the inmates at this blatant abuse of power, but nobody challenged the correctional officer staring at them with a steely glint in her eye.

Morello sighed, wrapped a towel around her tiny body, and scampered out hastily, raising her hand shyly. CO Bell sighed. "About time. Clean this shit up. The rest of you, go join the Spanish. Or the blacks. I don't really care, just get yourselves cleaned up and go." She said, marching out of the bathroom.

The girls muttered to each other as they gathered their things and walked out, each with a towel secured around their body. Vaguely, Morello wondered if Caputo would have a stroke if he saw so many towel-clad inmates walking through the halls together, their hair dripping wet, the lights glinting off the water on their skin.

Morello sighed miserably, quickly finished her shower, put on her beige scrubs, and got back to work. She grabbed a mop from the corner, and began hesitantly attacking the fungus. "God, this is disgusting." The tiny girl murmured, poking at it with her mop.

"Hey, kid." Nicky said, emerging from a stall with a towel covering her body. "Oh hey, Nicky." Morello replied, surprised that she was still there. "Need some help?" Nicky offered, changing into a white sweater and her grey jacket and setting her towel down. Morello looked at her in surprise. "You...want to help me? Scrub the toilets?" She asked, forgetting about her work for a moment.

Nicky shrugged. "I got nothing else better to do." She said, squeezing toothpaste onto her toothbrush and brushing her teeth. "Oh, uh, thank you, Nicky." Morello said, smiling sincerely. She knew that was her way of showing that she cared.

"No problem, kid." Nicky spat out her mouthful of toothpaste, rinsed her mouth, and put her toiletries back into her bag. She grabbed the other mop and went to help Morello. "Besides, it's thanks to you that Bell didn't go on a rampage and toss everyone into seg." She added.

Nicky pulled a face at the green fungus. "That looks almost like the vegetable stew they serve down in the cafeteria." Nicky noted. Morello giggled.

"Don't let Red hear you say that." She said, pushing Nicky playfully. "Red's not gonna hear me. It's just the two of us." Nicky replied with a crooked grin. "Now c'mon." She said, soldiering forward bravely, taking a large, courageous step towards the green fiend. Morello called a warning to her quickly. "Nicky, wait, be caref-"

Too late. Nicky slipped on the wet floor and fell flat on her back with a yell of surprise and pain. "Oh, fucking hell." She groaned, rubbing the back of her head.

Morello was caught between laughing and worrying. "You okay?" She asked, stifling her giggles and offering an arm to Nicky. The curly-haired girl accepted her help. Morello pulled Nicky up by her wrist, with her getting to her feet gingerly.

"I'm _fine_." She groaned, pushing the sleeves of her jacket up, revealing tons of pale, faded slashes marring her skin. "There's so many of them." Morello murmured, transfixed momentarily. Her gaze shifted to Nicky's wrists, and she yanked her arms out of Morello's grip.

"Yeah, they're scars. Knock yourself out." Nicky said sarcastically. Morello rolled her eyes. "No need to be snarky." Morello responded, taking her mop and attacking the evil fungus again. Nicky didn't reply, just mopped up the fungus with Morello and put the mops away. "This is disgusting." She stated, washing her hands. Morello nodded her agreement.

"You're the only one who's seen these, you know." Nicky said softly. "Hm?" Morello responded brilliantly. "I mean,

"Hey, I know you had a really bad time down at max, so why don't you tell Caputo about it?" Morello asked. Nicky's brow furrowed. "About what?" She asked, her voice tightening, her eyes darkening the way they always did whenever someone brought max up.

"The truth. About Luschek." Morello said, cleaning her own hands. "What's the point?" Nicky asked. "I'm back here already."

"Yes, but, doesn't he deserve it? I mean, it _is_ his fault that you got sent down to max." Morello pressed. "Forget it, okay kid? Max is fucking horrible, and I wouldn't wish that on him. I wouldn't wish that on anyone." Nicky snapped angrily. Morello was stung for a moment.

"But he's the one who did this to you. If anyone deserves it, he does." She said, her voice uncharacteristically hard. "No. Just let it be, Morello. Some things are better left in the past. I just want to move on, but all you do is bring it up." Nicky snapped. Morello decided to concede, for now.

"Alright, alright, I'll drop it. And it's been a while since you called me 'Morello'." She said conversationally, wiping her hands and pulling off her shirt. "Would you prefer 'Muccio'?" Nicky said coldly, turning away as Morello put on her 'sleepy-time clothes', as she called her white sweater and grey pants she reserved for going to sleep. Her pyjamas, basically. Morello blinked for a moment, the comment hurting her more than she thought it would've.

"Morello's fine. Or 'Lorna'. Or 'kid'." Morello grinned, nudging Nicky with her elbow. If she left Nicky like this, she'd probably be in one of her moods for days, and nobody wanted that. Nicky almost smiled upon hearing Morello acknowledge her nickname for her. Morello could feel her relax.

"But really. It's not fair, Nicky. You should at least talk to Red about it. She deserves to know.." She pointed out, slipping her arm through Nicky's. Nicky sighed, and Morello knew she'd given in at the mention of Red.

"I'll talk to Red. That's it." Nicky said, walking out of the bathroom. "It's a start." Morello said warmly, resting her head on Nicky's shoulder as they walked back to their bunks.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: hello. it's me. and I sincerely apologise for not updating yesterday , because I have been horribly sick and spent the majority of my day sleeping , throwing up , and listening to sws. however , since I feel a little better today I thought I might try and write a little. enjoy , and thank you for reading ! xx_

* * *

 _I'm ready to burn down all the walls that I've been building up inside_  
 _I wanna fly and put back all the pieces of this broken heart tonight_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Fly_

* * *

chapter 17: decision

"I know you're upset, Nicky." Red said gently, patting her daughter's back as her fingernails tore at the bedsheets angrily. The old Russian woman was afraid she'd tear her sheets, as her fingernails were long and her grip was tight, but now wasn't the right time to tell her that.

"I'm not upset, Red. I just want to put all this shit behind me, and she insists on bringing it up every fucking day." Nicky snapped, releasing the sheets to pull at her curls instead. Red gently tugged Nicky's hands back down to her lap.

"She does have a point. The motherfucker deserves it." Red said, shrugging. "No one deserves that, Red. Nobody should have to suffer through that." Nicky said, the memories of max flashing painfully in her eyes. Her fingers twitched.

"You also told me nobody should have to have you as a daughter. But I'm always going to be your mother, whether you like it or not." Red said fiercely, squeezing Nicky's hand. Nicky exhaled loudly.

"Red, I love you. You know I love you. And I really don't think anyone should ever have to have me as a daughter. But I know you're stubborn, and once you've made up your mind there's no changing it. So I'll try harder now, to be the daughter you should have. This is different, and you know it." Nicky said gently, resting her head on Red's shoulder.

"You just said you knew I'm stubborn. So you know I still believe you should tell Caputo about Luschek." Red answered, putting her arm around Nicky's shoulders, the ends of her brown curls tickling her arm.

"And you know I won't." Nicky replied. "I believe you should, but it's up to you, Nicky." Red said gently, and they dropped the subject for now.

* * *

"Had fun with Red?" Morello asked as Nicky walked into the toilet she was scrubbing, the distinct smell of Red's strongly scented perfume clinging to her skin. It was nice to see Nicky, as she hadn't seen her all morning. "Mm." Nicky grunted in response, yawning and splashing cold water on her face.

"Didn't get much sleep?" Morello asked absently, wiping a mirror with a damp cloth. "Nope." Nicky yawned again. "What happened? Got some action?" Morello forced a light laugh, moving on to a different mirror. The thought of Nicky touching anyone brought her a strange wave of anger and hatred, and she pushed it aside instantly whenever it arose.

"No. Just another bad dream." Nicky said, rubbing her eyes. "What happened?" Morello asked, turning her gaze to Nicky, walking to her side. She was surprised, as she hadn't heard Nicky whimpering or breathing rapidly at night. "The first time I got beat up by the others in max. Quite a frequent visitor." Nicky shrugged seemingly nonchalantly.

Morello watched her concernedly. She knew Nicky, and recognized every single sign of her internal distress. Such as the way her crooked smile appeared forced, the way the emotions instantly melted out of her eyes, the way her fingernails dug into her palm so hard, it was like she was trying to draw blood.

"Hey. Why didn't you wake me up?" Morello asked, placing a reassuring hand on Nicky's back. She cursed herself mentally for not hearing Nicky's distress and waking up.

"I learned how to muffle the noises in my pillow when I had nightmares." Nicky replied. Morello was struck by the dark circles underneath her eyes. How many nights had Nicky spent awake by herself, sobbing into her pillow, while Morello, who had promised to be there for her, slept soundly?

"You should've told me!" Morello said angrily. "I didn't wanna wake you, kid. You look cute while you sleep." Nicky said, walking out of the bathroom, Morello on her heels. "Thank you." She said, turning red, the compliment catching her off-guard. She realised Nicky was just trying to distract her, and shook her head.

"But that's besides the point! The point is that you should wake me up when you're having a bad dream. I _want_ you to wake me up!" Morello said, struggling to keep up with Nicky's long strides. "Wait up!" She called as she jogged after Nicky.

"You know what I think? You should tell Caputo about Luschek, to try to bring yourself some peace." Morello panted, grabbing Nicky's arm as the taller girl speed-walked as fast as she could away from her. Nicky stopped abruptly, whirling around, grabbing Morello's shoulders, and pinning her to the wall angrily.

"Look, kid. Listen to me." Nicky said, their faces an inch apart. Morello could feel Nicky's soft curls tickling her forehead. "Listen very carefully." She continued.

"I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to talk about it at all. No one should ever have to go to max, no matter what they did. And what happened, happened. It's over, okay kid?" Nicky said very, very softly, her voice dangerous. If Morello wanted to, she could lean in slightly, and press her lips against Nicky's. But of course she didn't want to. Did she?

"Nicky, please." Morello said, her hands unconsciously going to the side of Nicky's face. It was like she'd lost control of her own body.

"I worry about you." She whispered. Nicky looked as though she wanted to speak, but couldn't. She leaned forward marginally, seemingly almost against her will, and it was all over.

Morello moved a little closer towards her, and her mouth was on Nicky's for just one blissful second, before Nicky abruptly pulled away, and fled from the scene, leaving Morello behind, her chest rising and falling rapidly, watching her with a storm of emotions raging inside her.

* * *

"Nicky." Morello said, sidling up to her during lunch. "Yeah, kid?" Nicky asked cheerily. Morello's eyebrows raised. Whatever the reaction, she wasn't expecting absent cheerfulness.

"About just now-" Morello began, but Nicky waved her hand dismissively. "It was just emotions running high, and I was standing real close. Could happen to anyone." She said, tossing a crooked grin at her. Morello grinned back. Nicky's half-smiles always seemed to make her smile too.

"Besides, you're married. Gotta stay true to your husband." Nicky turned away, and Morello couldn't find any of her familiar signs of unhappiness from that angle without seeming suspicious, so she took her friend by her word.

"Yeah, I do." She said unenthusiastically. Morello didn't feel like talking or thinking about Vincent. Nicky raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. "Can I talk to you later?" Morello asked, grabbing her tray.

"Sure. After work?" Nicky asked, and for a moment it almost seemed like they were arranging quickies before bed again. "Yeah. I'll see you in your bunk." Morello said, smiling as the nostalgia hit her.

"Later, then." Tossing a wink and a crooked grin over her shoulder, Nicky walked off, squeezing herself in between Boo and Pennsatucky, leaving Morello standing there alone, unable to tear her gaze from Nicky.

* * *

Morello couldn't sleep. She rolled over in her bed, tugging her blanket tighter around her body. Her mind raced, filling her head with a jumble of confusion. She didn't manage to meet Nicky, as there was a holdup in the shower queue, and by the time she'd taken her nightly shower, it was time for lights off, and she barely had time to scramble into her bunk before she received a shot.

"Lorna." Morello heard Nicky whisper, and a moment later, she felt another body press against hers. "Nicky?" Morello whispered back.

"Sorry I couldn't see you earlier, and since we were both still awake I thought we could talk." Nicky said, scooting as far away from Morello as she could. Which wasn't very far, as the beds were very narrow.

"How'd you know I was awake?" Morello asked in surprise. "Your breathing. It's more even when you're asleep. Everyone knows that." Nicky answered matter-of-factly. Morello nodded to herself in the dark, feeling a little like an idiot.

"Besides, you snore a little." Nicky added. Morello gasped. "I do _not_!" She protested. "Just a little. It's very soft, but I can hear you. It's oddly calming, for some reason." Nicky said. Oh, how Morello _wished_ she could see Nicky's expression and read her body language.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" Nicky asked. "The thing with Caputo and Luschek." Morello turned to face her in the dark. "Not this again." Nicky groaned. "No wait, hear me out." Morello pleaded, and she took Nicky's silence as agreement.

"I think you've been carrying around all your feelings for a while, and I think it'd be better for you to tell Caputo. I know you, and I know you care about the truth. You should at least tell him." Morello said gently, extending her arm and blindly feeling for Nicky's hand.

"Fine." Nicky said. "Fine?" Morello frowned. It was that easy? "He isn't going to give a fuck anyway, so I got nothing to lose." Nicky laughed, the hollow sound echoing in Morello's ears.

"That's a start. And I didn't think you'd say yes this easily." Morello laughed softly. "I never could say no to you, kid. Besides, I _have_ been thinking about it, and I think I should do it. It's worth a shot. Literally. He's probably gonna give me a shot for wasting his time." Nicky said, catching Morello's still-awkwardly-fumbling hand and squeezing it softly once before letting go. Morello laughed.

"I bet this has something to do with Red too, right?" She asked. Morello could almost feel Nicky smiling crookedly next to her. "Perhaps." She replied. They sat together in silence for a moment. "It's getting late. I should go." Nicky said, sliding out of the bed.

"Wait. Or you could stay the night?" Morello asked hopefully. Part of the reason why she wanted Nicky to awaken her when she had a nightmare was because Morello enjoyed falling asleep with Nicky's arms around her, holding her till she drifted off. Of course, it's not like she'd ever tell anyone that.

"I shouldn't." Nicky answered, though judging from the tone of her voice, she clearly wanted to. "C'mon, just one night?" Morello crossed her fingers, hoping her begging was effective enough.

"Ah, what the hell." Nicky said, climbing back into bed with Morello. "Just one night. And it means nothing, right?" Nicky laughed, and once again the sound was hollow and carried no warmth within it. "Of course it means something." Morello huffed, mildly offended as Nicky wrapped her arms around her.

"You got your husband for that." Nicky stated. "But the one I want now is you, so go to bed, Nicky." Morello murmured, and it wasn't till she'd said the words before she realised what she'd said, and turned bright red, glad Nicky couldn't see her in the dark. She decided to change the subject.

"Remember when you had that nightmare that night and you held me instead of me holding you? Why didn't you let me do the holding instead?" Morello babbled, shooting off whatever topic that came straight out of her brain.

"I like hugging you more. You're smaller, you fit nicely against me, and you'd never manage to get your arms around me. Goodnight, kid." Nicky muttered sleepily. Morello shifted backwards a little, her body snugly fitted against Nicky's.

She closed her eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

_"Fuck you and your decision_

 _'Cause it's not mine_

 _What goes around_

 _Comes back around in time."_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Kick Me_

* * *

chapter 18: justice

"You know, you all don't need to follow me. I'll be fine." Nicky said with a sigh to the group of women trailing behind her. The group consisted of Norma, Gina, and Red, who were all trailing behind her as she walked down to Caputo's office.

Norma shrugged. "We're here to support you, Nicky." Gina said determinedly. She seemed to have a perpetually determined expression on her face.

"Thanks, but I'll be fine." Nicky insisted. Morello ran up to them, nearly tripping over her own feet, her hands clutching a mop. "I'm here! Sorry it took so long, I had to stop Crazy-Eyes from having a fight with her mop." She panted, leaning on her own mop for support.

"Here to join the crazy party?" Nicky jerked her head at the other women. "No. Here to support you." Morello said, grinning cheerily. Nicky sighed. "That's what they said." She said, glaring at the three older women, who shrugged collectively.

"Don't you all have work now?" Officer Donaldson asked, walking up to them and glaring. "I'm here to see Mr Caputo." Nicky said quickly. "I'm mopping! See?" Morello said, hurriedly mopping the floor.

"Reznikov. You and your girls here having a hangout?" Donaldson asked, writing each of them a shot before they could protest. "I hope one day someone shoots you in the ass for every fucking shot you give out." Red muttered.

"Heard that, Reznikov." He shot Red a particularly evil look. However, to his credit, he didn't give her a shot, just walked off while Norma and Gina slunk off, Red on their heels.

"Well, time to go." Morello said, gesturing towards Caputo's door. "This is it." Nicky said, wiping her sweaty palms on her shirt. "Yep. Good luck. I'll be out here if you need me." Morello cast a quick look around to check if anyone was watching, before giving Nicky a quick, tight hug.

Nicky exhaled slowly, her movements slow and tense. She knocked on the door. "Yes?" Caputo asked. Nicky entered his office. Morello watched her discreetly through Caputo's window, and she thought of the days when she used to spy on Christopher. She bit her lip uncomfortably, and returned to her work.

* * *

"Nichols." Caputo said upon Nicky's entrance. "Hey Mr Caputo." Nicky greeted nervously, awkwardly letting herself in and shutting the door. "Is this a bad time?"

"Not really, it's not like I have anything else better to do. What can I do for you?" Caputo asked, his tone conversational. Nicky slid into a seat, her foot tapping nervously.

"Please stop that." Caputo said. "Sorry." Nicky ceased the tapping of her foot, though her fingers began drumming against her thigh instead. Caputo squinted at her fingers but didn't say anything.

"So what did you want to talk about, Nichols?" He asked, leaning forward across his desk a little. "I..." Nicky opened her mouth, prepared to tell Caputo the truth about Luschek, but the words stayed stuck in her throat, refusing to emerge. Memories of being locked up in max swirled around her mind, accompanied by despair and rage and hopelessness, and for the millionth time she thought, does she really want to subject someone else, even _Luschek_ , to this?

She knew chances were that Caputo wouldn't even believe her, but that didn't stop the words from refusing to emerge. "Yes?" Caputo asked, clearly irritated. "I..." Nicky tried again. Nausea began to settle in her stomach. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force the words out.

That was when Morello burst in.

* * *

Morello had been very unsubtly spying on them, abandoning the pretense of cleaning to peek through the blinds. She saw Caputo leaning forward, and she saw Nicky beginning to speak. She smiled, glad that Luschek would get what he deserved soon.

She saw Caputo's mildly curious expression turn into one of annoyance. Nicky seemed frozen, her face turning a little green. Oh no. Nicky never used to be nervous about anything, but here she was, frozen and looking like she was about to puke.

Morello couldn't let this happen. They'd come too far for Nicky to choke, not to mention she'd probably sit there and sputter till Caputo kicked her out of his office. She only had one chance, after all. And also, Morello couldn't stand watching Nicky suffer that way.

She tumbled into his office, and both Nicky and Caputo jumped.

"Morello, what the hell?" Caputo demanded, at the same time Nicky said "Lorna, what the hell?". "I..." Morello realised that she'd barged in without a plan, and stood there dumbly for a moment, still clutching her mop.

"Mr Caputo, listen." Morello said, shutting the door. "Nicky needs to tell you something." She continued. "What are you, her spokesperson?" Caputo asked tiredly, leaning back in his seat.

"No, um, thanks kid." Nicky glanced backward towards Morello, who took a step forward, smiling encouragingly at her curly-haired friend. "I have to tell you something, Mr Caputo." Nicky said. "Well go on." Caputo replied, rubbing his temples like the inmates were giving him a headache. Which they probably were, all things considered.

"It's something to do with the drugs. Uh, those drugs were part of Vee's stash." Nicky began, and upon a look at Caputo's confused expression, added "Parker" for his benefit. "Oh, right. Her."" He sighed.

"Carry on." Caputo said. "Well, so they weren't mine, but I found them, and I wanted them out of the prison. So I decided to sell them." Nicky said. "Why didn't you just bring it to me?" Caputo asked, as if it was the most obvious solution in the world. Nicky tensed. Morello stepped closer and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She noted that Nicky didn't mention Boo, and decided to say nothing.

"I figured you'd probably think they were mine and send me down to max." Nicky said, completely aware of the irony of that statement. "Anyway, I gave some of it to Luschek, and he gave them to his cousin to sell." She said.

Caputo leaned forward in his seat. "Are you telling me that you took the drugs to _Luschek_ , and he _sold_ _them_?" He asked. Nicky nodded. "He kept the rest, and long story short, we got caught, he sold me out, I went to max, he's still free." Nicky concluded, somewhat anti-climatically.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Caputo groaned and rubbed his forehead. Nicky's fingers began fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. Morello's hand on her shoulder tightened.

"This just causes a whole lot of new problems for me. Thank you, Nichols." He said, his voice dripping sarcasm. "Oh fuck off." Morello said, her voice angry and hard. Both Nicky and Caputo looked over at her. One of Caputo's brows was raised, while Nicky's eyes widened marginally.

"Look, Nicky's been through a lot. She's trying her best. And Luschek did not need to name her. He was at fault too. So lay off her, alright?" Morello said angrily, her hands gesturing wildly. She wasn't certain why she was so angry, just that she wasn't about to sit there watching Caputo curse and Nicky sputter.

"Look, Nichols. I wanna help you. I do. But I am _swamped_ with so much shit right now, and this is going to take a lot of my time. I'm sorry. I don't think I can help you." Caputo said. Nicky's mouth fell open. She rose to her feet.

"Do you have any idea what I had to go through in there?" She growled, her voice low. "I know what's going on down-" Caputo began, but Nicky spoke over him. "All those nights of listening to the inmates scream, of not being sure if I'm going crazy, of fucking starving every day, of the whole place smelling like shit because we're only allowed to go to the toilet twice a day?" She continued. Morello shivered involuntarily.

"And yet this motherfucker, who was also part of it, gets to sit on his fat fucking ass over here staring at other inmates' boobs while they work? He, who gave the drugs to his cousin, who fucking sold me out? He deserved to be rotting in there with me. He fucking deserved to have to endure all the shit I went through down there. And you're telling me that he won't, because you're _lazy_?" Nicky demanded, her voice cold yet full of anger, moving closer to Caputo with every step.

He sat watching her in stunned silence, till she was close enough to get up close and personal with his dreadful moustache. "Calm down, Nichols." Caputo said, and Nicky reluctantly returned to her seat.

"I get that you want justice, Nichols. I'll be in touch with his cousin, and if all goes well, that motherfucker will go to max, and you may even get a year or two knocked off your sentence, if you're lucky." He looked at Nicky sympathetically. "I want to help you, Nichols." He said.

"Thank you, Mr Caputo." Nicky gave him a small half-smile before she backed out of his office, Morello on her heels. She doubled back to grab her mop, before running after Nicky again. Caputo shook his head and sighed.

"Nicky, you okay?" Morello asked, following her all the way outside, where Nicky sat on the grass, her head resting against the fence. "Yeah, I'm fine, kid. Thanks for standing up for me back there." She said with a crooked, half-hearted smile.

"What was that about?" Morello asked, sinking down onto the grass beside her, her mop resting against the fence.

"What was what about?" Nicky replied, idly kicking the grass. "You kinda went a little dark in there." Morello said, touching her arm in concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright, kid." She answered. Morello gave her a look, and Nicky sighed. "It's just been so awful in there. And even thinking about it, mixed with him weaseling out of being in there with me..." She sighed again.

"Nicky, I've told you many times, I'm here if you need me." Morello said softly. "And I've told you that I'm fine, kid. Or at least, I will be fine." Nicky said with a small smile, and yet she still looked so tired and sad.

"It'll get better, Nicky." Morello said, wrapping her arms around her.

"I promise."


	19. Chapter 19

_"_ _The world comes to life_

 _And everything's bright_

 _From beginning to end_

 _When you have a friend_ _."_

- _Demi Lovato / Gift Of A Friend_

* * *

chapter 19: celebration

"Holy crap Red, this is delicious." Vause said happily, munching on the pie Red had whipped up, with many illegally obtained ingredients. The others nodded enthusiastically. "I hear ya." Nicky grinned in agreement.

Red, Gina, Norma, Vause, Chapman, Morello and Nicky sat at a table in the greenhouse, almost the same way they had a few months ago when Red wanted to apologise to them. Vause and Nicky had rekindled the spark of their friendship, and were now good friends again, talking and laughing and daring each other to do stupid things.

Nicky contemplated inviting Boo and Pennsatucky, but seeing as how they weren't part of the family, she decided against it. Besides, they already hung out with her all the time. And since Pennsatucky and Boo were now extremely close, the tiny Christian spent quite a fair bit of time with Nicky too, and she found herself enjoying her company more than she thought she would. She also wanted to sneak some of the better food out for Poussey, who had been surprisingly friendly towards her since day one, but didn't manage to get a chance to. She made a mental note to get her something from the commissary.

"Thank you." Red beamed at the black-haired girl seated at the far end of the table. Nicky sat at the head, with Morello, Chapman and Vause on her left, and Norma, Gina and Red on her right. Morello, who had already devoured her share of pie in a few bites, was now eyeing Chapman's half-eaten slice enviously. Nicky cut a piece from her own slice and carefully placed it on Morello's plate. She grinned at her gratefully.

"This whole thing was _amazing_. Thank you, Red." Nicky smiled warmly at her mother. The pie was the finishing touch to a delicious 4-course meal prepared by Red, with Norma's assistance. "No problem, Nicky. We had to celebrate you getting back, not to mention Luschek going to prison." Red grinned at Nicky, toasting her with her glass of grape juice, the closest thing they had to wine.

A week ago, a bunch of officers had stormed in during electrical, much like the day Nicky was taken to max. Luschek was put in handcuffs and taken away, unwillingly so. He was kicking and screaming the entire time, and upon being dragged out, Nicky looked him straight in the eye, and shot him a smug, crooked smirk. It was a glorious moment.

"Took you long enough." Nicky laughed and sipped her own grape juice. "You seemed unhappy, and I was busy. But this was the perfect opportunity." Red responded with a shrug. "To Nicky." She said, raising her glass. "To Nicky." The rest of the women echoed, raising their glasses towards the curly-haired girl, who grinned and nodded shyly. "To you. I'm so glad you're back." Morello whispered, smiling brightly at Nicky.

"Thank you. I love you. All of you. You're my family." Nicky said, her voice full of genuine happiness and love. Upon saying 'I love you' her gaze shifted to Morello for a moment, just quick enough for the Italian-American girl to catch. She smiled, warmth blossoming in her chest.

"I'm surprised you managed to put this together even while spending so much time in Healy's office." Chapman said. Vause, Nicky and Morello laughed. Red huffed. "Yeah Red, what's the deal with you and Healy?" Morello asked slyly. Everyone looked at her expectantly. Red began to stutter. This was probably the first time any of them had ever seen her shy.

"Well, Sam and I-" A chorus of whistles sounded upon Red's decision to address Healy by his first name instead. She blushed. "Red's all red now." Vause commented, and the girls laughed. "Sam and I have been spending a lot of time together lately, and we're just friends, that's all." Red shrugged. Gina raised an eyebrow. "Then how come you come out of his office looking all flustered?" She asked.

"None of your business." Red huffed, turning away. "Anyway, what's the deal with your cult, Norma?" Nicky asked, sipping her grape juice. Norma just smiled and shrugged. "Honestly, we have no idea either." Morello leaned in and whispered to her.

"What's going on with you two, then? Sleeping together again?" Chapman grinned at Nicky and Morello. The smaller girl jerked backward, flustered, while Nicky just forced a laugh and hid the red dusting her cheeks by taking another sip of her drink.

"Nicky and I are just friends. Besides, I got my husband." Morello said airily, waving her hand. "That's what Red said." Vause grinned impishly and winked at Morello. Chapman laughed, and Nicky had to fight to keep a straight face. "Speaking of which, how is he?" Vause added, directing her question to Morello.

"He's okay." She said evasively. They hadn't spoken much for the past couple weeks, as Morello barely called and they only spoke during visitation hours. Even so, Morello skipped visitation frequently under the pretense of sickness or work. It wasn't that she hated her husband or anything, she just didn't feel like seeing him or speaking to him much. Maybe she was just tired all the time or something.

"Just okay? If I asked you this a couple months ago I'd have to hear all about how _handsome_ he is, and how _sweet_ , and _funny_ , and _perfect_ ~" Vause said, putting on a false accent and imitating Morello to perfection. The girls laughed while Morello huffed.

"Does this have something to do with Nicky, perhaps?" Chapman teased. "What? No, no it doesn't." Morello said, clearly flustered. Nicky laughed. "Lay off her, c'mon." She said, smiling. For Morello's benefit, Nicky changed the subject. "Hey, any of you remember the day Tricia died?" The joking atmosphere shifted to a more somber one. The smiles slid off their faces.

"Of course. Why the fuck would you even bring that up?" Vause asked, glaring at Nicky. "Does anyone still have her things and shit?" Nicky continued. "Yes, of course. Why are we still even talking about this?" Vause questioned angrily. "Calm down, Vause. I was just thinking, any one of us can leave, so soon. What if we never come back, and all this... family, all the friends you've made, are for nothing?" Nicky asked.

"Quit getting philosophical, Nicky, it fucks the rest of us up." Chapman mumbled, awkwardly sipping her drink. "Well that's what happens when you get out of prison. You leave everyone else behind. Even the ones who love you." Red said. "And you just want to forget all about it, even the few good things that've happened." Vause continued. Nicky nodded.

"Like Red said, that's what happens. You get out of this place, and all the promises you made don't mean shit." She said. Morello fidgeted uncomfortably, getting the distinct feeling that Nicky was suddenly talking about her. "At least we remember Tricia. She deserves it." Morello added.

"To Tricia." Gina said, raising her glass. "To Tricia." They echoed, sipping their drinks. "And hey, to promises. To being each other's family, and finding a little bit of good in this awful place." Nicky said, with a sad half-smile on her lips. Everybody clinked glasses again.

"To family."


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: and so here is chapter 20 ! after this there'll still be around 7-10 more chapters or so , but eh they won't be that long , kinda like this one. much apologies. thank you all for your support ! xx_

* * *

 _"I only have myself to blame_

 _but do you think we could start again?"_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Scene Three - Stomach Tied In Knots_

* * *

chapter 20: apology

Morello and Nicky were together in Morello's cube, where they were reading a magazine together and sitting on Morello's bed. Now that the whole thing with Luschek was over, Nicky was much more relaxed. She seemed to be in much better spirits ever since the party too.

The shorter girl was excitedly talking about all the places she'd like to go once she got out of prison, while the girl with the curls just sat and watched her lively companion in silence.

"What about your husband?" Nicky asked. Morello blinked in confusion. "What about him?" She asked. "You haven't mentioned him once." Nicky pointed out. Morello shrugged. "Of course I'll go with him." She said distantly, flipping through her travel magazine.

Nicky didn't reply, just returned her focus to the images in the magazine. Morello watched her in silence, and bit her lip. She still had one more question she hadn't asked Nicky. "Why won't you let anyone see your wrists?" Morello asked abruptly, tossing the magazine onto the table. Nicky gave her a quizzical look.

"Well when people ask you what happened to your arms you show them, but when they get to your wrists you pull away, and when Red was looking at 'em you also wouldn't let her, and I know if you won't let Red, you won't let anyone." Morello said knowledgably.

Nicky had to smile. She was surprised that Morello remembered these things, much less would bother bringing it up. It was nice that she was talking about little things about her, in her adorable, lightly accented voice.

"You can." Nicky said, after a deep breath. "Hm?" Morello answered confusedly. "Here." Nicky extended her scarred arms to the tiny girl, who peered closely at the marks on one arm, moving on to the other later on. The Italian-American girl's eyes widened. The amount of pain Nicky had caused herself always horrified her whenever she saw the marks all over her skin.

Morello ran her fingers all over Nicky's arms, just like how she'd wanted to so many other times. Her skin had mostly healed, only a few slightly puffy gashes still damaged it, the type that one would never recover from.

She spotted a tattoo on her wrist. Morello twisted it a little to get a better look. Nicky remained silent, her eyes on her feet.

From the looks of it, Nicky had done her own sloppy D.I.Y. tattoo in max with a sharp object and some ink. Despite the crudeness of the tattoo, the words inscribed into her skin were carefully written in Nicky's messy, cursive script.

The letters tattooed onto her skin were "L.M.". Morello gave a little gasp. Nicky still remained silent. The little Italian-American turned to her companion's other arm, running her fingers along the cuts and wounds.

And on the inside of her forearm, were a few words carefully lettered on her skin. Morello squinted her dark eyes and read them aloud.

"I love you too." She frowned, confused for a moment, before the truth slammed into her like a wrecking ball. Morello gasped, dropping her arm. Nicky finally met her gaze.

"Was this what everything was all about? Why you were so mad at me?" Morello asked softly, more to herself than Nicky, even though they both already knew the answer.

"Oh, Nicky, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry." Morello began to cry softly, wrapping her arms around Nicky's body, her face contorted as she sobbed.

"Don't cry." Nicky said, almost tenderly, stroking her dark curls with gentle, loving movements. She leaned downwards to kiss Morello's forehead, and then thought better of it when she remembered she was married.

Morello hiccuped, wiped away her tears, and gave Nicky a watery smile. "How about I hold you this time, yeah?" She asked gently, while still sniffling. Her nose was red.

Nicky smiled and nodded slightly. "I'd like that." She said, laying down in Morello's lap and kicking off her black shoes.

Morello stroked her messy brown hair, twirling locks of it around her finger. She still remembered when it was dry and jagged at the edges, versus its softer, neater state.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Morello asked softly, kissing her cheek, the way Nicky did when she found out Christopher was getting married. "It wasn't fair to you. You were married and everything. And besides, nothing's going to change." Nicky said.

Though it pained her to admit it, Morello knew that was most probably true. Even so, she still felt awfully guilty. She stroked Nicky's hair softly, sniffling occasionally and wiping away stray tears. "I shouldn't have. I've fucked up, so badly." She said miserably, and she noticed that Nicky didn't contradict her. Guilt overwhelmed her from within, threatening to spill the tears from her eyes.

Morello continued to stroke Nicky's hair, even after she fell asleep in her lap, her expression peaceful.

"I'm so sorry." Morello whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to Nicky's forehead and whispering the words against her skin.

"I'm so, so sorry."


	21. Chapter 21

_"It's so simple but we can't stay_

 _overanalyze again_

 _would it really kill you if we kissed?"_

 _-Halsey / Drive_

* * *

chapter 21: love

"So quick question. How'd you get tattoos done in max?" Morello questioned. The two of them were sitting in Nicky's cube, with Nicky touching up her makeup. The two were lounging in Nicky's bunk together, as they both didn't have work duty that day.

"I had my ways. Phone calls, stolen pen, et cetera. I had nearly forgotten so many things down there. Little things, that were so important. The colour of Chapman's hair, what Vause's voice sounded like, the smell of Red's perfume, half the inmates' names, the feel of your hair, and so on." Nicky said. "I needed to remember this. So that was the only way." She explained.

"Oh." Morello said in a small voice. "But why _did_ you ignore me, though?" She asked. "I mean, isn't it easier to remember someone you would speak to?" She continued.

"Hm?" Nicky asked, returning her focus to lining her eyes and only half-paying attention to what Morello was saying. "Why'd you ignore me when you got back? I mean, I know, there was the whole...thing, and all." Morello blushed.

"You know, max was the closest thing to hell I've ever been through. But suffering there wouldn't have been so bad, if it meant I could come back to you someday, you know? But when I get back, you're gone." Nicky said, her voice sad. "But you could've talked to me." Morello protested.

"I couldn't." Nicky answered, putting away her makeup and pocket mirror. "Why not?" Morello said, setting aside her own items. Nicky sighed. "You still don't get it." She said, almost sadly. Morello looked at her quizzically, clearly confused. Nicky sighed again.

"Look, I was in max for god knows how long, but it felt like a fuckin' eternity there, and while I was there all I could think of was you, alright? So when I get back and you're married, how does that make me feel, huh? I couldn't even look at you, without wanting to do..."

Nicky's voice broke off suddenly, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "Do what?" Morello said curiously.

"This." Nicky answered, and her hand was on Morello's cheek, and her lips were on hers'; soft and chapped like they always were. Nicky's eyes closed for a moment as her other arm wrapped around Morello's waist, and all of a sudden she had drawn back, panting and looking away. Morello looked at Nicky while she shoved back her curls in frustration. "I shouldn't even be fucking doing that." She said angrily.

"Well, maybe one last time?" Morello said, almost hopefully, ignoring the twinge of guilt shooting through her. Nicky stared at her for a moment, feelings ranging from desire to surprise to sadness coursing through her body.

This time, it was Morello who initiated the kiss, gently pulling Nicky close by the fabric of her beige shirt and kissing her softly. Nicky's hand went to Morello's waist again, while her other hand was on her back. Nicky wasn't very good at gentle kisses, as previously all kissing was to her was a way to arouse her partner. She heard Morello whisper her name lovingly against her lips. It was like music to Nicky's ears.

"But you're married." She whispered, pulling away, her hands going to Morello's back, to hold her closer. "I am, but can I please just kiss you for a while?" Morello pleaded, twining her arms around Nicky's neck. It was like all the walls she built around her heart had disappeared, and for the umpteenth time, Nicky found herself handing her heart to Morello even though she knew she'd just break it again.

Nicky leaned in slowly, pressing her lips to Morello's. Morello pulled her closer, her eyes shutting. A fire had kindled within her eyes, which had widened, as though determined to take in every aspect of Morello's face. It was as though time had stopped all around them, leaving them free to stay that way forever.

"I love you." Nicky whispered, the truth coming out in the heat of emotion. "I love you too." Morello replied softly, pressing her mouth against Nicky's again. She buried her fingers in Nicky's soft curls, her eyes closing.

In that moment, it was like love was a secret that only they knew; that love was a strong, warm, beautiful feeling that only existed between the two of them; that the feeling of love belonged to them and only them.


	22. Chapter 22

_"I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight_

 _didn't mean to fall in love tonight_

 _you're looking like you fell in love tonight_

 _can we pretend that we're in love?"_

 _-Halsey / Is There Somewhere_

* * *

chapter 22: magic

The other inmates couldn't remember when or how it started, they just remembered one particular morning when Nicky and Morello walked down to breakfast together and there was a red lipstick mark on Nicky's neck.

"Found yourself a new wife, have you?" Vause had grinned at her. Nicky looked genuinely surprised, and shook her head slowly, clearly confused. "Look." Chapman had pointed out, gently touching the lipstick mark on her neck.

Nicky and Morello had turned their gaze to it (Nicky with much difficulty), and much to everyone's surprise, the two of them had turned bright red. Nicky had hastily rubbed it off, but not before Vause peered closely at the lipstick mark and at Morello's lips, and her eyes had widened.

"Oh my god. Lorna, isn't that your lipstick?" Vause had said in clear delight. Morello had begun stuttering and even Nicky appeared flustered. "Oh my god, it is!" Chapman exclaimed, laughing as Nicky tried to get the mark off her neck.

Eventually, all their friends had gotten together and bugged Nicky and Morello till they were forced to admit that they were back together. Everyone had cheered and congratulated them, with a large amount of teasing thrown in, and the two had just smiled shyly and accepted it, their hands joined underneath the table.

* * *

The days passed by in a blur. Everything was the same—the food was disgusting, the guards were strict, the inmates were angry. Morello's world was a haze of grey, with Nicky the only thing vibrant and full of colour. She felt incredibly light, now that she was able to admit to her feelings for Nicky.

Work no longer seemed so awful, if she could head into the library under the pretense of wiping down the shelves to kiss Nicky whenever she wanted to. Morello visited her every day, sneaking kisses with Nicky behind the bookshelves.

Initially, Poussey hadn't approved of her, but eventually even she was alright with the tiny Italian-American girl creeping in and stealing Nicky for half an hour several times a day. Sometimes, the black girl even covered for them, much to Nicky and Morello's surprise and gratefulness.

Morello loved kissing Nicky, the feel of her soft lips pressed against her own, the way Nicky's arms automatically wrapped around her body to pull her closer. She loved running her fingers through Nicky's curly hair and twining locks of it around her finger. She loved the way her soft curls tickled her arms when she twined them around her neck.

She loved the way Nicky's brow furrowed in concentration when she was drawing intently in her notebook.

She loved the way she laughed, with a note of surprise to it, as though she never expected anyone to be able to crack her up. She loved the crooked half-smiles Nicky gave out freely. She loved the way Nicky walked, her posture perfect, her stride casual, her expression bored, her eyes full of arrogance, claiming everything she saw, while emotions raged behind their dark surface; so much unlike when she first got back from max, and she walked with the gait of a person who just wanted to fade away forever. She loved the way Nicky's eyes lit up when she saw her, her eyes filling with a sort of radiance Nicky reserved for her only.

Morello couldn't think of anything she didn't love about Nicky.

* * *

It came as a surprise the first time Morello was cleaning toilets and Nicky barged in, mostly because upon her arrival she'd abruptly pushed Morello against the wall and pressed her mouth to hers, and also because she never skipped work. Ever since she got back from max, Nicky had been terrified of breaking rules. So far, she'd barely gotten any shots.

"Nicky." Morello whispered her name against her lips, her leg wrapped around Nicky's body, her cleaning rag forgotten. Nicky's arms were around her waist, her mouth pressed against hers. Nicky shifted her mouth downwards, leaving a trail of kisses from her lips to the crook of her neck. "Hm?" She muttered, little gasps coming from Morello's lips.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Morello breathed, her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "Thought I'd stop by to see you." Nicky murmured softly, her arms tightening around Morello's body.

"Don't you have work?" Morello asked, her voice coming out in a high, breathy whisper. Nicky stopped her movements to pull back and look at Morello. "Like I said, thought I'd stop by to see you, kid. Poussey and Taystee were having some sort of book talk, and they let me go." Nicky said. "But if you want, I can lea-"

She never finished her sentence, as Morello grabbed her by the front of her shirt and pressed her mouth to hers firmly, effectively shutting her up. "I really hope this becomes a daily thing." Morello whispered.

"You sneak in to see me every day, kid." Nicky pointed out. "I know, but this is different. And we can do some other things here." Morello's hand wandered to the waistband of Nicky's pants. She tensed. Morello pulled her hands away instantly, surprised and mildly disappointed.

"I'll just kiss you, yeah?" Nicky said. "I'll take it." Morello grinned and returned her hands to Nicky's back, pulling her close. Much to Morello's delight, it _did_ end up becoming a daily thing.

* * *

"Nicky." Morello's high voice drifted through Nicky's bunk as a questioning whisper. She wasn't exactly sure if Nicky was awake or not, but decided to just try anyway. "Yeah?" Nicky replied as quietly as she could, scooting over to where Morello crouched at the foot of her bed.

"You're still up?" Morello asked in surprise. Nicky shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. What's up, kid?" She asked. The tiny girl slowly reached for Nicky's hand, entwining her fingers with hers. For Morello, touching Nicky was like second nature to her. Whether it was holding hands, or resting her head on her shoulder, or encircling her arms around Nicky's slender body, or pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek, her first instinct upon seeing Nicky was to reach out for her.

Judging from the way Nicky always slid her hand into hers whenever she stood next to Morello, she felt the same way. Morello could tell that Nicky cared about her, with every caress of her cheek, every time Nicky said her name with such love in her voice, every gentle, affectionate circle Nicky's thumb rubbed on her hand, every kiss they shared. Their touches were like a secret language only they knew, understood only by both of them.

With her other hand, Morello reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, soft item. "A muffin?" Nicky said incredulously, biting back her laughter. Morello nodded. "A muffin." She affirmed, her voice serious, climbing into Nicky's bunk. She spent many nights sleeping in there now, ever since she made Nicky promise to wake her up whenever she had a nightmare.

Almost every night, Nicky would creep into Morello's bunk and whisper her name till she woke up. It wasn't difficult to avoid getting caught, as the guards stationed were usually tired and running on caffeine and sugar, and they just wanted to go home.

Sometimes, Nicky would try to pretend she hadn't been having a bad dream, and came down to breakfast with her curly hair even more unruly than usual, her eyes devoid of makeup and barely able to stay open. Morello would instantly protest that she hadn't woken her up, so how was she to help her fall asleep? Even sometimes when Nicky came down to breakfast looking perfectly cheerful, Morello could still tell that she had had a nightmare the night before, and would sulk at her till she apologised. The others always laughed, seeing their sarcastic, I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-what-you-think Nicky apologising repeatedly to an adorable, harmless-looking girl who was only 5 feet tall.

"Where'd you get that?" Nicky laughed softly, drawing Morello into her arms, gently setting the tiny girl on her lap. "Stole it from dinner." Morello whispered, breaking off a chunk of muffin and biting into it.

"How'd you sneak it out?" Nicky asked, her chin resting on Morello's head. "I'm just real smooth, you know?" Morello attempted a femme fatale voice, curling her other hand into a claw. The two of them burst into soft giggles. Morello had become an expert at sneaking food out. Ever since she went to Chang and Sister Ingalls and asked them for advice, she herself had refined her food theft skills to perfection.

Usually she only stole food on movie nights, to share with Nicky. Morello loved movie nights, but she enjoyed them even more now that Nicky was there with her making sarcastic comments under her breath and making her giggle.

"Will you two lesbians shut the fuck up?" Vause murmured from her bunk, rolling onto her side. "The rest of us need sleep." She muttered, pulling at the thin blanket.

"Sorry." Morello whisper-called across, hiding her giggles against Nicky's chest. "Here." She broke off another piece of muffin, and pressed the small piece of pastry against Nicky's lips. Nicky's teeth clamped onto the piece of muffin, and Morello returned her fingers to the original muffin. "Damn, I miss my old teeth sometimes." Nicky said, chewing the little piece of pastry.

"You told me you had a gap between your front teeth. I'd love to see that." Morello grinned and snuggled closer against Nicky's chest. "You remembered." Nicky laughed softly in surprise, tightening her arms around Morello.

"Of course I did. You gotta show me pictures when we get out." Morello murmured. Nicky's body tensed. "What?" She asked, tearing off a piece of muffin and putting it in her mouth. "Nothing. Let's just not talk about it." Nicky answered, gently pressing Morello's head against her chest with one hand.

"Okay." Morello replied quietly, pressing a small piece of muffin against Nicky's lips.

* * *

They never talked about the future. Every time Morello brought up anything involving getting out of prison, Nicky usually changed the subject quickly, or turned away immediately.

Both Nicky and Morello rarely brought up Vincent. Usually, it was Nicky who brought him up, much to Morello's surprise. His name always left a bitter taste on her lips and a feeling of guilt in her gut. She always pushed it away whenever it arose, wrapping her arms around Nicky and kissing her instead. Morello felt awful for cheating on her husband, but she couldn't help it. She loved Nicky. She made a mental note to tell him one day, but it kept slipping her mind.

At some point, Nicky had asked about how they met, when they got married, and everything else in between. Morello chattered on about it for a while, the thought of her wedding bringing only a sense of guilt now. For some reason, Nicky had wanted to know everything about it, and Morello had reluctantly relayed the details to her.

Initially, Nicky was reluctant to talk about max, but in the end Morello had wheedled the truth out of her. Nicky told her everything that had happened: her fights with the other inmates, the way the solitary confinement unit there was so awful all she did was scream and slash her arms and cry, the way the food there made the cooking here look like a gourmet feast, and so on. She told her about how she'd made herself keep on moving, to prevent from keeping still and going insane in the dark with screams accompanying her. Well, that explained her inability to sit still.

Nicky had told her everything all at one go, the two of them sitting in her bunk, and by the end of it, her hands were trembling, her fingernails digging into her palm. Morello simply pressed a soft kiss against Nicky's cheek. She lay down with her by her side, her short arms wrapped around Nicky's body, holding her until everything was okay.

* * *

They never slept together either. Every time Morello tried reaching between Nicky's legs when they kissed in the bathroom, Nicky would gently nudge her hand away, meeting her quizzical, disappointed look with a small, crooked smile. Morello never asked why, simply respected her decisions, and didn't push her.

They never did anything concrete. Sure, they talked about feelings, but they never talked about more solid feelings. Every time Morello tried saying the words "I love you", Nicky would cut her off by pressing her mouth to hers, or pressing her index finger against Morello's lips in a shushing motion.

"I've only ever said it to you two times, you know." Morello said one afternoon, lying down with her head in Nicky's lap, flipping through a magazine. "I know." Nicky said, stroking Morello's dark hair lovingly, reading a book with one hand holding it.

"You've said it twice too." Morello continued. "Three times." Nicky said without looking up. "Hm?" Morello shifted a little, flipping to the next page of her magazine. "Before I went to max, the other night, and the time Christopher came to visit." Nicky replied.

"Right." Morello tried not to think about Christopher if she could help it. Of course, the whole reason why she was in here was for stalking him, so that was pretty hard.

"Why won't you let me say it?" Morello asked. "You know, I do lo-" Nicky gently clamped a hand onto her mouth, shaking her head. "It's a promise, kid." She said, smiling her trademark crooked smile, her eyes sad.

"I promise, then." Morello said, moving over and sitting up beside Nicky. She entwined their fingers together. Nicky just shook her head, the same sad smile playing on her lips.

"Really?" She asked, her voice soft, and she wasn't talking about them now; she was talking about them before. Morello didn't quite know how to answer her.

* * *

Where their previous relationship was built on a purely physical connection, their new one was more emotional. Morello used to wonder why people would get together in prison, like when Tricia and Mercy started dating, or when Vause and Chapman stopped hate-fucking and started being proper girlfriends instead. She understood it now.

Another thing about their current relationship Morello loved was the way they seemed to be getting to know each other all over again. She told Nicky all over again about how much she loved West Side Story and Toy Story and all sorts of other shows, and Nicky repeated her stories of Marka and her friends. Morello told her about all her secrets and all her feelings, and Nicky allowed Morello into her own heart, talking about her own feelings more than she would've before.

It wasn't boring or draggy or annoying, having to hear the same thing over again several times. It was just two people, reuniting after being apart for so long, and exploring one another's being all over again. Like coming home after a long trip.

In the beginning, Morello thought her feelings for Nicky were purely platonic, that Nicky was her best friend, and nothing more. When Nicky came back, Morello was convinced she was in love with her husband, and that her determination to fix Nicky came from the connection the two of them had.

The two of them had always been connected, from the first time Nicky had found Morello crying in her bunk and chose to comfort her instead of ridicule her, from the easy banter they shared, from the way Nicky put all her needs above her own personal feelings, from the trust and love that had emerged from all these things.

Morello could understand Nicky's refusal to acknowledge her now. Nicky, ever so strong and resilient, had come back from max broken, a pale shell of the vibrance she used to shine with. She was once a hurricane, with strong, explosive feelings barely kept under control, her radiance shining out of her despite the misery of being in prison.

And when she'd gotten back, in desperate needing of being put back together, the only thing holding her together had broken her heart. The only thing Morello felt more guilt about than cheating on her husband was the fact that she'd smashed Nicky's heart into little pieces. Nicky, who loved her so much.

She'd apologised so many times, and each time Nicky would wave it away with a smile, insisting that it was alright. Still, Morello couldn't shake the horrible feeling of guilt. She seemed to be guilty of so many things these days.

* * *

"Say it only if you mean it, kid." Nicky said to her, on the very same day Morello had brought it up. "I do." She insisted. "How many people have you promised that, Lorna? Are you really sure you love me?" Nicky asked, dog-earing the page of her book, shutting it, and turning to Morello.

"Nicky, please. I've been in love before. I loved Christopher, and I loved Vince, but what I feel for you is different." Morello was fully aware of how cheesy she sounded, and half-expected Nicky to laugh. What she didn't expect was Nicky leaning forward and softly kissing her on the lips.

"So what does this mean?" Morello asked. "You know what it means." Nicky answered. And she did.

Prison was always going to be hell for Morello. She only had around 2 years left, but that period of time seemed to stretch into a limitless oblivion. Her life in this hellhole had always been and would always be grey, but with Nicky's storm of radiant colours by her side, maybe the grey wasn't so bad.

Morello wasn't sure if it was just her or something, but she felt that Nicky's love for her kept her going, cocooning her in warmth and strength she relied on to get through her day, like some sort of magic.


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: okay so this chapter is pretty short and not very good , but I'm kind of sick again and I'm really tired , so I'm sorry. anyway happy reading , and I love all of you ! xx_

* * *

 _"I'm falling over and over again_

 _from all the words that you have said_

 _It's written on my heart for everyone to see."_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Scene Four - With Eyes To See And Ears To Hear_

* * *

chapter 23: confession

It had been a while since Nicky and Red had been able to spend time alone together. The last time they did, it was for a quick chat in the kitchen, when Red had pressed an expensive-looking bottle of mascara into her hand and hugged her tightly. That was a few weeks ago, when Nicky and Morello first started dating again.

At the moment, Red was alone in her bunk, reading a Russian novel, her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. "Hey, Red." Nicky said, walking in and smiling crookedly. "Nicky." Red returned the smile, turning to face her. "What can I do for you?" She asked. "I want to know why." Nicky replied softly.

It was quite a coincidence that at that exact moment, Morello had dashed in to grab her grey jacket, as it was colder out than she'd expected. She was sitting in the yard and spending some quality time with Suzanne, who was actually really nice to her. However, her mission was forgotten upon hearing the pain in Nicky's voice in that single short statement.

Nicky seemed alright lately. She still had her nightmares, and the thought of max still made her shake and hyperventilate, but Morello was always there to soothe her. Their relationship was as strong as ever, though they still hadn't had sex yet. It was strange, really, Nicky not wanting to sleep with her. But she'd grown used to it, and was perfectly okay with it, as long as Nicky was okay.

They still never talked about the future, though. Any time Morello brought up anything solid, Nicky would either kiss her or change the subject. She figured Nicky just needed time, and was glad to give it to her if she needed it.

Morello knew it was wrong, but she crouched behind the wall dividers of the inmates' cubes, peering over at Red and Nicky. Nicky's back was to her, and she could see all the cuts on her arms. Red's expression was one of confusion.

"Why what?" Red asked. "Why did you let her marry him?" Nicky asked. Immediately, both Red and Morello knew who she was talking about. "She was happy, and she was set. What was I to do?" Red replied. "Besides, aren't you two fucking again?"

"No Red, we're not. I haven't slept with her at all since I got back. I can't do it, not with her belonging to someone else. But back to the point. You knew how I felt, but yet you let her do it." Nicky said, grabbing fistfuls of her curly hair and yanking it in frustration. Red remained silent for a moment. "I know." She said, her voice hard, her expression hidden from view.

"You _knew_ I loved her, Red." Nicky's voice broke, and she sank onto Chapman's bed. Red immediately moved over to her daughter's side. She wrapped an arm around her tenderly. "I'm sorry, Nicky. There was nothing I could do. Besides, she was happy. Don't you want that?" Red asked, stroking Nicky's untamed hair.

"Of course I want her to be happy! But I want her to be happy with me, not some other guy. I was there for her from the start. And then she told me she loved me, though she clearly _didn't_ , but of course I didn't know that, because when I get back from max, all happy to see her, she's fucking _married_ to some other guy! And now she claims she loves me again, and I know I'll just have my heart broken again, and yet I'd still do any fucking thing for her."

"I'm the one who holds her on her bad days, who understands her sense of humor, who's there when she needs me. _He_ can't make her laugh the way I do, and he sure as fuck can't take care of her when she needs him. _I_ do all that."

"Sometimes I want to just stay away from her, because I know I can't ever have her, but the moment she even says my name it's game over for me. I'm probably just a prison fling to her, but I don't even care. She tells me she loves me, and I can't even believe her, yet I want to, so fucking badly."

"It's like all my shit about only getting to break my heart once doesn't apply to her, even though she's _married_ , and it fucking _kills_ me, Red, because _I_ _'m in love with her_!"

All the anger that Nicky kept in her for the past few months exploded out of her in an instant. She got up, paced around, pulled at her own hair, and made wild hand gestures, all while ranting and shouting.

"Do we have a problem?" An officer shouted at them. Nicky forced a grin, and shook her head. "No! No problem." She sank onto Red's bunk, cradling her head in her hands.

"Nicky." Red said gently, stroking her back. "What?" Nicky asked brokenly, her lip trembling as she struggled not to cry. Red simply hugged her daughter, and allowed her to lie in her lap as she cried.

"I'm sorry, Nicky. You'll find someone else one day. You're pretty, and you're intelligent. There will be someone for you." Red said, stroking Nicky's messy curls. "But I don't _want_ anyone else, Red. I love _her_." Nicky sobbed, clutching Red's pillow.

"You can still have her now." Red said soothingly. "I don't just want her now. I want to be with her outside of prison, to be a normal couple. I want to do those normal couple-y things with her, like get brunch, or have those stupid wine tasting things, or go on long walks and shit. I can't even think of our lives outside of this shithole, because she'll go live her perfect life with her husband, and where'll that leave me?" Nicky asked softly.

Morello, who had her hands pressed against her mouth the entire time to keep from crying out, let out a soft whimper. She never knew the extent to which she'd hurt Nicky. Of course, because Nicky had pushed aside her own feelings just to keep Morello happy. Just like she always had.

"But I really do love you, Nicky." She whispered against her palms, tears silently running down her cheeks. "I love you. What will it take for you to understand that I really do?"

And if Nicky had heard her, Morello knew what she would say: "do you remember the last time you told me you loved me? During then,you went and got married to someone else. How do I know this time will be different?"


	24. Chapter 24

_And all I feel is this cruel wanting_

 _We've been falling for all this time_

 _And now I'm lost in paradise_

 _Run away, run away_

 _One day we won't feel this pain anymore_

 _-Evanescence / Lost In Paradise_

* * *

chapter 24: rejection

"What's going on, Lorna? You seem distant." Vincent said, his hand reaching out to squeeze Morello's. "N-nothing's wrong! Why would you say that?" Morello asked, nervously flashing her husband a quick smile, her other hand fidgeting.

"I don't know. You seem like there's something on your mind." Vincent said, frowning at his wife. Morello forced a laugh. "No, no, everything's okay." She changed the subject quickly.

"So you know last week, they showed The Notebook during movie night, and I went with Nicky, and she actually cried during the ending, you know? It's so weird, watching her cry." Morello babbled, thinking back to the fond memory and smiling wistfully.

Vincent sighed loudly. "Look, Lorna, I love you. But it's like for the past few weeks, all you've been talking about is Nicky. You've barely asked about me, and it's like you care about her more than me." He said.

Morello jerked backward in surprise. "Have I?" She asked in surprise, fidgeting guiltily. She bit her lip. "Yeah. I barely see you now. What's going on?" Vincent asked.

"I just care about her. She's my friend, after all." Morello said. The word 'friend' left a strange taste in her mouth. She ignored it, though she suddenly found it very difficult to look Vincent in the eye.

"What's going on, Lorna?" Vincent asked. He knew her; he could tell whenever anything was wrong with her. "What's going on with you and her?" He demanded.

"I love her, Vincent." Morello blurted. She found she couldn't call him by her nickname for him anymore. "What?" Vincent asked, leaning forward and clasping his hands together. "I love her." Morello repeated, her heart rate increasing.

"When did this happen?" He asked in a low voice, looking down onto his clasped hands on the table. "I don't know." Morello whispered, looking away from him.

"Why? Did you love her when we were married? Did you lie to me?" Vincent shot rapid questions at her, as though trying to comprehend her words.

"I don't know, Vince, I don't know. It just happened." Morello replied in a small voice. "Then how do you know if you love her?" Vincent asked desperately, as though trying to convince her that wasn't true. "I know I love her. That's all. I don't know when or how it happened, but... I love her." Morello answered softly.

"I can't believe this." Vincent said, his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. With a start, Morello realised he was crying.

"No, please don't cry." She said desperately, extending a hand to stroke his back. He flinched away from her touch. "Just go, Lorna, please." Vincent said.

"I'm so sorry." Morello said, and she ran from visitation, brushing away her own tears as they spilled down her cheeks.

* * *

"Hey, kid. Back from visitation so soon?" Nicky asked lightly, writing out a list of books on a sheet of paper. Morello slid into the seat beside her, and grabbed her face, kissing her full on the lips.

Nicky dropped the pen in surprise. She could tell something was up. Reluctantly, Nicky pushed Morello away. "What's going on?" She demanded, while Morello tried to pull her closer, tugging at the material of her shirt demandingly.

"Just kiss me." Morello begged. "What is it?" Nicky asked again. "I love you." She whispered huskily, pulling Nicky close and kissing her again. "Stop. What's going on, Lorna?" Nicky demanded, ignoring her own burning desire to kiss her.

"I'm going to get a divorce with Vincent." Morello said softly. "Why?" Nicky asked in shock. "I'm... not in love with him. I loved him, but now I love someone else." Morello answered, almost shyly. Nicky was silent for a moment.

"How long were you two married again?" She asked. "A few months." Morello replied, a little surprised. "And now you don't love him anymore?" Nicky continued. "Y-yes." Morello answered, her brow furrowing.

"That was quick." Nicky said. Morello looked surprised. "What do you mean?" She questioned. "When I got back you were all in love with him, and now you've moved on? Or should I say moved back?" Nicky said bitterly.

"Why are you angry? I thought you'd be happy. Besides, you know how I feel about you." Morello said. Nicky sighed in frustration. "But why would I be happy?" She asked. "Because I thought you loved me." Morello answered.

"Look kid, I love you. I really do. But how can I be sure that you won't get tired of me after a while, too? How do I know that you really love me? It's like you're moving from me to him and back to me again, and what's to say you won't go back to him? I can't _really_ believe it, kid. I'm sorry."

"Nicky, I love you. Why won't you believe me?" Morello begged, her other hand going to squeeze Nicky's. Nicky jerked her hand out from between both of Morello's.

"It's not that I won't believe you. It's that I think you're gonna get bored of me too. Are you going to break my heart again?" Nicky asked. Morello stuttered vaguely, but Nicky ploughed on.

"I thought you did love him. I was- well, I wasn't _happy_ , but I was alright being your prison fling, so long as you were happy. But if it only takes you a few weeks to 'fall in love' with me, how long will it take before you get tired of me?"

"I won't, Nicky, really." Morello pleaded. "You've broken both my heart and his. Is this some sort of game to you? Do you go around just breaking hearts because you feel like it?" Nicky demanded. Morello stammered a shaky response, tears forming in her eyes. "Nicky, I really don't see what-"

"Look, Lorna. You said you loved him. You're _married_ to him. But it's like all you're doing is floating around, falling for whoever catches your fancy. You don't _really_ love me." Nicky replied, standing up.

"How do you know that? It's how _I_ feel." Morello answered defiantly, jumping to her feet, trying to glare intimidatingly at Nicky. Though it _was_ quite difficult, seeing as how she was shorter than Nicky, and also because she was crying.

"You've broken my heart many times, kid, and that's okay, because I thought one day you'll find someone who you'll care about enough to not break _their_ heart. But if you're back here again, who's to say you won't leave me again?" Nicky asked. Morello had been working so hard to take down the walls Nicky had built around her heart, brick by brick, but it seemed that she wasn't even close to starting. Either that, or she had somehow messed up and helped Nicky to put them back up.

" _Dammit_ Nicky-" She started angrily, but Nicky cut across her sentence.

"You know what we're like? Chapman and Vause. Vause told Chapman that was the last time she could come to her. And you know what Vause did when Chapman left her for her fiancé? She came to _me_ , all miserable. But at the end of it she still let Chapman break her heart again. You've broken mine one too many times, kid. Who's to say you won't do it again?"

With her eyes full of a sort of sad hopelessness, Nicky rose to her feet, and grabbed her books and the sheet of paper she was scribbling on, tucked her pen behind her ear, and left, leaving Morello standing in silence with tears running down her face.

"Hey. You okay?" Poussey asked, walking up to Morello with a tissue. Morello shook her head.

"No, I don't think I am."


	25. Chapter 25

_"Would you save me a spark?_

 _We'll start a fire that shines a light in the dark_

 _Strike a match,_

 _make it last_

 _We are all we need."_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Save Me A Spark_

* * *

chapter 25: warmth

"Hey Morello." Vause said, entering her bunk. "Oh hey Vause." Morello straightened up, putting away the romance novel she was reading.

"You said you wanted to see me?" Vause said, pushing her glasses to the top of her head. "Yes I did." Morello said, her high voice contrasting with Vause's low one. "Um, so..." She began awkwardly. "Cut to the chase, Morello." Vause said, her voice surprisingly gentle, if not a little exasperated.

"When you and Chapman broke up the first time, Nicky came to you, yeah?" She asked nervously. "What's your point?" Vause asked curtly. Morello clearly wasn't very good at getting straight to the point.

"Um, well, I-" Morello began, fidgeting awkwardly. Vause sighed. "Nicky told me everything." She said. "She did?" Morello said in surprise. That wasn't like Nicky, who would let her emotional anguish kill her inside slowly without saying a word. Vause laughed.

"Actually, no. I had to get it from Poussey, because I saw her looking pretty down, and only you've been able to affect her moods that way." Vause said matter-of-factly. Morello looked at her in silence.

"You know Nicky. You know about all her "you only get one chance to break my heart" crap. You know how she won't let her guard down in front of anyone. She's just scared." Vause said, surprisingly gently. "Scared?" Morello repeated, her brow creased.

"She's afraid of being hurt. She doesn't want to be left behind with her heart in pieces again. She thought you only wanted her for comfort in this god-awful place. She never anticipated that you'd actually want to be with her, you see."

"Anticipated?" Morello repeated confusedly. Vause exhaled loudly. "Jesus, Lorna. Focus." She said, removing her glasses from her head and putting them back on.

"Nicky may seem like a fucking mess now, but she plans almost everything out. Even before max, she makes sure her actions won't end _too_ badly for her before she does stuff. With falling in love being the exception, of course. Come to think of it, her plans don't always work. Her plan to get rid of the drugs via Luschek was fucking awful." Vause paused, frowning. "But the point is, Nicky didn't plan this out, therefore she freaked out. It's simple."

"What do I gotta do?" Morello asked, slowly comprehending the truth. "Talk to her. She's been avoiding you the whole day, which gives her plenty of time to think about it. Convince her you really do love her." Vause squinted at her. "You do, right?" She said, almost suspiciously.

Morello nodded earnestly. "I do." She said sincerely, and Vause nodded, satisfied. "Good." She responded. Vause got up to leave.

"Good luck." She said, turning around to face Morello. "I'm rooting for you two." Vause said, smiling genuinely. Morello gave her a small smile in return. "Thank you." She answered.

"Oh, also." Vause turned back and leaned in, a wide smile on her face. Morello edged closer. "I don't care how close we are, or about how close our friendship is. If you break Nicky's heart again, under any circumstance at all, I will break your face." She winked at Morello, who gave her a nervous smile in return. Vause could easily break her face and she knew it.

Morello wouldn't put herself into a situation where Vause would want to do that to her, ever. Meaning: she wouldn't break Nicky's heart ever again.

* * *

She found Nicky sitting by herself out in the yard later that night. The curly-haired inmate was sitting in the grass, her short figure barely visible in the dark, idly pulling up blades of grass.

"Hey." Morello said softly, sitting beside the other girl. "Hey." Nicky replied without looking at her, continuing to yank up bits of grass.

"You're gonna get a shot if you stay out here." Morello said. "Count's in 10. I took a shower earlier so I got some time to sit here now." Nicky replied, looking around at the shadowy grounds, the dark sky, utterly devoid of stars. The moon was a luminous beacon in the sky, completely full and round, providing a tiny amount of light for the two inmates outside.

"I talked to Vause earlier." Morello said. "I took a dump earlier." Nicky responded flatly. Morello gave her a look. Nicky sighed.

"What'd you two talk about?" She asked. "She told me you were scared. Of getting hurt." Morello replied. Nicky laughed. "C'mon kid, _Norma_ could've told you that." Morello blinked in confusion. "But Norma doesn't speak."

Nicky shook her head. "Nevermind." She said. Morello took it as her cue to carry on. "What I mean is, I know you're afraid of being hurt. And I know I've hurt you a lot." Morello said slowly, uncomfortably yanking up blades of grass, the little leaves sprinkling onto her shoes and Nicky's.

"Get to the point." Nicky said. "The point is, I do love you. And I'm asking for one more chance." She rested her hand on Nicky's knee, speaking slowly. "I'm gonna take care of your heart this time, Nicky. I promise. Just one more chance, please?" Morello begged softly, her round dark eyes gazing into Nicky's.

Nicky didn't speak for a moment. She exhaled slowly, and opened her arms. Morello rested her head on Nicky's shoulder, while Nicky's arm went around her small body.

"I never could say no to you, kid. Besides, I've been thinking. I wanna give this another go." Nicky said, the fingers of her other hand drumming against her thigh. They sat in silence, watching the moon for a while.

"It's getting late, we should get back in soon." Morello murmured, nuzzling against Nicky's arm. "Yeah." Nicky replied, and the two inmates got up reluctantly, and began heading for the building. "Wait." Morello said, encircling her arms around Nicky's neck.

"Kiss me." She whispered. Nicky grinned and wrapped her arms around Morello's waist, pulling her close, a crooked smile twisting her lips. They leaned in slowly, careful not to shatter the moment.

"Inmates! You're out of bounds, and you're not supposed to be touching. That's two shots for both of you." CO Bell yelled at them from indoors, effectively shattering the moment. The two broke apart and sighed.

"Back to hell?" Nicky asked, jerking her head towards the building. Morello grinned and nodded, shrugging as though to say "what else?".

The two of them held hands all the way back to the building. Which of course, earned them another shot.


	26. Chapter 26

_"The worst is over now_

 _and we can breathe again_

 _I wanna hold you high,_

 _you steal my pain away."_

 _-Seether / Broken_

* * *

chapter 26: broken

"So, this is really happening, huh." Vincent said, his voice hollow. "Yeah." Morello affirmed, her own voice toneless. Emotions churned beneath her passive surface, filling her with guilt and despair. The two of them stared at the documents displayed before them, sitting side by side, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Do you regret it?" Vincent asked without looking at her. "Regret what?" Morello answered, her dark eyes trained on the tiny print on the contracts. "Our marriage." He replied.

"Oh, that. No, no, I don't regret it." Morello shook her head slightly. "Marriage was supposed to be a lifelong thing." Vincent said. "I know." Morello responded softly. "But you're leaving." He continued.

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry, Vincent." Morello said, turning to face him for the first time since they entered the room. They'd planned this over the past few weeks via phone calls and visitation sessions. Franny had helped Morello get a lawyer, and Vincent had taken care of his own lawyer issues, and the two of them had arranged the divorce.

Both Franny and Vincent had tried to convince her to not go through with this, but her mind was made up. Morello couldn't lie to him anymore. Slowly, Vincent reached out, and signed the paper. Each loop of ink the pen left on the paper's surface squeezed Morello's heart.

"I'm sorry, Vince. You're a really, really good guy, and I hope you find someone else." Morello tentatively reached out and placed her hand on his. Vincent didn't object, but he didn't move either. "Just sign it." He said. He sounded so tired, and so sad. He seemed to have aged, not externally, but internally. He didn't deserve this.

Morello signed the document.

* * *

Morello wandered around the hallways with no particular destination in mind, simply paced around the place, forcing a smile and waving to other inmates who greeted her. She spotted a CO giving out shots to several inmates, and she ducked into the library quickly.

"Hey, kid." A familiar voice piped up from behind her. Morello whirled around. Nicky stood there with a stack of books clutched to her stomach, her messy brown curls spilling into her face. She swept her curly hair out of her face, her expression curious.

"Oh, hey Nicky." Morello gave her a little wave. Apparently, she'd accidentally wandered all the way here without even realising it. "What's up?" Nicky dumped her books on a table and walked over to Morello. "Oh, uh, nothing." The little Italian-American forced a smile, and shook her head a little, looking down at her shoes.

"Hey." Nicky gently turned Morello's head upwards. Her hand was beneath Morello's head, her fingers under her chin. "What's the matter, kid?" She asked softly, her face a few inches away from Morello's. She hadn't told Nicky about her divorce, and decided to tell her instead of keeping the truth from her.

"I got my divorce with Vince." Morello answered, averting her eyes from Nicky's. She felt awful. Vincent was a good guy, and he didn't deserve this.

"Oh, Lorna." Nicky said softly, her voice gentle. Her gaze was so intense Morello couldn't meet it. She also felt awful for hurting Nicky too, for every time she told her she loved her and didn't mean it. No matter what she did, she seemed to be hurting someone.

"I feel so awful, Nicky." Morello said, her voice full of despair. "I'm sorry, kid." Nicky said gently, wrapping her arms around Morello's waist. She placed her hands on Nicky's shoulders. "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault." Morello answered.

"Well if I hadn't come back into the picture you two would still be married." Nicky gave her a crooked half smile. "Maybe, but it never felt right. The whole time I thought about you, about you being locked away in max, and me here getting married, but I pushed it away." Morello sighed slowly.

"I guess I was hoping you'd give me your blessing, and forgive me." Morello confessed. Nicky sighed. "Oh, kid. I'll always have your back, but I can't think about you being with someone else. I couldn't have done it." She replied.

"I know. I don't know why I was hoping for it. I guess I was hoping you'd moved on from me, because I never thought I'd love you that way." Morello said. "Ouch." Nicky replied, mock-hurt. Morello gave her a small smile.

"Did you love me before this, though?" Nicky asked softly, her joking demeanor slipping. Morello thought for a moment. "No, no I didn't." She pulled away from Nicky, unable to face her, wracked with self-loathing. Morello felt Nicky touch her shoulder. "That's okay, kid." She said, smiling her trademark crooked smile.

"I thought you were mad that I said I did, even though I didn't." Morello blinked in surprise. Nicky shrugged. "I was. But I don't think it matters now, does it?" She said softly. "I don't think it does." Morello answered.

"We've been through so much, haven't we?" Nicky murmured, drawing Morello into her arms. The shorter girl closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Nicky. "Yes, we have." Morello replied. "You didn't do anything wrong, Lorna." Nicky stroked her hair reassuringly.

"You didn't choose to hurt him. You can't force people to feel something they don't. You didn't choose to stop loving him. There's nothing you can do about it now. What's done is done. The two of you are free now, with both you and him not having to live a lie, yeah?" Nicky smiled. She kissed the top of Morello's head.

"You always know how to make me feel better." Morello laughed softly. "It's what I do, kid." Nicky grinned crookedly. She closed her eyes. Silence settled over the two of them for a while.

"He'll be okay, kid. You made the right choice." Nicky said softly. "Yeah." Morello smiled slightly. "I know."

"I love you." Nicky said unexpectedly, her voice soft. Morello was surprised, but happy. A feeling of warmth spread through her chest. "I love you too." Morello replied.


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N: okay, so I have several things to say. feel free to skip this if you want. One: sorry for the delay in uploading this chapter ! Two: the next chapter is gonna be the last one, and it is twice as long as this one, so the editing might take a little time. And lastly, four: I have decided that I hate the title of the story so I'm gonna try and think of a better one, and will change it when I do. to anyone who read this whole thing, thank you. happy reading y'all ! xx_

* * *

 _"Lovers forever_  
 _Face to face_  
 _My city or mountains_  
 _Stay with me stay"_

 _-Stevie Nicks / Leather and Lace_

* * *

chapter 27: proposal

Several months flew by. Morello got over her divorce with Vincent, and managed to remain friends with him. With her help, he'd met someone else, one of Morello's friends from high school, who was pretty, smart, and led a normal life, quite unlike Morello herself. He was happy, and so was she.

Her time in prison was as miserable as ever, but the difference this time was that Nicky was there with her, so things were much, much better than before. Morello was no longer torn between Nicky and her husband, therefore Nicky had opened up much more to her. The guilt that had been weighing on Morello's heart had been resting on Nicky's shoulders too, and now that Morello had divorced Vincent, the two of them were free. Nicky was much happier now, the spark returning to her eyes, replacing the sadness; she cracked jokes, she was bright, she was happy. In fact, she was almost like her old, sarcastic self again. The two of them even began sleeping together again.

Nicky would never tell anyone, with the possible exception of Morello, that she was happy not just because she and her were together, but also because Morello chose her over him. She chose Nicky, who was a mess, over Vincent, who had his life in order. She picked _her_ , the one in prison, over _him_ , the key to the perfect life she'd always wanted. But perhaps Morello's idea of the perfect life had changed when she'd fallen in love with Nicky. Even though it meant she'd never have the husband and 5 kids she'd always dreamed of, Morello wouldn't trade her relationship with Nicky for anything in the world.

This was the happiest both Nicky and Morello had been in a while, because they were finally free to be together. Well, as free as they could be in prison, anyway.

* * *

"Hey, guess what!" Vause exclaimed, her nose buried in a newspaper. None of the girls bothered responding, as they were too busy choking down the awful food from the kitchen. It was lunchtime for the inmates, and everyone was putting in a greater effort than usual to stuff the food down their throats, as they needed to keep up their strength for the rest of the day. Usually, dinner was the mealtime with the most unfinished food, while almost two thirds of the inmates managed to choke down 90% of their lunch.

"What?" Nicky asked, since clearly no one else was going to. "Gay marriage is legal now." Vause said happily, flipping to the next page of her newspaper. That got everyone's attention.

"What?" Chapman said, looking up from her peas. "Marriage of all genders. It's legal now." Vause repeated. Morello whooped and clapped, grinning happily. "About time." Chapman smiled, poking at her peas with her fork. "Are these peas or those little balls of green algae from the bathrooms?" She said to no one in particular, pulling a face at the mushy consistency of the so-called peas.

"Took the straights long enough." Nicky smiled crookedly, though her mind seemed to be elsewhere. "So, any plans, Chapman?" Morello smiled and winked at the blonde girl, who laughed.

"I don't know." She caught Vause's eye, and the two of them grinned at each other. Morello looked over at Nicky, who seemed preoccupied. She stabbed at her own peas absently, her foot tapping against the floor.

"That depends. Do _you_ have any plans, Nicky?" Chapman changed the topic smoothly. She grinned at Nicky, who jumped. The curly-haired inmate laughed, almost convincingly. If Morello hadn't known her so well, she wouldn't have been able to tell that Nicky had a lot on her mind.

"Maybe." Nicky replied coyly, and that was all they were getting out of her.

* * *

"What's going on, Nichols?" Vause said, walking into the library to confront her friend. "Huh?" Nicky responded brilliantly, kneeling by a rack, surrounded by books. "You seemed like there was something up earlier, when we brought up the gay marriage." Vause stated.

"Oh." Nicky said, standing up. Vause waited. "Well?" She said expectantly. Nicky sighed. "Well..." She began, awkwardly tugging at one of her curly locks of hair. It had grown out, and now hung down a few inches past her collarbones.

"I've been thinking of... proposing. To Lorna." She admitted hesitantly. Vause made a loud, high-pitched noise and hugged Nicky, grinning broadly. "Shut up!" Leanne hissed from the other aisle.

"Oh my _God_! You're planning on proposing to her?!" Vause whisper-screamed, sounding like a 16-year-old girl. "Yes. Shut up." Nicky said, clearly embarassed.

"How? When? Where?" Vause said excitedly, pushing her glasses to the top of her head. "I don't know, it was just a thought. I've been thinking about it for a while now, even before I was legally allowed to marry her. But I don't think she'd say yes anyway." Nicky said, adding the last part with a touch of despair to her words. Vause sighed.

"Jesus, Nichols. The two of you have been through so much. She loves you. Why wouldn't she wanna marry you?" She asked. "Because she's looking for a normal, perfect life with 5 kids, and with me everything will be a mess, and we won't have kids." Nicky said. "So? Adopt, then! And don't forget, she chose _you_." Vause reminded her. Nicky remained silent. Her friend could practically hear the gears in her brain whirring.

"I think I know what to do." Nicky said, a smile slowly growing on her face. "That's the spirit." Vause grinned encouragingly. "Good luck. You got this." She patted her friend's back and departed the library, leaving Nicky alone with her thoughts and a pile of books.

"And hey, Vause." Nicky called suddenly, jogging up to her. "Hm?" Vause replied. "If this actually ends up going well, you wanna be my best man?" Nicky asked. "Do I look like a fucking dude?" Vause joked. Nicky rolled her eyes, a slight crooked grin on her lips.

"Of course I will, Nicky. I'd be glad to be your best man. Woman. Whatever." Vause smiled. "Thank you, Alex." Nicky smiled too.

* * *

Over the next few days, Nicky was constantly preoccupied. She dashed into the bathroom first thing in the morning before running off to god-knows-where, she wolfed down her meals at top speed, she spent a lot of time scribbling in her notebook in the library and also talking to Chang quite frequently, and she seemed to be making a lot more phone calls than usual. Her unusual behavior baffled Morello, but not Vause or Chapman, or even Boo, who simply smiled mysteriously whenever she asked her what was up. It was like everyone and their mother knew Nicky's big secret, except for Morello. Heck, even _Pennsatucky_ knew what Nicky was up to.

Red, Norma, and Gina knew what was going on too, but refused to tell Morello, choosing to give her sly winks and knowing smiles instead. It was all exceedingly infuriating.

Whenever she slipped into the library for her daily meetings with Nicky, she'd always ask her why she was acting so strangely. And every time, Nicky would just smile crookedly at her and wink, before pressing her mouth to hers. Morello hadn't had much luck trying to get the answer out of her when they lay together at night either.

After a month or so, Morello had decided she'd had enough. She waited till it was nighttime, and Nicky would be back from her shower. Morello sat on Nicky's bed, waiting for the curly-haired inmate to emerge from the doorway, but she never did. Someone tapped her shoulder.

"Lorna." Nicky's voice sounded from right behind her, and Morello whirled around. "Nicky? I was waiting for you. Where were you?" She asked. Nicky grinned crookedly.

"In your cube." She answered. "Why?" Morello questioned suspiciously. "You'll see." Nicky replied cryptically. She offered her hand to Morello, who took it. They walked the short distance to her cube, hand in hand.

Morello discovered a few fresh, beautiful roses on her pillow, the flower petals a rich shade of scarlet. She picked one up and inhaled slightly. "These are great." She murmured.

"Roses are kind of a cliché, I know, but it was the best I could do." Nicky said, feigning nonchalance. "It's amazing. How'd you get these in?" Morello asked. "Chang. Got her to help me out." Nicky replied, smiling nervously.

"So do you like them?" She asked. "Are you kidding? They're great." Morello said, throwing her arms around Nicky. "Good, because I have one more thing I need to show you." Nicky said. She fished around her pocket and pretended to feel for the weight of the small box that had been pressing against her body all day.

Slowly, Nicky pulled out the tiny jewellery box. Morello gasped. Nicky opened the box. Inside, there was a single, delicate gold ring, with a sparkling diamond set into it. "Nicky, what is this?" Morello asked in a hushed tone. Nicky looked around quickly to make sure there were no COs around, then got down on one knee.

"I know you probably never planned to end up with someone like me. You probably want to live in a nice suburban home, or-or an apartment, with your husband and your 5 kids. But I'm here doing this, because I want to be with you, forever. Even when we get out, which is God-knows-when. We probably won't have normal lives, but that's alright, because we'll be together through whatever shitstorm awaits us, and we'll be happy. I can't imagine a life without you, and hell, I don't want to. It's scary, but I can't think of anyone else I would rather grow old with. I love you, Lorna Morello, and I'd really like to spend the rest of my life with you. What do you say?" She asked nervously.

Time seemed to slow down. Morello's mouth fell open. Tears sprang to her eyes. Her lips spread into a grin. She remained silent for a single, agonizing minute. Nicky felt like an idiot kneeling there like that.

"Yes." Morello breathed, and Nicky let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. She laughed and got to her feet. Nicky took Morello's hand in hers, and gently slid the ring onto her finger.

"I thought it'd be too soon after your divorce to ask, so I waited a few more months." Nicky admitted. "It's beautiful." Morello murmured, holding the ring up to the light. The diamond sparkled as the light bounced off the surface. "How'd you get this?" She asked.

"Worked it out with Chang. Had a friend who owed me a favour, called them, got them to pay for this with my bank account, and then got them to sneak it in with the commissary goods truck." Nicky explained, smiling shyly. "Lots of bribery involved." She added, as an afterthought.

"Hey, we should put these away before the guards catch us." Nicky said, and Morello put the roses on top of her little cupboard, next to a sketch of her drawn by Nicky.

Morello wrapped her arms around her, embracing tightly. "I love you, Nicky." She whispered. "I love you, kid." Nicky replied softly, closing her eyes and inhaling Morello's scent. She smelled like soap and perfume.

"You wanna go out and sit for a while? Just the two of us?" Nicky asked. "Yeah. That'd be nice." Morello replied, and the two of them leave the building together.

* * *

"So you're my prison fianceé now." Nicky said, making herself comfortable on the grass. Morello laughed and took a seat beside her. "Strange, huh? When we were just fucking I was your wife, and now I'm your fianceé." She grinned, walking slowly, her fingers entwined with Nicky's.

"Yeah. It's a nice word. Fianceé." Nicky said with a half-smile towards Morello. "It is." She agreed happily, leaning her head on Nicky's shoulder. That night, the moon was a luminous sickle in the sky, the crescent shape barely visible amongst the clouds.

"So, it's my turn to get married in prison, huh?" Nicky forced a grin. "It's not actually that bad. Brings a bright spot in this place." Morello shrugged. Nicky mulled it over for a moment. "I don't mind, I guess." She said slowly. "We can have it after you get out." Morello said, her thumb drawing gentle circles on the back of Nicky's hand. She had a little less than two years left, while Nicky was still looking at up to 7 years. She laughed bitterly.

"What, 7 fucking years?" Nicky scoffed. Morello sighed. "Hey, you might've been able to get a few years knocked off, after the whole Luschek thing. Caputo hasn't said anything yet." She said optimistically. Nicky sighed. "I don't mind getting married in prison. I just don't want you to have to get married in this shithole _twice_." She asked.

"Hey, if it means we get to be together forever, then I'd get married in a fucking _desert_ or something. I won't make any more stupid decisions, Nicky. I want to be with you. And I don't mind getting married here again, so long as it's with you." Morello answered, absolute certainty in her voice. She absently tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear. "Promise you won't ever get bored of me or anything?" Nicky asked, her voice slightly hoarse. Guilt and regret twisted Morello's gut as she thought of Vincent. "I promise." She said, and she meant it. Neither of them spoke for a while.

"Hey kid?" Nicky said softly. "Mm?" Morello asked from her spot, interlocking her fingers with Nicky's again. "I feel like I don't say this enough. I love you." Nicky said. Morello laughed and squeezed her hand. "I love you too." She grinned. Nicky could be so adorable sometimes.

"Wanna go back yet? Count's in 5." Nicky said. "Hang on. Just a little bit more." Morello said, closing her eyes. "Alright." Nicky said softly, shutting her own eyes and resting her head against Morello's.


	28. Chapter 28

_quick A/N: I changed the title from Come Back To Me to Everything Between Us because eh , I feel like that suits the general idea of the fic more. you may proceed._

* * *

 _"They say that love is forever_

 _your forever is all that I need_

 _Please stay as long as you need._

 _Can't promise that things won't be broken_

 _but I swear that I will never leave_

 _please stay forever with me."_

 _-Sleeping With Sirens / Scene One - James Dean And Audrey Hepburn_

* * *

chapter 28: forever

 _Around three_ _years later_ _._ _.._

"Fuck," Nicky muttered to herself, adjusting the strip of cloth tied around her neck as a makeshift necktie. She'd wanted to go with a bowtie initially, but decided it looked stupid. She pushed her messy curls back angrily.

For once, her long brown curly hair was not in a total mess. It was clear that Nicky had done her best to neaten her hair, but it was also clear that her curls seemed to have a mind of their own. They simply just refused to lie flat.

"Language, Nichols." Boo strolled into Nicky's cube casually. She was wearing a fresh shirt for the occasion. Nicky could tell it was clean because it was somewhat uncreased, the closest they could get to freshly ironed clothing, and the lingering scent of sex didn't cling to the beige material.

"As if you're any better." Nicky scoffed and went back to unravelling the knot around her neck. "Here, let me." With surprising gentleness, Boo knotted the strip of cloth into a necktie quickly, her fingers moving deftly. Tying a tie was just one of the many things Boo's fingers could do, it seemed.

"Why a tie, though?" She asked, while Nicky raked a brush through her curls. "I thought she'd like to be the girl, so I'd be the guy. Like the dream weddings she had as a kid." She explained, holding her long hair up in a ponytail. "What do you think?" She asked Boo. Nicky looked dreadfully weird without her messy curls spilling down her shoulders and into her face, and evidently Boo thought so too, because she mock-shuddered and shook her head.

"Jesus, _no_. Just go with this." Boo said. "I thought you two were lesbians. Why're you trying to hetero-fy this?" She asked as Nicky brushed out her curls again, carefully arranging the curly locks down one shoulder. Her hair extended to the middle of her back, as she hadn't bothered getting it cut recently. She bristled. "I'm not hetero-fying anything. I'm just trying to give her the wedding she's always wanted. Besides, I'm the only lesbian here. She's...bi. Pan. I don't know." She said.

"Huh. You're about to marry her and you don't _really_ know her sexuality." Boo commented as Nicky pulled on her grey jacket over her white sweater and necktie. Her attire was fresh out of the wash, and smelled faintly of the cheap detergent they used down at the laundromat. It was also perfectly uncreased, because she was forced to pay Leanne 10 cups of instant noodles to iron her clothes properly.

"We got our whole lives after this together. I'm honestly not fussed." She grinned crookedly and walked out of her cube with Boo. "You sure she's not gonna up and leave you like she did that Vincent guy?" Boo asked. Nicky had asked herself that question many, many times over the past few weeks, as she lay awake in the dark, all by herself, without the person she cared about more than anything else in the world to comfort her.

"I trust her." Nicky said simply, preparing herself for Boo's sarcastic response. To her surprise, the older woman was smiling brightly at her instead. "Look at you. All grown up, getting married, and _trusting_ people now. What's gotten into you, son?" She grinned, and Nicky laughed.

"Why today of all days, though? Isn't it kind of random? Shouldn't you pick a more sentimental date? Like the first time you two fucked or something?" Boo asked with a frown. Nicky shrugged. "Healy's the one letting me get married, and he told me to pick today, so we had no choice. Besides, she spent the year planning the thing, and recently managed to finalize all the details and shit." She said. "Surprised he didn't just turn you down, what with his whole thing about lesbians and all that." Boo commented. "Probably Red would cut his balls off if he said no." Nicky chuckled.

"So where's the small meth-head?" Nicky asked, changing the subject. "Pennsatucky will be meeting us there. Wanted some alone time with you, before you go off to be with your 'true love'," Boo air-quoted the words mockingly, and Nicky shoved her. "Talking about the good ol' days, before you leave me here, living the single lifestyle." Boo said.

"Ha. Sounds great." Nicky grinned crookedly, her odd tie attracting a lot of strange looks, mostly from orange-clad newbies. The previous inmates knew all about Nicky's wedding, and simply smiled as the curly-haired girl passed them, or called a quick word of congratulations to her.

Nicky and Boo talked about their past flings, laughing about incidents like that one time Boo wanted Soso but Nicky got to her first, their bang-off, the cookie-eating contest that had followed the cancelling of their bang-off, and various other memories. "Thank God we never slept together." Nicky said. Boo nodded. "It would've just been fucking weird." She agreed. The conversation shifted to their attempts to flirt with the new inmates.

"And I remember when Lorna got here you tried to flirt with her and she didn't get it." Nicky grinned. Boo shook her head slowly, with a dramatic sigh. "I tried all my best lines on her, but she just stood there, and she just looked at me. With those massive fucking eyes of hers. And she looked like she was going to cry. But she still stood there, and _looked_ at me. With those huge, _innocent_ eyes. Well, maybe not so innocent now. But it was sure as shit one of the most awkward moments I've ever had while trying to sleep with someone." Her own eyes twinkled as she reminisced the old days.

"And then she turned to me." Nicky smiled. "Yep. You always gotta do this to me, Nichols." Boo said, pretending to be wounded. "What? Not my fault you were terrorizing one of the prettiest, most oblivious newbies and I just _happened_ to be there to rescue her." The sparkle in Nicky's eyes told a different story, however. Boo caught her look, and laughed.

"I _knew_ it. You fucking asshole." She shoved Nicky, who almost careened into Chang. "Sorry Chang." Nicky called. "Fuck off, lesbians." Chang replied promptly. Boo and Nicky chuckled as Nicky readjusted her tie and swept her brown curls back.

"She was pretty, and she looked so nervous, y'know? She was the perfect target." Nicky smiled crookedly. "And here you are today." Boo rested her elbow on Nicky's shoulder. "Yeah. We've come a long way, huh." Nicky's smile grew wider, and full of nostalgia.

"Hey, why didn't you two wait till you get out too?" Boo asked. Nicky shrugged. "I've got like 4 years left. Can't make her wait that long." She smiled slightly. "Well why doesn't she just stay longer?" Boo asked. For a moment, Nicky was afraid that Boo had found out about the incident a few years ago when she escaped from prison briefly. Then she remembered she was the only one who knew, and relaxed.

"She wanted to." Nicky said. "I couldn't let her stay here just because of me." She explained. And some part of her deep down wanted to let her. But the more rational side of Nicky stopped her fiancee when she tried to turn herself in for the crime of felony escape from a few years ago, to get her sentence lengthened, just to stay with her. They had argued over the issue many times, till Nicky had managed to convince her to leave without her. Still, they managed to continue their relationship for around a year, even with Nicky still locked up.

"If I got a girl like that I'd _make_ her stay." Boo chuckled. "Seriously, though. You did the right thing. I'm proud of you, Nichols." She continued, surprisingly warmly. Nicky flashed her a crooked smile. "Thanks, Boo."

* * *

"Well, here we are." Boo announced, as they walked out of the building and into a further section of the yard, where Healy, Norma, Pennsatucky, Vause, Chapman, and Gina were waiting. As per the other bride's request, Crazy-Eyes was also invited, and was surprisingly at ease, happily chatting with Vause, who seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say. Chapman, who had gotten out of prison a few years ago, was awkwardly hovering by Vause's side, unsure of what to do. Nicky made a mental note to call her 'Suzanne' instead of 'Crazy-Eyes' from now on.

The other inmates were going about their business elsewhere. For one day, this section was strictly off-limits to other inmates. A woman stepped around Healy's bulk and walked towards Nicky, smiling warmly.

"Red!" Nicky exclaimed in surprise, running towards her mother and squeezing her in her arms. "Nicky, so good to see you." Red breathed, releasing her daughter for a moment to take in her appearance. Normally, when Red came to visit her she only applied a light layer of makeup with plain clothes; her hair, which she'd grown out since her release, was almost always tied back in a messy ponytail.

Right now, Red's hair was combed neatly now, which took away a bit of her alarming factor, though it was still a violent shade of red. Her face was smeared with a lot more carefully applied makeup, and she was wearing a dress. Nicky had never seen her in anything but prison outfits and plain skirts before, so the difference was jarring. She blinked. She didn't recognize this woman.

"How are you? Has the kitchen gotten better? Is Caputo treating you well?" Red asked, and upon hearing the concern in her voice, she was Red again, the fierce Russian woman with a passion for cooking and a soft spot for a few lucky misfits. "I've been good." Nicky said with a smile, trying to stop the tears from flowing out. Her voice was choked. "How about you? How're your kids? And I thought you said you were busy today!" Nicky said. Red laughed.

"It was a lie I told you. I wanted to surprise you." Red grinned, and Nicky grinned back and hugged her. "At this point I'm just glad you're here." She said softly, and Red patted her back. Reluctantly, the two women broke apart after a while.

"Congratulations, Nicky." Gina said, handing Nicky a small package. "Thanks." She said in surprise. "What is it?" Nicky asked. "It's a wedding gift." Pennsatucky stated, rolling her eyes as though it was the most obvious thing in the world while she walked up to Nicky, holding a package of her own. "They're socks." Gina called. "They're a matching set!"

"Congrats, Nichols." She said, and hugged Nicky, who was surprised but allowed the smaller girl to embrace her. "Wow Penn, I never would've expected us to be friends, but yet now you're here at my fucking _wedding_." Nicky laughed, and Pennsatucky gave her a grin, her eyes sparkling. "There's some Sharpies and papers and colour pencils for you in there, since you love drawin' and all." Pennsatucky explained, and Nicky thanked her again. She stepped aside and allowed Chapman to occupy Nicky's attention.

"Congrats, Nicky." She smiled. "I'm getting that a lot today." Nicky grinned crookedly and accepted Chapman's gift, feeling the soft material through the thin wrapping paper. She frowned. "Leftovers from your business?" She asked. Chapman laughed. "Hey, I made these especially for the two of you." She replied.

"Thanks, Chapman." Nicky hugged her quickly with a smile, putting her gifts aside. Vause came next, and pressed a small box into Nicky's hand. She leaned in to whisper in Nicky's ear. "Okay, so originally this was supposed to be a phone for you to contact her with, but since things have changed, just use this to take pictures together or something. You'll probably get your own soon , but this one's got a pretty fucking excellent camera." Vause said softly, and drew back with a wink. Nicky laughed and hugged her best friend. She carefully placed the box next to her small pile of gifts, wondering what Vause meant by 'things have changed'.

"This is for you two." Suzanne said, pressing a sheaf of papers into Nicky's hands. "Uh, thanks." Nicky said, vaguely flipping through the sheets of paper. "I wrote it _just_ for the two of you." She added with a grin, her already wide eyes widening even further. Nicky remembered her reputation as an incredibly graphic erotica writer, and wasn't sure if she should laugh or feel uncomfortable, and made up for it by smiling and thanking Suzanne. She set the gift down.

Red and Healy walked up to Nicky next, an envelope in Healy's large hands. He handed it to her, and she accepted it with a muttered word of thanks. Both of them were beaming at Nicky, their hands joined. She stifled a gag, and opened the envelope curiously.

Inside was a letter that went on for several pages. Nicky skimmed the tiny print without much interest, till a sentence near the end caught her eye. She read it out loud. "Due to all the reasons above, the prisoner Nicole Nichols's release date will be changed to the 18th of June, 2017." Nicky said. That was... Tomorrow?

"What's this?" Nicky asked, her heartbeat echoing in her ears. "Well, Caputo sent in his report about Luschek, and you got a year knocked off your sentence." Healy began in his slow voice, smiling at her in his awkward manner. "Then I managed to get the pictures of you when you got out of max, with all the scars and uh, your body size and all. I managed to contact your mother, and I told her that all that had happened while you were down there." He continued.

"So she filed a lawsuit, and threatened to sue them unless they knocked off another 2 years from your sentence. Then I wrote another letter to them, asking them to cut your sentence down by another year, telling them all about how you've changed in prison and all that, and how there were too many inmates, not enough space..." Healy made a vague gesture with his hands. "And then I took it to the council, and I...persuaded them to cut another year." Red grinned proudly. "Mostly with bribery, but it was worth it." She said.

"Wait. You did all that, you contacted Marka, you _bribed_ the fucking law, just to get my sentence shortened?" Nicky asked slowly. It seemed like she owed her biological mother a word of thanks. "It was Galina's idea." Healy smiled lovingly at Red, and for once watching them display their affection towards one another did not make her want to puke.

The letter clutched tightly in her fist, Nicky threw her arms around both of them, hugging them tightly. "Thank you." She said, her voice choked. "We wanted to let your last day in prison be a good one. Then tomorrow, you can start your life." Red said warmly, patting her back, her touch familiar, while Healy awkwardly clapped her shoulder.

"I'll uh, I'll get going now. Don't want to intrude." He said, releasing them and awkwardly walking off. The rest of them hung around for a bit, talking and laughing. Poussey dropped in at some point to sneak them a bottle of hooch and to congratulate Nicky. "I been rooting for you two since day one. Congratulations." She said, smiling affectionately. They thanked her, and began passing around the bottle as they waited. The alcohol burned as it went down the women's throats, leaving a warm sensation in their stomachs.

"She's here!" Pennsatucky called suddenly, her voice urgent. Everyone turned around suddenly, expecting to see the bride. Well, the other one. A woman with a wrinkled face, fair skin, and orange-ish hair walked up to them, holding a Bible to her chest.

"What? Why does everyone look so surprised?" Sister Ingalls asked with a frown. Nicky shot a glare at Pennsatucky, who shrugged. "What? 'She' means a whole lotta things." She rasped, taking a large sip of hooch. "We thought you meant the bride." Vause pointed out, glaring at her.

"Are you sure you want me to officialize your ceremony?" Sister Ingalls said. Nicky nodded. "Technically, we'll be married on paper, so this whole thing is mostly for show. Besides, we already paid you with 6 months worth of M&Ms." She pointed out.

"Oh fuck it Sister, we're already here anyway." Boo added, Pennsatucky nodding vigorously by her side. "Besides, it's more personal, since we know you." Nicky smiled crookedly at the former nun, who sighed. "Then where's the other bride?" She asked.

"Hello. Sorry I'm late." A high, nervous voice, tinged with a light Italian accent, drifted towards them. The group turned around, and a brilliant, beautiful smile spread across Nicky's lips as she turned around and saw Lorna Morello.

* * *

She wasted no time, simply ran up to Morello and wrapped the smaller girl in her arms, holding her close. Nicky ran her fingers through Morello's soft, heavy curls, feeling the smooth locks of hair sift through her fingers. Morello smelled of soap and some sort of berry perfume, very much unlike the scent of cheap perfume Nicky associated with her. She found herself blinking back tears.

"Hey, kid." Nicky whispered, smiling. Morello's arms were curled around her, her fingers tightly twisting the back of Nicky's jacket, her eyes closed. The scent of soap and smoke clung to Nicky's skin, no doubt from her illegally-obtained cigarettes. Morello held a small bouquet of white flowers that she nearly dropped when she threw her arms around Nicky.

Unwillingly, Nicky gently removed her arms from Morello's body to rest them on her shoulders. She got a good look at her. Morello was as fair as ever, her skin smooth and unblemished. Her dark eyes were shining, and from this distance, Nicky could see the sun illuminating faint flecks of gold in her otherwise completely dark brown eyes. Morello's lipstick and eyeshadow were applied to perfection, accentuating her gentle beauty. Her hair was longer, though still curled, and the soft dark locks hung down to her shoulder blades.

Morello was wearing a simple yet elegant white wedding dress, made of satin and lace, that hugged her curvy figure and brushed the top of her knees. A silver tiara was adorned atop her dark locks, and the ring Nicky gave her was around her finger. On her feet were a pair of white heels, which managed to make her only slightly taller, which meant she was now Nicky's height. She wasn't alarmingly gorgeous, but to Nicky, she would always be the most beautiful girl in world.

Nicky wanted to kiss her, but restrained herself. There would be time for that later. "You look amazing." She breathed, and Morello blushed. "You do too." Morello answered shyly, and Nicky laughed. She felt so stupid standing there in her makeshift tux made of prison-approved articles of clothing. Awkwardly, she pushed back a curl that had fallen into her face. The sunlight glinted off the sloppy words scrawled onto her wrist permanently, done by a different person in a different time, so, so long ago.

"Very handsome." Morello grinned impishly, adjusting the tie around Nicky's neck, accidentally pulling something and unravelling the knot. Nicky laughed again as Morello desperately tried to retie the knot, gave up, and just handed the strip of cloth back to Nicky sheepishly.

"Sorry." She apologised meekly, and Nicky just stuffed the item into her pocket. "You know what this reminds me of? That board you made me a couple Christmases ago." Morello said. Nicky's eyebrows jumped upwards in surprise.

"How'd you find that? I gave you my best eyeliner that year!" She exclaimed. "But you threw it away, and Vause kept it. She gave it to me a while ago." Morello grinned. "Oh my God." Nicky groaned and laughed, shaking her head. "I have it with me at home." Morello added, while Vause laughed and Nicky gave her a friendly punch on the arm. Morello turned around and waved at the other inmates, smiling widely at them.

"Shall we get started?" Sister Ingalls asked. The women nodded, and Suzanne, Gina, Norma, Boo, Pennsatucky, and Chapman sat down on the soft grass, while Nicky stood by the ex nun's side, Vause standing by her. Seeing as how Morello was one of Red's many 'daughters' in prison, and her biological parents weren't there, the old Russian woman was going to walk the young Italian-American down the aisle. Their 'aisle' was basically just one of Yoga Jones's yoga mats they'd borrowed from her. It wasn't much, but it was perfect.

Morello took a deep breath. She looked Nicky in the eye. She smiled. She was ready.

* * *

All eyes were on Morello, on every step she took, on the expression on her face, but the only thing she saw was Nicky; her strong, beautiful, self-destructive Nicky, whose heart she'd broken one too many times. She was standing there with her brown curls tumbling down her shoulders, a radiant smile on her lips, her dark eyes full of love.

Morello saw the girl who'd held her when she had her heart broken for the first time; the very same girl she was about to marry. She thought of the way her eyes shone when she looked at her, the way she whispered her darkest secrets to her and only her, the way she smiled when Morello kissed her. The way Nicky loved her, with her entire heart, even after everything that had transpired between them.

Red walked Morello up to Nicky, and the two of them stood opposite one another, their hands joined. Morello put her bouquet on the floor. Red squeezed in between Gina and Norma, both of which were wailing hysterically into their handkerchiefs. The Russian woman instantly dissolved into tears, pulling out a garish red handkerchief and sobbing into it. Pennsatucky was already crying quietly, wiping her tears on the back of Boo's shirt, while Boo herself hiccuped and pretended she wasn't tearing up.

Chapman was smiling and watching her friends, her head on Suzanne's shoulder. Chapman had always felt guilty about how she had treated Suzanne, but the two of them seemed to have patched things up. For some reason, Suzanne was crying the hardest, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. They were all passing the bottle of hooch around, each of them getting a little more tipsy with every sip.

"Dearly beloved, we are all gathered here to honor these two in marriage. Alright, vows?" Sister Ingalls said. Nicky frowned. "That's it?" She asked. Sister Ingalls shrugged. "I didn't really have time to write a proper intro. You asked me like last week." She said. Nicky gave her a look. "It's a bit late for me to write a new one." Sister Ingalls pointed out.

"Get on with it!" Boo called. "Nicole Nichols, you can start." Sister Ingalls said. A bunch of sniggers passed over the crowd upon hearing Nicky's name, including Vause, who chuckled. She glared at them, and Morello herself giggled. Nicky took a deep breath, and returned her focus to Morello. She cleared her throat, and rolled up her sleeves. Sunlight glinted off the memories of old scars; faint white lines that whispered of a pain that had once been all she knew.

"Hey, kid." She began. Morello grinned and whispered a "hey" back to her. "So, look where we are today. From Christopher, to fucking in the chapel-" Sister Ingalls tsked and shook her head. "To me going to max, to Vincent, to the whole Luschek thing, and to us here, today. But that's not why we're here today. I'm just going to tell all of you something. A long time ago, there was a girl who told me that nobody was going to love her. I said to her "I do." I did, and I still do. And I'm here with the same girl now, and to all that 'in sickness and in health' stuff, again I say "I do." I love you, Lorna Morello. I always have, and I always will." Nicky said.

The inmates cheered, the sobbing reached an all-time loud, and even Sister Ingalls had to smile and brush away a tear. Gina and Red had their head on Norma's chest, and the three of them were sobbing loudly. Boo was making no effort to hide her tears now, and she and Pennsatucky clutched each other as they cried. Even Vause was sobbing into Chapman's chest, while the blonde inmate wiped away her tears and wrapped her arm around Suzanne's shoulders and allowed her to cry into her shirt.

"Alright. That was great. Lorna Morello, you're up." Sister Ingalls said, her voice shaky. She wiped another tear away with the back of her hand. Morello herself was smiling and desperately blinking back tears. Nicky really did have a way with words. Morello didn't think mascara running down her face would be a nice touch for a wedding, so she composed herself, and took a deep breath.

"Hey, Nicky." Morello began. "So I don't really know a lot of stuff, but when it comes to love, I sure do have lots to say." She grinned, and Nicky squeezed her hands softly. "But if I do say something, I'll be talking for a long, long time, so I'll just say a little now. Like I said, I don't know a whole lot, but you do, and you never made fun of me when I got stuff wrong, or when I made mistakes. You've been nothing but sweet to me, from the start. You've taken care of me, and you've cared for me, when no one else did. You know, I'd really, really like to spend the rest of my life with you, and I promise I'm gonna make sure you have no more nightmares, and that nothing else is gonna hurt you, ever, 'cause there isn't anyone I care about more than you. You're my home, the most familiar, comforting thing in my life, that I will always want to come back to at the end of the day. I love you, Nicky, and I'm gonna love you till the day I die."

Morello grinned shyly, her cheeks turning red. "That was beautiful, kid." Nicky's eyes were full of tears, and a smile was on her lips. Sister Ingalls sniffled loudly. Chapman was crying into her hands now, tears falling from her blue eyes into her cupped palms.

"Well then, I now pronounce you two bride and bride. Married. Whatever. You may kiss the bride." Sister Ingalls threw up her hands and walked away, brushing the tears from her face. Morello and Nicky stepped forward, closing the distance between them.

Morello twined her arms around Nicky's neck, while Nicky's arms curled around her waist. She could feel Nicky's soft, chapped lips curved into a smile as she joined her own mouth to hers. This kiss was much different from the many other they had shared; this one was a promise that sealed all their other promises forever.

"So we're married now." Nicky grinned, her eyes crinkled, her face an inch apart from Morello's. "Yep. Official wifes." She replied. "Wives." Nicky corrected her. "Whatever you say." Morello laughed and pulled back. She grabbed the flowers from the ground, and slid her other hand into Nicky's.

The two of them grinned and waved at their friends, who cheered and clapped and in Red, Norma, and Gina's case, waved their handkerchiefs. "Shouldn't the best man give a speech?" Nicky asked, grinning and nudging Vause, who rolled her eyes and smiled. "Okay, so I have a little speech prepared." She cleared her throat, and everyone watched her expectantly. Vause walked over and plucked the bottle of hooch from Pennsatucky's hands.

"Good afternoon. I'm Alex Vause, Nicky's best friend, and her best man. Woman. Whatever. So, I am just gonna tell all of you one of my favourite Nicky and Lorna moments. They've had so many moments, over the years, but one of the ones that really stuck, was the one and only time that Piper tried to give the two of them relationship advice. This was around two years ago, and she was talking about how great, and how stable her relationship with Larry was, and Nicky was making these really, really rude jokes. I was watching her, and I'm her fucking best friend, and I didn't see anything. Lorna, who can read Nichols better than anyone I've ever met, even Red, took one look at her expression and immediately kissed her. Just on the cheek, because there were a couple COs around. "I see your look, Nichols. Don't you be gettin' all insecure on me now." She said, and she took Nicky's hand under the table. Nichols, who I've never seen blush before, in all my years of knowing her, actually got that pink blushy look, and she looked over and smiled at her, like a proper, shy, but genuinely happy smile. That's the dream, you know? To find the one person in the world, who makes you smile that way. To Nicky and Lorna."

Vause raised the bottle and took a sip. "Give it here. Thank you for all that sappy shit, Vause." Nicky laughed and snatched the bottle from Vause and took a large sip. She passed it to Morello, who drank from it with a little difficulty due to the flowers in her hand, and handed it to Red, who also took a sip before passing it around till everyone had a sip.

Morello raised her other hand and tossed the bouquet, and the women all clambered for it, falling over each other to grab the bundle of white flowers. Eventually, after Suzanne had her arms wrapped around Gina, who tried to bite Boo, who was squashing Red, who was pulling Chapman's hair, and Norma tried to strangle Pennsatucky, who had Vause in a chokehold, all while Red had her arms wrapped around Norma's middle and was trying to squeeze the life out of her, Nicky and Morello intervened. The poor bouquet, which was clamped between Pennsatucky's teeth, was extricated by Nicky, with much effort.

"Oh my God." Nicky muttered. "Can we try this again, without the fighting?" Morello said with a sigh. Reluctantly, the inmates released each other, and sat back down, several of them rubbing injuries and muttering curses. Morello threw the bouquet again, with a smile. Despite everything, these squabbling idiots were her family.

This time, Red caught it, and she cackled triumphantly at the other inmates, who glowered at her. "Congratulations, Red!" Morello giggled, watching the rest of them bicker over who deserved the bouquet the most. She turned to Nicky, who had a half-smile on her face, watching them silently.

"You're awful quiet." Morello commented. "What's on your mind, Nicky Nichols-Morello?" She asked, nudging her gently. Nicky laughed. "Wow. 'Nichols-Morello' sounds pretty great." She exhaled slowly. "I'm just thinking about how great it'd be if we were a normal couple, and after this we could go home to spend our first night together married, and of course we'd fuck, but like properly, in a bed, not on the floor of the chapel, or in the bathroom." She said. Morello giggled.

"Don't worry. After tomorrow, we got forever." She wrapped her arms around Nicky's neck. Nicky smiled and twined her arms around Morello's small body.

"Yeah. Forever sounds good." She said, and leaned in to kiss Morello again.

* * *

 _A/N: okay so here is the final chapter ! thank you to everyone who has stuck by me all this time , your support is very very much appreciated ! I was originally just gonna end this here , but someone commented about stuff like nicky and lorna's life together as a couple and stuff and I hadn't actually thought of that , but now I think it sounds pretty damn great to write , and I'm kind of considering it. if y'all would read it if I did write it , just let me know in the comments or something ? thank you all , and I really hope y'all enjoyed the story ! :)_


End file.
